Tough Conversations You Need to Have Before Marriage: Money

Money.

We all need it to survive, but in all honesty, many of us probably do not have the best relationship with money.

Allow me to use myself as a real life example.

I got married at almost 27 years old. I had close to $40,000 in debt mostly from college days. Don’t ever be stupid like I was and take out a loan to go on pilgrimage to Ireland and Medjugorje. On top of that, I had a credit card I was regularly using for frivolous purchases I thought I “needed.” I didn’t have much savings and I was not tithing any of my income to my parish or the wider Church. The first year of my marriage my former in-laws had to help us each month because my former husband was finishing graduate school.

Honestly, I felt like a financial hot mess for a long time.

Looking back, I did not have many important money conversations before getting married. We did not discuss how we would tackle our debt or build a sufficient savings account. We ignored talking about the importance of making a budget each month and sticking to it. And we never even discussed what it would look like to start saving for things like retirement or emergency car repairs.

I know I made a lot mistakes in this department and am by no means an expert to this day. But I have learned a lot from poor financial choices from five or six years ago.

I want to share with you a list of important questions to discuss with your significant other, and you should discuss them long before you get married.

Here are what I think some of the most important things are to talk about when it comes to money and finances:

1. What are your personal beliefs about money?
2. Do you see it as “your” money or a gift from God you need to properly steward?
3. How much debt do you have? What are your plans for paying it off?
4. How will you tackle this as a couple?
5. Do you make a monthly budget each month? If not, why not? If so, do you stick to your budget or do you fudge it and try to bend the rules?
6. How much credit card debt do you have? What types of things do you use your credit card for?
7. What are your long term goals for money with things like savings, retirement, or saving to buy a new or used car?
8. Where do you and your partner agree and line up on your thoughts about money and finances?
9. Where do you disagree and have differences? How would you handle these differences if you were married?
10. What are your beliefs and feelings towards tithing your income to the Church? Do you see its importance and what would it look like if you were married?

Now of course there are plenty of other important questions you may want to add. These are just a handful to get you thinking and talking with each other. The only wrong way to go about this is NOT having these conversation when seriously dating or after getting married.

When talking about Christian and Catholic resources for money and finances, there a lot of good resources out there.

Here are a handful of helpful ones I have come across on my journey:

1. 7 Steps to Becoming Financially Free: A Catholic Guide by Phil Lenahan

I actually did this study in a small group in college. To be honest, a lot of the principles did not stick with me (sorry Phil!). I think the main problem was my own personal level of commitment. My head was not really in the game. When I started fix my attitude towards money, I re-read this book. If you are looking for a great Catholic resource, I would recommend this one!

2. Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey

I took this class at a local church my first year of marriage. It was a game changer! I still pay in cash and drive a really old car in efforts to become debt free. With big life changes I faced with marriage, divorce, and rebuilding a new life I still do have debt. BUT, I have a game plan to pay it off and know someday I will get there.

3. The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

This is a great initial place to start when learning about the money principles that help millions of Americans become debt free. This book thoroughly explains the 7 Baby Steps to becoming debt free, as well as lots of really practical information for people trying to figure this all out. I started off with this book and then eventually took Financial Peace University.

What are helpful financial resources that you have come across in your own life? What are things helping you make better decisions with your money?