Is It Time To Meet in Person? Here's How To Tell!

So, you’ve met someone online, and you’ve swapped at least one message on CatholicMatch.

This person seems really interesting, and you like what you’re seeing on their profile, or in their messages. You’re dying to learn more and see if there’s a spark between you. But . . . what’s the protocol here? You don’t want to seem pushy or desperate by asking for a date too early. But you don’t want to seem so disinterested that the conversation peters out.

What’s the BEST way to handle this?!

Spoiler alert: that’s the wrong question.

Let’s go over a few things that are NOT needed before going on a date or meeting up for the first time. There is no prerequisite number of messages to share before going on a date. There is no standard number of phone calls or texts to swap. There is no “best” way to suggest meeting up or going on a date. There is no “best” time to suggest it, either!

In fact, there are only two guidelines to keep in mind when taking an online connection into the real world:

1. You’ve established you’re talking to a real person.
2. You’re both interested to meet in real life.

Let’s hit both of these points on their own for a moment, to really explore what they entail.

1. You’ve established you’re talking to a real person.

In today’s world of widespread technology, this is pretty easy to accomplish. Your date should have some information and photos up on their CatholicMatch profile, and you’ve exchanged at least one message.

Often, people will trade phone numbers and do a quick call or video chat before setting up a first date. Another option is to swap a social media handle on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat. This way, you can see if someone’s personal media lines up with what they’ve described themselves as. Still, other people have mutual acquaintances, who can vouch for their existence! Basically, the whole idea of verifying whether someone is real is to give online daters a layer of security.

Having one extra method to know if somebody is real will help keep you safe from potential scammers or catfishers. It doesn’t take long, and it’s certainly not complicated, to verify the existence of the person on the other side of the screen.

2. You’re both interested to meet in real life.

If you’re interested and so is the other person, it’s the only green light you need. It doesn’t matter whether this is on the first message or the thirtieth. You might be seven phone calls in, or you’ve merely checked their Facebook profile. Bottom line is, if one of you has asked to meet up and the other person says yes, go for it!

Meeting in person is the surest way to see what kind of connection you two might have. If you can’t meet in real life, video chat is the next best thing. Remember, too, a first date will not tell you whether or not this person is The One. It should tell you whether you want to go on a second date, and whether you enjoy spending some time in this person’s company. Generally speaking, that’s about all a first date can tell you. So take the pressure off yourself!

The biggest thing to keep in mind is this: online dating exists for the sole purpose of getting offline. The only reason you got online, the whole point of this online dating world, is to create a pathway into the REAL world, for a REAL romance! So don’t get caught up in the little details of how exactly things should work, or what is the “best” way to move forward to a date. Moving forward somehow is success in itself.

So, how do you ask for a real-world meetup?

There’s really no wrong way to suggest it. Just throw an idea or invitation into your message, and be willing to answer a rejection with grace and best wishes for the other person. What goes around comes around, after all! Try some variation of the following:

• “So I’m really not one for messaging. Can we swap numbers or meet up instead?”
• “What do you say we skip the texting step, and just go get coffee together?”
• “How about you tell me more about this __(insert conversation topic)___ in person?”
• “I know this great place to get ice cream, and it’s only fifteen minutes from your city. When are you free for dessert?”
• “Let’s cut to the chase and I’ll take you for a walk through the prettiest park in town.”

And finally, here are a few tips to set up a successful first meeting:

• Meet in a public place and take separate cars if you can. You should also tell a friend where you’ll be, who you’re meeting, and when you expect to be back from your date. This way, your safety bases are all covered and you can enjoy your time together without worrying.
• Plan an easy activity such as getting coffee, going for a walk in the park, etc. You’ll want to have something to do, but leave plenty of room for conversation, too. Be creative with fun date locations in your area!
• Along with a planned location and activity, don’t be afraid to have a backup plan! You really can turn a boring date into a fun one with a little prep work.
• Have a few conversation starters in mind. They can be based on conversations you’re already having online or on the phone, or you can pull ideas from this handy list of ideas on how to break the ice!
• Have an escape plan, if things go awry. There is no rule saying you have to see a date through to the very end, if neither of you is having fun! You can keep it as simple as: “Thank you for meeting up with me! You seem like a really cool person, but I think we can go our separate ways. I wish you all the best!”

Now you're ready!

So, get out there and start meeting people...one of them could end up being your future spouse!