Don't Be the Couple Who Drops off the Face of the Earth

So, someone is in a new relationship.

We’ve all been there, and asked the proverbial, “Have you seen (fill in the blank) lately?,” and been met with a reply explaining that since he or she has started dating so and so, they really haven’t been around much.

If you’re like me, your initial reaction is a bit of a heart drop, hoping that sooner rather than later your friend will re-engage in your life. It is especially noticeable when two friends within one social group begin dating, and they no longer attend gatherings and parties. But even if it is just one person who is missing from the party, I look forward to when they bring their significant other with them so that I can get to know the special person in their life and get to know them as a couple.

Of course, there are appropriate times when two people need to set aside intentional, quality time with each other in order to get to know one another outside of a large group of people, but it is essential to remember that community equals support, and in the long run, you will want a strong support system.

One-on-one time is still important.

So what is one to do to not become referred to as the one who is always “MIA”, yet also honors time alone spent with this significant other?

Be mindful of the time spent alone together compared with the time you spend with friends together. This is something my husband and I tried to do while we were dating and engaged. In fact, during some weeks, we needed to focus on spending more time one-on-one because group activities quickly filled up our calendar. It is a healthy practice to simply be more aware of how you spend your time and how you find that affecting your own relationship, as well as your relationship with others.

The early stages of a dating relationship are new and exciting, but with the newness, it can also feel fragile. With quality time spent together, this fragility slowly turns into stability, making one-on-one time of utmost importance.

There are specific times in a relationship when I think it is actually wise to intentionally spend more time with your significant other rather than say yes to every possible social gathering. These times are early dating, early engagement, late engagement, and early marriage. This connects back to stability, to building a strong foundation as a couple and learning how to better become one. It also simply has to do with basking in the joy of the moment with your love without getting swept away in the busyness of life.

Just be conscious of how long you step away from your friends, or how often you are saying no to them.

Good friends will likely understand that you have very good reason for not being available 24/7, but be careful not to make your and your significant other’s relationship a purely insular one.

The relationship you share with your significant other has potential to make a great impact on the world. If you bring out the best in one another, imagine how together your witness of love, respect and joy can be a blessing to others.

In fact, the Church teaches us that married love is intended to bear fruit, not only meaning children, but also through the light we can bear in the “common work” of daily life.

A few notes from the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

In the Catechism of the Catholic Church we learn that marriage is in the order of Creation, that the very Sacrament of Matrimony takes place among a community. It cannot happen without witnesses being present.

“Since marriage establishes the couple in a public state of life in the Church, it is fitting that its celebrating be public, in the framework of a liturgical celebration, before the priest (or a witness authorized by the Church), the witnesses, and the assembly of the faithful” (1663).

Marriage is meant to be an earthly symbol of Christ’s love for us, and the better our marriage, the greater witness we can be to the world. Pope Saint John Paul II wrote in Familiaris Consortio that:

“to bear witness to the inestimable value of the indissolubility and fidelity of marriage is one of the most precious and most urgent tasks of Christian couples in our time...they perform the role committed to them of being in the world a ‘sign’—a small and precious sign...—of the unfailing fidelity with which God and Jesus Christ love each and every human being"

It is a responsibility of a married couple to be a witness of God’s love, so even if you are just dating, it’s not too early to start now. Get out there in the world and let the unique hue of your relationship shine!