How to Make Online Dating Work for Your Disability

A disability shouldn't stop you from pursuing a relationship.

Online dating is a GREAT way to explore relationships when you have a disability (or chronic illness). It brings the hard work of meeting other singles right to your living room! The trouble hits when your disability makes some part of online dating itself difficult. Perhaps dyslexia affects reading and writing. Maybe social cues are a mystery to your mild autism. Or your anxiety kicks into high gear every time you log in. The list goes on.

Never fear! Here are some simple tips and tricks you can use to make online dating work for your disability.

(I want to preface this by saying: know yourself first! This is the single most important step in pursuing dating and relationships, regardless of ability levels. If you don’t know your own strengths and needs, it’s unfair to expect a date to be able to figure out those things.)

Let’s jump right in!

Technological Supports.

Using technology for reading, writing, and social interaction can be very difficult for someone with learning disabilities like dyslexia, dyscalcula, dysgraphia, mild social skills disorders, or hearing or vision impairments. 

• Use a free online resource to read your messages aloud to you. If computer-generated voices really bother you, consider upgrading to downloadable software or paid registration sites, which often have more options for male versus female voices, accent types, and even font types. However, if you’d just like to give it a try, https://ttsreader.com is an easy free resource for you. Ispeech.org has many language options, too! Just copy your message and paste it into the text-to-speech box, and hit play. Voila! Instant audio-message.

• Use a speech to text app to write your own messages. Most iPhones come with a speech-to-text mic app already, so make use of the CatholicMatch dating app on your phone! Another option is to explore your laptop or desktop computer to find speech to text options, which your computer might already come equipped with—if not, explore what options are available based on the brand name of your computer.

• Recruit someone to help you write and set up your profile. Yes, I’m going to be talking about the buddy system a lot here, because it can be helpful in so many situations! Here specifically, a friend or family member can help you make sure your profile is free of spelling errors and organized clearly, so potential dates have an easy time getting to know you. Bonus: CatholicMatch offers pre-organized questions and lists to make this process easier for you!

Social Supports.

In person or online social interactions can be impacted by autism, certain learning disabilities, anxiety, depression, or other emotional/mental challenges.

• Have a written set of boundaries or guidelines for your messaging, chatting, and/or online social interaction. This can be as intense or vague as you need! For instance, you could write up a fill-in-the-blank script if introducing yourself is hard, or you could just make a bullet list of what you want to include in your messages. If you’re not sure where to start, ask someone else who has more experience with online dating. Remember, online messaging is supposed to be a simple way to get to know other people, so be open and friendly without pouring your heart out in messages!

• Take notes from an online dating course. CatholicMatch offers online dating courses specifically for Catholics, so you can learn the “rules of the game.” Take some written notes on what to expect, how to progress a conversation, and when you might want to take things offline. Similarly, consider having a written plan of how you want to tactfully to end a conversation.

• Buddy up with a friend to double check messages. Here, again, friends are awesome! If you’re not sure how to read a message, how you are coming across in your own message, or what you want to do with a conversation, grab a close friend and get a second opinion. There’s nothing wrong with recruiting someone to help you out with understanding online social cues!

Emotional and Mental Supports.

Depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and mental health concerns can all challenge singles’ online dating success.

• Set a messaging goal to make sure you’re using online dating to your best benefit. You can set a limit of weekly or daily messages to read or send. The nice thing is, this can help you with either talking to too many people, or a need to talk to more people! Know how you want your messaging to look, write it down, and then stick to it for at least a couple weeks. If you find it’s not working for you, reevaluate and try again.

• Clarify your standards. If you have difficulty knowing what you want, try making a physical list of your standards. One of my friends’ lists includes only replying to people she’s genuinely interested in and being open to long distance relationships. If you tend to be too limiting, your list could include replying to people you normally would write off due to distance or music taste.

• Set up an accountability partner for whatever your need is. If you tend to get discouraged or depressed easily, ask a friend to give you a pep talk or hold you accountable before you give up. If you are a little too gung-ho and reply to every single message, ask a family member to help you slow down when you’ve spent too much time on-screen. If you’re not sure what a healthy online interaction looks like, ask someone who has been there before to help you learn what to look for.

Physical Supports.

These can benefit all sorts of people, including those with traumatic brain injuries, attention disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, and mental health challenges.

• Set a timer to spend a certain amount of time on one thing. For instance, if you are easily distracted, time yourself to spend at least five minutes reading just one profile. This way, you can focus on learning about a person without distractedly clicking to other profiles. If you tend to read, reread, and read yet again, your timer might be better set to keep you reading a new message only twice before deciding how you want to respond. This way, your overthinking is forced to turn into an action.

• Limit your on-screen time to certain predetermined schedules. This can be helpful to limit your blue light exposure, reduce anxiety about your online interactions, or keep you from neglecting your life outside the screen. You can even set alarms on your phone or reminders on your calendar so you know exactly when you want to log in and log off of CatholicMatch.

• Combine your online dating time with another activity, like knitting, listening to music, or even routines like putting on your makeup or unpacking your briefcase. Tying your online dating to mundane activities will help you keep perspective. All social media can feel overwhelming or a bigger deal than it really is. The trick is to use it wisely. Scrolling your messages while your hands are busy will help you keep it in perspective. During my short time online, I would log on to CatholicMatch as an after-work unwind, since my illness required me to rest for at least two hours after getting home.

Obviously this is not an exhaustive list. It should serve merely as a springboard for you to jumpstart your own personal online dating experience!

Explore real-world dating with a disability articles like frequently asked questions, when to tell your date about your disability, or common signs your date might have a disability.