How to Stay Sane While Planning a Catholic Wedding
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Congratulations! You’re engaged!
No doubt you are constantly getting asked questions like, “When is the date?” “Have you picked a venue?” or “How is wedding planning going?” All of these questions are out of love, so if you can, try to soak it up! It is perfectly understandable though, if these questions feel a little overwhelming, especially if you haven’t gotten too far into the planning yet.
When I was engaged and people would ask me how wedding planning was going, I didn’t always know how to answer, because I wasn’t sure at what pace I was supposed to be checking things off the proverbial list.
Fortunately though, my experience of wedding planning went smoothly; despite our venue canceling on us just a few months after booking (two years later, they are now out of business). Because the eleven months leading up to our wedding was a relatively low-stress time, I’m hoping the tips we used can help you in your time of planning as well.
First things first.
This list of ideas is not another check-list. If reading these tips makes you feel anxious, then take a step back, and maybe come back to them later, or perhaps just start by choosing one idea instead of trying to implement them all.
Also, don’t be afraid if some projects take longer than anticipated. I thought that choosing bridesmaid dresses would be a fairly easy process. I gave my bridesmaids a designer to buy and the recommendation to find a dress in a “blush” color. Turns out there are a lot of varieties of blush, and a few of the girls chose the same dress.
Fortunately, all of my maids were very gracious and patient in the decision making process, but that’s just one example of something that didn’t quite go as easily as planned.
1.) Prioritize.
Discuss with your fiancé what the two of you want to highlight during the day of your wedding. What is most important to both of you? Name the priorities at the top of your list, and focus on those.
Let go of what other people think you should do or have at your wedding. Sure, maybe having a smoke-bomb or sparkler send off is the hottest way to make your exit, but if it’s not your or your husband’s thing, skip it. If thinking about wedding favors doesn’t make you excited, I think it is fair to say your guests will be just fine without a tiny bag of knock-off M&Ms branded with your new initials.
The bottom line is that you only have so much time to plan and money to spend, so make sure the things you’re spending both on are worth it!
For my husband and I, we wanted to focus on the wedding Mass. We knew that our guests came from a wide range of religious backgrounds: cradle-Catholics, Protestants, those who had fallen away from their faith, and Atheists. We wanted them all to feel welcome (not lost) during the ceremony.
This meant we spent a lot of time creating a Mass program which included explanations for the different traditions we practice. We explained what the Liturgy of the Word was all about, what Catholics believe about Holy Communion and what to do if you are not Catholic. We also included explanations for why we prayed the Litany of the Saints before we said our vows and why we brought flowers to Mary after our vows.
The second priority on our list was having the ability to invite a large number of guests. Both of our dads come from families with nine or more siblings and we had lots of friends and family who we wanted to have there celebrating with us. Our chosen guest list meant we had to find a more simple venue in order to accommodate the size, as well as stay within our budget—but simple did not mean boring!
We found a beautiful room at a nearby university campus with huge windows and an outdoor patio. We freshened up the atmosphere with freshly cut white flowers and plenty of thrift-store tea-lights to go around.
2.) Accept help and ask for help.
As I was engaged, one of my newly married friends said to me, “When I was getting married, I had to remind myself that people want to help!”
Her words were such a comfort for me, because there was a big part of me that felt like if I asked for or accepted help, I was putting a burden on someone else’s shoulders. Part of me felt guilty for asking someone else to create name-cards, set up the venue before the wedding, or make desserts for the reception.
But what I learned, is that my friend was right. Out of the generosity of their hearts, these people really did want to help. When I finally learned to receive their love, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I experienced so much more joy in my own planning.
There’s one specific person here that I cannot fail to mention, and that would be my now-husband. Honestly, one of the main reasons why I felt so relaxed during our engagement was because he took the lead on so many projects, especially the biggest one: researching venues, calling them with questions, and setting up meetings with them.
Because he took charge of a lot of the bigger picture items, I got to spend more time having fun with curating our music list, picking out flowers, and planning our honeymoon!
3.) Schedule a weekly time to wedding plan.
During our early engagement, my fiance and I found that wedding plans became a part of our regular conversation. Of course, this is a good thing, as we were very excited about the event at hand, but we also found that it was better for this time of planning to be more intentional.
I’ve heard that parents say that when they have kids they have to make a conscious effort to go out to dinner and not talk about their kids. Of course, children are much different than wedding planning, but I want to offer the same idea.
When you set aside a time each week to plan for the wedding, you are much more likely to come to the table both prepared and focused, which lends itself much better to efficient planning. If you and your significant other are long distance, you can make this a Skype or Phone date, but try to be careful not to let it interfere with your real dates.
During engagement, sometimes my fiancé and I would plan a date-night of going out to dinner, and would both agree that after dinner we could go back to one of our homes and work on some wedding logistics. That’s fine too! Just be careful to put aside intentional time for planning, and not let it creep into every single aspect of your conversation and relationship.
4.) Pray a weekly holy hour together.
Stay grounded! In the months leading up to your wedding, it is so important to stay close to Jesus! He’s the one who led you to your soon to be spouse, and He is the one who is going to be with you when you strive “to love and to honor” your spouse all the days of your life.
Wedding planning can get stressful and in the busy days or weeks of planning and tensions were high, my husband and I found that Adoration helped to keep us at peace and refocus. We are far from perfect, and making this time for prayer helped us to be better versions of ourselves!
Before the tabernacle I could lay down any of my husband’s and my concerns for the wedding and simply be. This in turn renewed my energy and gave me a better attitude to continue working on the checklist.
I realize I’m only about a year and a half in, but marriage is the greatest adventure I’ve been on yet. I hope that with a few of these tips, you can better enter into the beauty and grace of the Sacrament with peace and joy.
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