Editor's Note: It's both National Marriage Week and Catholic Marriage Week! We're celebrating by publishing some articles more specific to marriage issues. Check out other resources for Catholic Marriage Week here.
One of the big things we all hear about Catholic marriage is Natural Family Planning (NFP).
You’re probably familiar with the major reasons to use NFP—it’s approved by Catholic Church, it’s in line with God’s design, it builds stronger marriages, and is a natural way to avoid or achieve a pregnancy. These are all good things; but they aren’t all the good things. When I got married a year ago, I discovered a whole trove of perks no one told me about using NFP.
1. NFP is cheap.
We save major bank. And, at least through Couple to Couple League, we have connections to lifelong support mentors we can always turn to in times of confusion. No fees involved. Even our marriage prep mentors talked about how what got them interested in NFP in the first place was the one-time cost of taking the class, versus endless costs of other birth control. (They got onto the theology of the body bandwagon later.) I believe our online course including video lectures, books, first year of charts, and thermometer cost about $100. That’s less than half the price most people spend on a new cell phone. So even if you’re not Catholic and you’re strapped for cash, NFP is still the way to go.
2. In dating, knowing you will use NFP can help you discern.
It weeds out all the people who wouldn’t embrace your and their bodies as extensions of your souls. Seriously, think about it for a minute. If you (ladies or gents!) were to explain why you would be committed to using NFP in a marriage, you’d probably get one of two reactions. First, those who hold on to the less-than-moral conventions of today’s family planning will probably think you’re nuts. Sure, they might try hang around or say they’re open to your ideas, but when push comes to shove, treating fertility like a disease is a red flag. Then, there are people who are truly receptive to the idea or already are committed to using it in the future; this is a great sign!
[click_to_tweet tweet="When push comes to shove, treating fertility like a disease is a red flag." quote="When push comes to shove, treating fertility like a disease is a red flag."]
Just remember, don’t whip this topic out on the first date. Even people who agree with using NFP don’t often want to bring up such intimate topics before trust is established. Talk about it when you are starting to get serious with someone; discussing the theology behind NFP as well as it’s practical use can really show you how a person views your (and their!) bodies.
3. The little things like holding hands are not forgotten, nor do they lose meaning.
Why is this? Because not every kiss can be assumed to lead to something more. “Something more” depends on what you both are called to do during that specific cycle. Therefore, those little things like forehead kisses remain the same expression of un-entitled affection as they do in dating relationships. With NFP, we gained a built-in throwback every month to “remember when…?”
[click_to_tweet tweet="The little physical gestures during your day become more meaningful." quote="The little physical gestures during your day become more meaningful."]
My husband and I like to use these times to find other physical connections like hiking, ballroom dancing, etc., just like we did when we were dating. It helps us remember how we started and just how much we are blessed with our marriage! Many say that with NFP, sex doesn’t feel like an obligation or a chore—which is true. But how value remains in all the other little physical gestures is something worth telling people.
4. The medical knowledge you gain is invaluable.
I’m someone who deals with chronic illness, and charting turns out to keep great track of my temperatures, sick days, and other symptoms. This is fabulous information for doctor appointments, health records, and catching when something might be wrong. This would also be great information to record for anyone who is having difficulty conceiving. That’s one of the first things your OBGYN is going to ask you to do during fertility troubles: track symptoms and cycles for a while. Get ahead of the game naturally, guys!
5. No more surprise periods.
Seriously, this little perk goes almost completely umentioned! I know, this might be too much information for any guys out there reading this. (Sorry, folks, this is the stuff you’re going to be dealing with in marriage—stay tuned for more TMI!) I have an irregular cycle, so I’ve always had trouble knowing when exactly that monthly visitor was going to show up. When I started charting, even just after a couple months, it became easy to tell when to have my feminine products on hand. Charting foresees this. So ladies, if you want predictability, this can be an answer!
6. Charting is easy to integrate into your life.
Something my husband and I do along with prayers, showering, and stretching. It doesn’t sound relaxing, I know. If you’ve ever seen an NFP chart, you probably thought you were looking at Beethoven’s original design for organizing his entire fifth symphony on one piece of paper. It looks mighty confusing. BUT. You only have to fill out one little column a day—that is, two letters, and one temperature. Not so bad as people think! As soon as one month in, you’ll find yourself going, “Aha, this is not nearly as hard as it looks! I got this.” Just like riding a bike or learning to play an instrument, charting becomes second nature with just a little practice. It becomes relaxing to have something to check in with every evening, and the daily practice lets you know exactly what your body is doing which days.
[click_to_tweet tweet="Charting becomes second nature with just a little practice." quote="Charting becomes second nature with just a little practice."]
Sure, there are also tough pieces to NFP. Waiting can be difficult, sometimes I forget to pay attention to symptoms that day, miss a temperature, et cetera. But there are always hard parts to a sex life. It’s just a matter of choosing what you want to worry about. Even if I could put morality aside, I’d rather worry about charting than the unknown abortions the pill can cause, the cost of barrier methods, or the carcinogens of injected hormones, not to mention the mindset of treating my body like someone else’s playground. We are sons and daughters of God, and we all deserve to treat ourselves and others that way. Sexuality and all.
