2 Key Steps To Healing A Hopeless Heart

25

One of the easiest pitfalls to get trapped in after a divorce is giving in to the feeling there is nothing for you to look forward to in your future. Everything seems bleak and dismal. A friend of mine, Bill, describes that period of feeling hopelessness as "just gray, colorless days."

As time passes, many people tend to regain their emotional balance and despite their woundedness, are able to take steps forward and rebuild their lives. But unfortunately, some people remain emotionally stuck, primarily due to the fact that their sense of loss is so deep, they can't see their own value or self-worth.

So, how does someone feeling so hopeless find their way back to a life worth living? This is a question many people grapple with.

Others have been where you have been.

Both Bill and my friend, Liz, are two of more than 35 men and women who were gracious enough to speak candidly with me in my Voices of Hope video about the challenges they faced after their spouses left. Liz describes her first days of being separated:

I knew I should trust in God and I usually believe that he can make good out of any bad situation, but at that time I didn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I had nothing to hope for.

The suffering was intense because I truly believe when you get married, you're meant to be married forever. You give your heart and your soul to your spouse and that's supposed to be there forever, and when your spouse walks out and when he tells you he doesn't love you anymore...it breaks your heart. It really breaks your heart.

Keep in mind that healing from a traumatic life event such as divorce takes time and you will often find there is no real rhyme or reason to the different phases you go through. There will be good days and bad days at first, and every day might seem like a bad day. But it won't always be this way. The good days will become more frequent, and eventually will outnumber the bad days until they don't occur anymore.

But it will help to embrace two practical factors as you move forward, and these points will help you feel like you have a better grip on things. They are:

First, remember that this, too, shall pass.

Although you may not be able to see it now, this pain and suffering will pass and there will be a day when your divorce is not the primary focus of each day. Think of other difficult times in your life and how they are now in the past...the same will happen here. God still has good things waiting for you in your future but you need to be open to those possibilities.

Trust that you will move on to other chapters of your life, and that your goal at this moment is to learn how to make peace with this chapter, so you can close it, lay it to rest, and begin a new one.

Keep in mind also, that divorce doesn't define who you are—it is something that happened to you. It does not invalidate your role as an important family member, friend, or member of society. It does not erase all the good qualities you possess or all the good things you’ve done. It certainly does not negate all the incredible potential you have. Despite the trauma of your situation and the dramatic ways in which your life has changed, your divorce does not define you as a person, it just changes your direction.

Second, discover the takeaway.

It is true, God is close to you because of your suffering and He wants to use your circumstances for your good. You can turn things around right now by asking God to show you what he wants you to learn in all of this. What is the takeaway?

Even in difficult times or moments of crisis, there is always a horizon of hope.

The Incarnation tells us that we are never alone, that God has come to humanity and that he accompanies us. - Pope Benedict XVI

I encourage you to remember that God can take your messy life and bring good things out of it. Romans 8:28 makes that promise, and no matter how bleak things seem today, it can change and the future can surprise you.

Place your worries and anxieties in God’s hands, and trust he will bring good things out of your situation.

Find Your Forever.

CatholicMatch is the largest and most trusted
Catholic dating site in the world.

Get Started for Free!CatholicMatch
— This article has been read 3752 times —