How to Maintain Friendships as an Adult

Part of my job as a teacher is being an, unofficial, friendship counselor.

Every day I am expected to assist at least one group of kids navigate the waters of their friendships. I’m often the middleman, the peacemaker, and the advice-giver. It dawned on me at some point this year that a lot of the advice that I dish out to my students is actually applicable to adults as well.

1. Remember that all relationships, including friendships, require sacrifice.

It’s important to remember that just like with any type of relationship, cultivating a friendship requires sacrifice. You’ve got to make time to spend with your friends. As working adults with lots of responsibilities and bills to pay, it can be difficult to set aside time to “hang out” with people.

This can be especially difficult if your best friends live across the country (yes, I’m speaking from experience). However, technology can mitigate some of these issues and, dare I say it, social media makes connecting with the long-distance friends easy to do on a daily basis.

Something as simple as sending your friends a ridiculous meme to cheer them up on a crummy Monday afternoon can mean a lot. Even Snapchat has its benefits as you can send quick videos of yourself just reminding your friends that you’re going to offer Mass for them today. Be creative and extra thoughtful and send a care package every now and then.

2. Reach out to friends near and far.

Friendships require communication.

Talking in person is ideal, however, that may not be possible every week. So, make sure that you are connecting via a phone call, text, Facebook, Instagram or however it is that you prefer to communicate from a distance.

Personally, receiving old fashioned snail mail letters is awesome! It shows that you really took some time with your thoughts and sent them something more personal than a winky face via text message. If the person is in town, plan to go to Mass together or meet up for breakfast afterwards. Spend some time then with people whose company you enjoy.

3. Stop having an excuse for everything.

This piece of advice is so simple it’s almost ridiculous. If your current friends invite you to a group get together, outing, or whatever, say yes and then actually go. Don’t bail out on your friends.

Yes, you may be exhausted from work and just want to go home and crash on the couch, however, I guarantee an hour out visiting with your friend will not kill you. You may find yourself feeling a lot better actually, as good conversation with good friends is the best remedy to a trying day at work.

4. Learn to be a good listener.

When you are out with your friends, be a good listener. We all need to vent sometimes. Be the person your friend knows that they can talk to about anything. And then actually listen. Don’t immediately try to fix their problem; more often than not, you can’t anyway.

Just by listening, by actually hearing what issues your friend is having, that can bring them an enormous amount of comfort. Everyone wants to be heard and have their perspective understood. Be that person for your friend.

5. Pray for your friends.

Ask them what prayers you could offer up for them. Interceding on their behalf is one of the most generous things you can do for a friend. We’re all trying to get to Heaven so praying for each other should be a given.

Praying for your friends will also help you to focus less on yourself and your problems. This can be helpful when you feel yourself beginning to wallow in your own sorrows. Put them aside for a moment and lift up your friend’s needs to the Lord. Trust me, you’ll still have plenty of time to talk to Jesus about your own problems.

Sometimes I think adults forget how to be a good friend.

We get so bogged down with our daily lives that by the time we get a second to ourselves, the last thing we want to do is to go out and/or give that time to someone else. But that is precisely why so many adults find themselves lacking solid friendships and social lives outside of their significant others or coworkers.

So, work on being a good friend and cultivating good relationships. After all, we were made to live in relationship and that includes friendship.