Are You Dating Seriously? These Are the Boundaries You Need to Set ASAP

Boundaries are an essential aspect of a serious relationship.

If you are in a serious relationship now or plan on being in one in the near future, it is important to know how to set boundaries and why.

In this post, we’ll discuss why boundaries are necessary and some rules to help you set them in your relationship.

Why are boundaries necessary in a serious relationship?

A boundary is a claim to what is one’s own. It is a verbally communicated expectation of how another person can treat things that are yours, specifically your body, time, space, thoughts, feelings, actions, etc.

In a serious relationship, your significant other will have more access to these things than the average person. You will share things that are yours that you would not share with other people. You spend more time with them, you hold their hand and kiss them, etc.

Since this access is greater, the need for boundaries is greater, too.

Verbally communicated boundaries help establish mutual respect, trust, and understanding. They are guidelines that define how each person will give and receive from each other. You need to know how to invest your time, energy, and emotions in the relationship, and how much space you each need to maintain your own personhood.

Boundaries make sure each person feels safe and respected. They help prevent unnecessary misunderstandings, conflicts, and even breakups. They help you both understand each other's needs and expectations, which leads to a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

How to set boundaries in a serious Catholic relationship?

Setting boundaries may seem challenging, but they are essential to maintaining a respectful and healthy relationship. Here are some steps to set boundaries effectively in your relationship:

Identify your needs and expectations

Before setting boundaries, it is crucial to identify your needs and expectations from the relationship. Ask yourself what you want from the relationship, what your deal-breakers are, and what makes you feel uncomfortable or disrespected.

• How do you expect physical affection to unfold?
• How much time do you expect to spend together?
• What spaces do you want to share or keep to yourself when they visit?
• How do you expect to communicate thoughts or feelings?
• How often do you expect them to be emotionally available for you?
• How will you deal with actions that hurt you?

Once you have a clear idea of your needs and expectations, communicate them to your partner. Stating these things plainly will also help you see if your expectations are reasonable.

Communicate your boundaries clearly

Communication is key to setting boundaries effectively. Once you have an idea of what boundaries you want to set, clearly communicate them in a respectful and non-judgmental manner.

If you’re setting boundaries late, it is possible some have already been crossed on accident. If that is the case, use "I" statements to express your feelings and avoid blaming or criticizing your partner. Be specific and give examples of situations that make you feel uncomfortable or disrespected.

For example, "I feel uncomfortable when you do X with your male friends. I would feel more secure in our relationship if you did not do that anymore."

Listen to their perspective

Setting boundaries is not a one-way street. It is important to listen to your significant other’s perspective and understand their needs and expectations. Make sure to create a safe and open space for your partner to express themselves without judgment or criticism. Consider their perspective and try to find a compromise that works for both of you.

If the boundaries they try to set seem unrealistic, tell them using that “I” language from before. Similarly, if they think your boundaries are unrealistic, let them express why.

Be consistent

Consistency is key to maintaining boundaries in a serious relationship. Stick to your boundaries. Don't compromise just to please your partner or avoid conflicts. If your significant other gets upset with you for sticking to your boundaries, you do not need to let their anger upset you. They are getting upset at something they agreed to. They will move on if you give them time.

Consistency shows that you respect yourself, your significant other, and your relationship. It reinforces the importance of the boundaries you set.

Reevaluate your boundaries

Boundaries will change over time as your relationship evolves. You may find you need to spend more or less time together. You may find one way of expressing physical affection is not healthy anymore, since it is a near occasion of sin.

It is important to reevaluate your boundaries periodically and make adjustments if necessary. If you feel that your boundaries are no longer working for you, communicate them and find a compromise that works for both of you.

Setting boundaries is an important part of the virtue of chastity. The virtue of chastity is the ability to know how to give yourself to other people. It is unchaste to give too much of yourself or too little.

Setting boundaries helps set expectations for chastity in your relationship.

If you follow these rules, your experience in a serious dating relationship will be much smoother!