Here on CatholicMatch, there have been lots of articles and posts on why saving sex for marriage is imperative to a healthy relationship and future marriage. And rightly so! As both physical and spiritual beings, how we act and treat our bodies impacts our souls and spiritual life. Discussing and sharing chastity as a spiritual virtue is necessary!
What isn’t as widely discussed is chastity’s practical, applicable benefits in the dating world. Believe it or not, saving sex for marriage isn’t just about self control or spiritual adherence. There are very real, tangible reasons that chastity can benefit singles, Catholic or not! Here are just a few of them:
1. You will discover the basis of your romantic relationships.
Chaste dating and ONLY chaste dating offers clarity in knowing exactly what your relationship is built on. In today’s hookup culture, many dating relationships are built on sex alone. This leaves huge, gaping holes in the foundation of any romance, and people often find themselves unsure of why they are together or where the relationship is going. Chaste dating eliminates this common trap.
No, it doesn’t automatically mean everyone is dating with marriage intentions. But it does mean you’ll see these intentions for what they are. Whether a relationship is built on faith, affection, convenience, connection, common goals, or something else, you’ll be able to see it clearly without premarital sex clouding the view. This is obviously important to discerning marriage!
2. Chastity proves your commitment to the good of the other person.
Chaste dating is undeniably the best way to prove your love for another person—and for them to prove theirs to you. Why? You are both denying yourselves a natural human tendency in order to take care of each other’s well-being—spiritually, physically, and emotionally. So if you date chastely, you prove your readiness to take care of another person, prioritizing them above your own feelings and desires.
This is especially true for men, who biologically speaking, have a much higher sexual drive than women, and who often require more self-discipline in chastity. And gentlemen, this is insanely attractive to women! Dating chastely puts you in the “husband material” category, since you as a man are proving capable of putting her needs, or a future family’s, above your own impulse. Women need that security, because physical intimacy is vulnerable for us—which leads into my next point . . .
3. You eliminate concerns about communicable diseases, unplanned pregnancy, etc.
Being sexually active comes with serious responsibilities, and for single unmarried folks (especially women,) serious dangers. Is this person being truthful about their clean health? What if you get pregnant? What if you have to sign up for eighteen years of child support? These are looming concerns in hookup culture and even for couples who might think they’re in love, but aren’t yet married.
Being chaste will remove these dangers almost entirely! This keeps your focus completely on the relationship with each other, which is where your attention should be in the first place. Taking some of these big, real-world concerns off the table entirely is a total relief for singles in the dating world. It frees up your mental space and energy to focus on finding the right person for a future marriage.
4. You have an automatic weed-out (or opt-in) system during the early dating stages.
Not sure if he likes you just because of your body? He won’t stick around when he finds out you’re not sharing it. Wondering what to say if she wants to spend the night? Wonder no longer. Anyone who doesn’t share your practices of chaste dating will self-select out of your love life. This not only weeds out people who would not be a good fit, but it also will be a big green flag to people who do share your values!
Chaste dating is a great way to find clarity here. In today’s far-less-than-chaste dating culture, singles are always confused whether their date or significant other is choosing them for who they are, or choosing them because of what they’re okay doing without a wedding ring. So choose to save intimacy for after the wedding, and your path to the altar will suddenly feel a lot less crowded! You’ll quickly be able to recognize compatible dates based on their physical expectations for a romantic relationship.
5. Communication skills are revealed.
It’s common knowledge that sleeping together can be a band-aid over deeper issues. This is often attributed to hormones like oxytocin and dopamine, which support the deep spiritual bond shared in marriage. Getting into this bond before knowing and committing fully to each other can cover up major problems! This is where chastity comes in again: in dating, it helps couples rely on a true connection through communication.
Since you as a dating couple won’t jump the gun and share physical intimacy too soon, you instead develop an emotional connection based on your relationship itself. Talking about your values, personalities, expectations, and desires is where you should be building your connection during dating. And, much like the weed-out system we previously discussed, people will quickly show their true colors!
You and your date will learn far more about your strengths and weaknesses when you focus on communicating. And bonus, whether you stick together or break up, this also offers you the chance to work on your own communication skills.
6. Romance will be cherished deeply.
Chastity’s great overlooked benefit is how it can imbue meaning and love in the smallest gesture. Romantic things like gifts, flowers, or letters become far more touching when they aren’t being used as a tool to push physical dating boundaries. In the non-chaste dating world, lots of singles expect lots of favors in return for simple romantic expressions!
Choose the beauty and sincerity of chaste dating instead, where gifts are sent simply because your date thought of you, and holding hands is an innocent way to share affection. By the way, this is also a big benefit of using Natural Family Planning with a spouse—practicing chastity in dating this way will carry through to a meaningful marriage!
Sometimes it can feel like you’re the only single who’s waiting until marriage, and it’s so hard to find anyone who shares your viewpoint. You can feel singled out because of chastity! (Pun intended.) But remember this: we are meant to be the light on the hill and the salt of the earth. If we stand out because we are striving to live virtuously, that’s okay. God can and will use it for good. So embrace chastity, and see how your dating life can flourish because of it!
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