Can You Really Still Be Friends After a Break-Up?

Can you REALLY ever be friends with your ex?

Breakups are awful. Whether the relationship ended on good terms or not, it can be difficult to navigate the transition. One question you might ask is whether or not you can be friends with your ex after the relationship ends.

There are pros and cons to both. In this post, we’ll look at the pros and cons of staying friends with your ex and we’ll look at some pitfalls you need to navigate if you decide to do it.

Pros of Being Friends with Your Ex

Some people are absolutely against being friends with their ex. But that isn’t a universal rule. If the break-up ended on good terms, there are plenty of reasons why it would be a good idea to shift the relationship to a platonic one.

1. Shared History

One of the biggest advantages of being friends with your ex is your shared history. Hopefully, you built a strong foundation of friendship with this person while you were dating. You know each other well and have shared positive experiences. Staying friends can help preserve the positive aspects of your relationship and allow you to continue to share in each other’s lives.

If the relationship ended in the early stages, the romantic elements will be easier to leave behind. After you have been friends for a little while, they will be a distant memory. The relationship will be fully platonic.

2. Comfortable Conversations

One of the most difficult parts of building friendships in general is conversation. When you’re meeting a stranger for the first time, it is difficult to know what to talk about. With your ex, this is probably not a problem.

When you’ve been with someone for a while, you develop a level of comfort with them that is difficult to replicate with others. If you’ve already developed a rapport with your ex, you can have good conversations without feeling the pressure of trying to impress each other.

3. Avoiding Awkwardness

Sometimes your break-up can lead to your friend group breaking up, too. If you and your ex hang out with the same people often, it will be easier for everyone if you remain friends in spite of the break-up. This way, you avoid the awkwardness of friends feeling like they have to “choose” one of you over the other.

The same thing is true if you share a workplace where you cannot avoid each other. If you work with your ex, you should try to remain friends so your break-up does not get in the way of your work. At the very least you should be able to remain civil with one another.

Cons of Being Friends with Your Ex

1. Emotional Baggage

It’s not uncommon for breakups to be emotionally charged, and staying friends with your ex can sometimes mean that you’re carrying around a lot of emotional baggage. If you have unresolved feelings for your ex, it can be difficult to move on and form new relationships. Similarly, if your ex is still attached to you, it can be difficult for them to move on and find new relationships.

If the break-up was not on good terms, it is usually not a good idea to stay friends. It can be difficult to hang out with someone who hurt you or with someone you hurt.

2. Mixed Messages

When you’re friends with your ex, it can be difficult to navigate the boundaries of your new relationship. You or your ex might misinterpret a kind or friendly gesture as a romantic one. It’s important to be clear about your intentions and feelings so that your ex doesn’t misinterpret your friendship as a sign that you want to get back together.

You also may accidentally slip into your old romantic habits. Every couple develops small ways to show affection like pet names or small acts of physical touch. It can be difficult to change those habits after you break up and if you accidentally slip and call your ex “babe,” that’ll just be awkward for everyone involved.

3. Jealousy

One of the biggest pitfalls of being friends with your ex is jealousy. If you hang out with your ex regularly, you will see or hear about each other’s new relationships. It’s natural to feel jealous when you see your ex moving on with someone else, and staying friends can sometimes make that jealousy worse.

It’s important to be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling and to take steps to protect your emotional well-being. If you find yourself unable to watch your ex in another relationship, it may be time to end that friendship.

Navigating a Friendship with Your Ex

If you do decide to stay friends with your ex, there are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Take Time to Heal

After a breakup, it’s important to take some time to heal and reflect on the relationship. It’s important to give yourself time to process your emotions and work through any unresolved issues before attempting to form a friendship.

2. Be Honest with Yourself

Be honest with yourself about your motivations for wanting to be friends with your ex. Are you truly interested in maintaining a friendship, or are you hoping to rekindle the romance? It’s important to be clear about your intentions and to communicate them honestly with your ex.

3. Establish Boundaries

It’s important to establish clear boundaries for your friendship. This may include setting limits on the amount of time you spend together, avoiding intimate conversations or topics, and being clear about your expectations for the friendship.

4. Communicate Openly

Open and honest communication is key to any successful relationship, including a friendship with your ex.

There is no universal right or wrong answer for staying friends with your ex. Through prayer, discernment, and keeping these things in mind, you can make the right decision!