Catholic Dating Over 50: Avoid These 3 Common Traps

Most people want to be in love. They desire to be in a committed, long term relationship with someone they can trust. As a single person ages, the possibilities of finding love might appear to be slim, especially if you're over 50.

This happens for various reasons, like not being in an area where there are singles in your age group, or being too busy to be out looking, which underscores why CatholicMatch is such a great tool for meeting other Catholics.

But sometimes not meeting anyone worthwhile can actually come down to one's attitude toward and level of hope in actually finding someone special.

Sometimes, the older you get, the more you might feel like having a happy, exclusive, long term relationship is just chasing a dream.

If you've been single for a while, especially if you've never been married, it's easy to feel you could be too set in your ways to live happily with someone else.

Another obstacle is that many 50-somethings who have been through a divorce have major unresolved trust issues. By the same token, if you've lost your spouse through death it can be tempting to doubt you can find someone you can be happy with again. These are undeniable obstacles, but not to finding someone special. They can be obstacles to recognizing someone special.

If any of this describes how you feel, here are three things you can do to improve your chances of meeting and recognizing when you've met that special someone:

1. Heal any past hurts and make sure you are really available.

Baggage, baggage, baggage.

You know that word means "trouble ahead" in regard to relationships, but are you ignoring your own? Do you still have feelings for an old flame or are you steeped in guilt for the way you broke off a previous relationship? Baggage. Are you worried that a second marriage will end in divorce? Baggage.

These are things you don't want to bring with you into a new relationship. Your heart should be completely available to give to someone else when the time is right, so take the steps you need to take now, before the right one comes along.

How? One way to help this is to practice the virtue of honesty. Be honest with yourself and others. Need to apologize? Go apologize. Have feelings for someone else? Don't date until that's resolved. Feeling insecure? Get counseling. Be honest with yourself about the things that are holding you back because if you're not, you're being dishonest with someone you date.

2. Be aware of your personal biases based on past relationships.

Women talk too much and are gold diggers. Men are lazy and only want one thing. The list of biases goes on and on but that's all they are...biases. Filters.

If you've ever been in a romantic relationship and are now single, chances are you see the opposite sex through a filtered lens...the lens of relationships past.

For example, if you had a bad experience with someone who was unfaithful to you, it can be tempting to start assuming that anyone you have a new relationship with will inevitably hurt you in the same way. This indicates a lack of trust. Learning to trust again can be very difficult, but it’s important to work on this if you want to have healthy relationships with other people.

One way to help this along is to pray to receive the gifts of the Holy Spirit, particularly wisdom and understanding. Our heavenly Father is generous with those who ask for these gifts and they can help you overcome any doubts or lack of ability to trust that might be lingering from your past relationships.

3. Make sure you are not repeating past mistakes.

It's important to be able to recognize when you're walking into the same relationship scenario that was a problem before and have the will power to stay out of it.

If you tend to get involved with people who have addictions, for example, you need to make changes in your own life that will help you avoid these mistakes again. Addictions are not the only problems that can thwart a good relationship, there are many. But these types of problems seem to be quite prevalent, which is why I use it as an example. But whatever the scenario is, a great way to avoid getting involved with someone who has an addiction is to know someone as much as possible before you commit to them.

If you are sexually intimate with that person, you won't get to know them like you should until it's too late. Sexual intimacy provokes emotions that blind us. In a marriage, this is a good thing. In dating, it's one of the worst moves you can make. Chaste dating is the best way to get to know someone and the best way to avoid repeating bad dating choices.

Don't get discouraged about finding a new relationship, get ready to have one! Be happy, strive to be holy, and I believe the rest will fall into place.