What I Wish Marriage Prep Offered

“There, we’re finished!” I said as we drove home.

“Yep,” my fiancé agreed. He was quiet for a minute before adding. “But was that it? I feel like we should have... done more.”

We were returning home from our last marriage prep meeting. We loved our mentors, and the curriculum touched on a great variety of topics. But we felt “ceilinged out,” as my fiancé put it in his behavior analyst lingo. He meant, although we were happy with our experience, we didn’t feel any more prepared than when we’d started.

When we asked about further reading or resources on certain topics, our mentors didn’t have a lot to offer. I’d love to enhance marriage prep by offering couples a compilation of other resources, so newlyweds can have a readymade list when they need to dive deeper.

What are these things we wanted to dig into? There are six that come directly to mind, which we researched on our own. Take this list of resources, books, and links, and tuck it away for the future! You can also share it with any marriage prep mentors you know, so they can have a supplemental list for their mission.

1. Solid and practical financial advice.

We read and listened to David Ramsey and his famous Financial Peace programs. Dave Ramsey has a ton of know-how, classes, and advice for amateurs and even experts, so you can start wherever you feel comfortable. In marriage prep, we talked about the importance of being on the same page with finances and expectations.

What wasn’t brought up was HOW to go about building financial security as a couple. Yes, this kind of thing can be dry reading, but I think it’s really important to go through it as you start your lives together. As my sister said, money doesn’t matter, but managing it does. 

2. Studies for deeper theology behind marriage.

We went over the basics of where the Sacrament of Marriage came from, as well as touching on the sanctity of sex. I would have loved to get recommendations to dive deeper into this theology. Our favorite resources included Fulton Sheen’s classic Three To Get Married, Jackie and Bobby Angel’s FOREVER: A Catholic Devotional For Your Marriage, and Edward Sri’s Men, Women, And The Mystery Of Love: Practical Insights From JohnPaul II’s Love And Responsibility.

There are also countless free (or cheap) online studies like this one offered by Catholic institutions. So don’t be afraid to put together a study list so you can keep learning about your marriage!

3. Resources for maintaining outside friendships.

Newlyweds have a bad reputation for being lost in their own little world and completely forgetting other friends. Then there’s also the fact they simply have less time to dedicate to friendships since they’re focusing on marriage first. Either way, the point is marriage affects your other relationships.

How do you navigate this transition smoothly? You don’t want to ditch all your friends entirely, nor do you want to neglect time and energy with your spouse in an attempt to keep living the single and mingle life. How do you prioritize your spouse without neglecting or abandoning your other friends? Check out this short summary of what to expect, or this personal story about the importance of friendships over years of marriage. If you’re more of a phone call person, check out this free mentorship program for some one-on-one Christian advice.

4. Tips for transitioning out of the dating world.

The idea of missing casual dating sounds ridiculous, I know. Don’t we all just want to settle down with that one person? However, the longer you’re on the dating scene, the more difficult it can be to adjust to your new life with only one romantic interest. Think of those habits you built in years of dating, like noticing other singles in the room, dressing to impress the opposite gender, flirting with others, or seeking out new crowds full of eligibles.

Although you’re thrilled to marry the love of your life, it doesn’t mean you magically forget the dating scene mode. I haven’t actually found a book or resource for this phenomenon yet. (Contact us if you know of one!) But, I do feel like marriage prep should at least mention this to couples, especially for those who spent a lot of time on the dating around phase.

5. How-to-guides for building and keeping healthy boundaries with others. 

Keeping healthy boundaries with everyone outside your marriage can be daunting. Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How To Say No To Take Control Of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend has been recommended to me by a good friend. Cards on the table, I haven’t read it yet, but I think it would be a great starting place for couples who are “people-pleasers,” come from very different dynamics in their families, or singles who find themselves already having difficulties with boundaries.

These authors also offer Boundaries In Marriage, which would be a helpful read for people who come from broken, unhealthy, or abusive families and want more specific guidelines on how to build a healthy marriage and family.

6. Kids? What now?!

Okay, everybody getting married in the Catholic Church, and most Christian churches can expect that kids will be part of their marriage. Usually this happens biologically. (Adoption and spiritual parenthood totally count too!) This is expected and discussed in marriage prep, but the only resource offered was NFP classes. They’re great and important, but don’t exactly prepare you for when that bouncing baby (or five) comes along.

Whether you come from a single-child household or you’re the oldest of nine siblings, it never hurts to do a little extra digging into how kids will affect your marriage.  Try reading Babyproofing Your Marriage: How To Laugh More And Argue Less As Your Family Grows by for a general guide to the early years of parenting. Pick up Kids Are Worth It by Barbara Coloroso for some direct parenting advice as kids grow up and start school. Blended families can be a particular struggle for people remarrying after annulments; check out this article and its resources for some pointers there. And if you’re curious about what your marriage is saying to your kids, try reading this book on marriage as the children’s blueprint for love.

I’d like to finish with a big shoutout to all the marriage prep mentors out there! You guys are doing wonderful stuff, and we all thank you for it. I hope this list gives you some extra support as you keep up the great work!