Seek the Wisdom of an Older Couple as You Prepare for Marriage

“I fantasized that Lou would die,” Nancy said matter-of-factly about her husband of five decades.

“I wouldn’t kill him, but I just wanted him to go away.” As she said this, Lou just chuckled and took another bite of his chocolate eclair cake. 

My fiancée and I were sitting on the front porch of their farmhouse as they shared their story. Nancy and Lou are a couple from our church, who have agreed to mentor us as we prepare for marriage. 

Nancy and Lou are not the picture perfect Catholic couple. In their early seventies, they’ve weathered a lot of storms. Lou was baptized Catholic as a baby but ignored the faith most of his life. Nancy grew up Methodist. They married in the midst of the sexual revolution in 1970 and neither cared much about religion. 

“We had premarital sex, and after we got married, we were both having extramarital affairs with friends,” Lou shared.

Lou was an alcoholic and Nancy constantly judged him.

After raising their children, they were both bitter and miserable. But despite their selfish pursuits, a longing for a connection with God stirred within both of them. 

Seeking something deeper in life, they started attending an Episcopal church. Over time, they tried several denominations, but neither felt fully at home in the various Protestant churches they sampled. 

Lou started drifting toward Catholicism, the faith of his youth. He studied theology, read Catholic books, and started attending Mass.

Nancy was happy to let Lou explore on his own. She preferred going to Protestant churches alone, just so she wouldn’t have to be around him. 

But gradually, something changed. Nancy started feeling more affection toward Lou. As their personal connection reawakened, she didn’t want to worship apart from him. So Nancy started attending Mass with Lou on random Sundays. 

Nancy found herself attracted to the Catholic Church’s ritual and reverence. She still occasionally went to Baptist churches by herself, but during the service, she would make the sign of the Cross. Needless to say, her Baptist friends found this strange. 

What was happening?

God was gently drawing the broken couple back to a home neither had ever really known: the Catholic Church.

Lou gave up booze and started attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. The 12 steps of AA helped bring him closer to God. 

Nancy witnessed the change in her estranged husband. The extramarital affairs stopped and something wild and profound occurred: they both found themselves wanting to save their long sham of a marriage. 

In time, Nancy and Lou both discovered a personal relationship with Jesus and were fully received into the Catholic Church. Today, shaped by their mistakes and redemption, they mentor younger couples who are preparing for marriage. They’ve been through the worst of it and they have the experience and wisdom to share with others who are starting down the path toward marriage. 

Some young couples they counsel are living together before marriage. Others are trying to remain chaste until their wedding day. Nancy and Lou have lived through it all, so they approach their younger couples with compassion and understanding, but also with the wisdom the Church teaches: marriage is a holy sacrament and should be respected, before and after the wedding day. 

As my fiancée and I sat on their porch and ate dessert and played with the dogs, pigs, donkeys, and cows on their farm, we were both grateful that Nancy and Lou have decided to share their lives and experience with us.

They have traveled down a road we haven’t, and have dedicated themselves to helping us dodge the potential landmines that litter the path ahead. 

So seek out that timeless wisdom as you journey down this new path of marriage.

As Proverbs 4:13-15 says:

Keep hold of instruction, do not let go;

    guard her, for she is your life.

Do not enter the path of the wicked,

    and do not walk in the way of evil men.

Avoid it; do not go on it;

    turn away from it and pass on.

Nancy and Lou have walked in the path of the wicked and they know its rotten fruit. They have also re-found their footing and walked in the path of wisdom, forgiveness, and love for many years. Now, on their front porch and over the next few months before our wedding day, they are sharing their hard-won wisdom with me and my future wife. 

If you’re considering marriage, I encourage you to find your own Nancy and Lou. It could be a couple from your church, family members, or just older and wiser friends. People who have walked the path before you and can help you navigate it. 

Too many couples launch into marriage without preparation, thinking love or passion alone will carry them through.

But this is unwise.

None of us has it all figured out, especially if we’ve never done it before. We all need guides along the journey that leads to Heaven. That’s ultimately what marriage is, after all: a vocation that leads us finally into the arms of Jesus. God wants marriage to make us happy, yes, but also to make us holy.

My fiancée and I are grateful we have Nancy and Lou to guide us along the path. Seek the same wisdom, experience, and guidance from a couple who’s been there before. You’ll be glad, too.