You Are Not Called To Be A Catholic Stereotype

What is the single life supposed to look like?

Society tells us being single is a fun, carefree romp, with no commitment or ties to hold you back from extensive traveling and crazy adventure.

But what if you're working hard to make ends meet, unable to share living costs with a roommate, and taking care of your elderly uncle on the weekends? There's no way you can live up to the "dream single life."

And it is not just society's standards that seem impossible. Sometimes the examples of good, faithful Catholics living the single life seem impossible to live up to, like in Aunt Rosie's story recently.

Aunt Rosie was widowed young, and spent the rest of her life in service one way or another to her big Italian family. Some readers were frustrated by Aunt Rosie's story. They wondered, what if you don't have the fun, outgoing personality and energy that Aunt Rosie had?

What if, like me, you're not the life of the party? You're not the center of attention at family gatherings because of your crazy antics or magnetic charm. You don't fit the crazy, lovable, single aunt or uncle bill. Does that make you inadequate? Does that mean you are not living a full life? Or worse, does that mean you are not living out your vocation in the right way?

You will never measure up

Perhaps you have felt this way before. You feel out of place, or feel that you can never measure up to what you see celebrated as the "typical single person" or "typical single Catholic."

I know I have. I have felt like an outsider before. Felt like I don't fit in anywhere, because, well, "I'm not Catholic enough for those people" or "These people don't like me because I'm too Catholic."

Well, I have some good news for you. If you feel out of the loop or unworthy, that is actually a good thing, because...there is no typical single Catholic. And actually, there is no typical married Catholic type either. There are stereotypes, sure.

But, the more we focus on holding up one standard of "normal single life" or "normal married life" the harder it is to be open and understanding of those around us.

Now, I'm not talking about throwing virtuous living or morality to the wind. Living a virtuous life is a standard and "normal" we should all strive for. But, the beautiful thing about virtue, and about leading an authentically Catholic life, is that there is so much variety possible!

For example, chastity is a virtue to strive for. But there is more than one way to practice that virtue in your own life. Living chastely, for some, might mean starting a prayer group for singles in solidarity and support. It might mean, as a married person, sacrificing something small each day for the virtue of chastity in your own life and in others' lives. For others, it might mean spending time volunteering instead of staying alone in a place where you know you will be tempted.

Are you saint material?

And if practicing virtue can be done in so many different ways, then the lives of those practicing virtue will vary significantly. Can you be virtuous as a single, Catholic doctor? Dr. Joseph Moscati would say yes. What about as a married, skilled worker and father, or an accountant-turned-mother? Sts. Louis and Zelie would say yes.

What about if you are just scraping by to make ends meet? Is virtue and sainthood possible for you? Or maybe have you been very successful financially. It is possible then? Yes!

Either way, Catholics just like you have not only lived virtue daily, but they have made it to Heaven, and have been canonized to boot.

Are you extroverted? Introverted? Cradle Catholic? Convert? Have you lived a fairly sin-free life (you know, the mostly venial life with a few mortals scattered in the mix)? Or have you broken all of the commandments more times than you care to count?  Well, the correct combination of these traits, in order to ensure your chance in Heaven is....

Oh wait. There is no correct combination. That's right, it doesn't matter!

You can strive for virtue in your current state of life—no matter your profession, no matter your financial status, no matter your current struggle with a bad habit or a particular suffering.

Okay, great. But people still won't understand me.

But what about when other people unfairly assume you fit a stereotype? When other people label you and expect you to be that label?  "Oh, you're single, so that must mean X (you have so much free time, you are always lonely, you must not be very generous, you have plenty of disposable income)." What do you do when that is just not who you are?

I have a simple answer: first, let it go.

Then, second, let the example of your life provide people with another option, a new perspective.

I've realized my small-mindedness many times before when I have labeled someone, or just assumed that he or she would act a certain way. When I am proven wrong, I re-learn the stupidity and hurtfulness that comes along with assumption as I shamefacedly digest my slice of humble pie.

So, don't look at other people in your state of life and say, hmmm, I can never measure up. On the other hand, don't look down on how other Catholic singles are living their lives either. Be the best single or married or discerning religious person you can be in your state of life.

It's in being who you were created to be that you can celebrate All Saint's Day as a saint yourself some day. St. Cecilia Pigg has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Well, that's the goal.

Jesus is real. Keep moving towards him, in the way only you can!