How to Create an Online Profile

You’ve signed up for CatholicMatch, are looking at the blank fields of your profile, and wondering how to proceed.

Or maybe you’ve been on CatholicMatch for a while, but want to improve the results you’re getting. In either case, you’re looking for the best ways to present yourself online. The secular dating site E-Harmony has compared the profile to a trailer for a film—give out enough of a taste to get someone through the door, while still leaving plenty of material for later exploration.

That’s easier said than done and a lot of people are understandably nervous about creating a profile. With that in mind, here a few pointers, based on both research and personal experience.

1. The more you tell the more you sell.

A Madison Avenue copywriting adage applies here. I’m not advocating turning your profile description into a book length novel, but it is important is to use all the available fields.

Try using 2-3 concise paragraphs to describe yourself and at least one complete paragraph to describe the person you’re looking for. In this age of the Internet, I know very few people will read the entire thing—most of us skim when we’re online. But everyone will pick up something different and you want to have different things that can catch someone’s attention.

Think of it like a priest composing his homily. He knows he’s got fifteen minutes to talk (at least we hope it stays to fifteen minutes) and also knows that most people aren’t going to be locked into every single word he says. So he chooses about three pertinent items from the Gospel and other Scripture readings and counts on each person latching onto one of them. So it is with your dating profile.

2. What to tell and how.

Topics like this one often generate varied opinions. While that can be confusing, it also means when you find themes that everyone seems to agree on, it’s important to take heed. And the most common piece of advice offered is this—don’t be negative! This doesn’t mean you can’t have boundaries and dealbreakers. It just means that you express them in a positive way. A big one on CatholicMatch is adherence to the core questions of faith. Let’s consider two different ways of expressing the same dealbreaker…

“If you did not answer yes to all seven of the faith questions, I am not interested.”

“I love my Catholic faith. It’s the most important thing in the world to me and I’m so excited for the chance to share it with someone. I came to CatholicMatch so I could connect with that special person who believes all that the Church teaches.”

Which of the two answers sounds more compelling to you? The boundaries are the same in both cases. But the first one sounds like it came from the keyboard of an angry person, frustrated and upset with the world. It’s not compelling—even to the kind of dating partner this person is trying to attract.

The second one sounds like it comes from someone truly in love with God, the sacraments and the Blessed Mother. It’s compelling to the target audience and manages to stay upbeat to all, while still maintaining boundaries.

Write with an eye toward creating conversation. For example, I like reading. Rather than simply say that, I might write that I’m currently reading about the late 1960s era of American politics. I’ve now also shown a couple more topics that I’m interested in (history and politics) and given the person who might contact me, something to bring up in a message if they’re so inclined.

Most experts strongly recommend a conversational tone. The experts are right. I still recall reading a profile from someone who described herself by quoting a verse from the legendary Pina Colada song. I never met this individual in person (although we had some fun e-mail exchanges) and this was sixteen years ago. And I still remember the profile opening. That tells you it’s a good idea.

3. Pick the right pics.

Most experts recommend 5-7 as the appropriate number of photos, with an emphasis on using them to create diversity in your presentation. For example, while the profile should be a close-up of just you, the rest of the pictures provide an opportunity to show yourself with friends and family and doing things you love.

This also fits in with the suggestion to hand people something to write about, and to communicate something about yourself. For example, I was an active member of CatholicMatch while living in Wisconsin, but I had an interest in relocating to New England. I made that clear in the profile, but my photos also included pictures of me in my Red Sox, Celtics, and Bruins attire.

It was these pictures that caught the attention of a women in Massachusetts, who thought I might be interested in her home area. She read the profile and found that was true. And she had something easy to bring up when she wrote me. Today I live twenty minutes from her and we’re in a happy relationship and moving toward marriage.

4. Your most important audience.

Keep in mind the person whose opinion ultimately matters most. That would be you. You have to like your profile or you won’t feel confident when communicating with someone else. Let the development of the profile strengthen your own sense of self-worth as you list all the interests that make you unique and the great qualities that make you a worthy mate.

At the end of the day, you have to like the person that stands alone with God. That won’t change in a relationship. You might as well start with the profile.