6 Fool-Proof Ways to Start a Great Conversation Online

You log into your CatholicMatch account one morning, and you see a push notification.

You click on it and are delighted to see that you have a mutual like.

Awesome!

Eager to get the conversation started, you quickly begin typing out a message.

But, then you pause.

What are you supposed to say to someone when you're online dating, anyway?

When you find a profile you really like, sending that first message can sometimes seem like a daunting task.

But, when writing that first message, don’t feel too much pressure to get it perfect. Remember that the person on the other side of the screen is a human being, just like you, and probably wants to have a genuine conversation. 

But, how do you start one?

It might be easier than you think!

Be casual, curious, and polite… and most of all, just be yourself!

Example:

Hey Maria! Think quick… would you rather attend a music festival or go to a wine tasting?

You want your opening message to be simple, clever, and open-ended. Leave room for the other party to contribute something meaningful about themself to the conversation. You can also personalize the questions you ask based on any information you see in the other person’s profile.

When crafting that first message, engage with something you find interesting about the other person’s profile.

When we interview couples who have successfully met their spouse on CatholicMatch, one thing that consistently stands out is how the couples describe their first impressions of each other through text messaging. One of the most common themes we hear from couples is that they liked it when opening messages were simple and personalized.  

Example:

Hey Alice, how’s it going? I saw on your profile that you enjoy hiking. I love hiking, too! I take my dog, Spike, to the park every weekend for a 3-mile hike. What other kinds of outdoor activities do you like to do?

Try to keep messages shorter rather than longer.

It is important to show the other person that you have taken a personal interest in their profile. People want to know that you liked their profile because you see them as a human being and a potential partner, and not just because they have nice photos. 

It is also important to keep your opening messages concise. Opening a message to a block of text can be intimidating, especially if it is coming from someone you don’t know yet.  

Example: 

Hey Sarah, what’s up? I see we’re both into horror flicks. What’s your favorite movie of all time?

Also, ladies, feel free to send the first message.

Another thing to keep in mind when online dating is that anybody can make the first move. That’s right, ladies, this includes you!

Even if you are a traditional Catholic woman, you should feel free to send the first message if you find a profile that you like. It is important to remember that if we want men to pursue us, we must give them signs and hints that we are interested in them! And, a super-easy way to do that is by sending them a simple message.

Example:

Hi Paul. I see that you’re a fan of Yellowstone. Me too! No spoilers—what did you think of the most recent season?

Keep it lighthearted and casual.

One thing you definitely don’t want to do when sending your first message is to get too personal, too quickly. Avoid asking super personal questions about a person’s past dating or sexual experiences. You also want to avoid bringing up serious topics, like marriage or children, right away.

Remember that this is the very first conversation you are having! A good rule of thumb is if you wouldn't say it in person when meeting someone for the first time...then don't say it in your first message to someone either! Remember, all of those other things will come in due time. Enjoy the moment and keep it casual.

You also want to make sure to stay positive. If you are making negative comments about yourself or others, especially in your opening messages, that could be a potential turn-off to others. 

The best way to attract a long-term partner through online dating is to be true to yourself. Don’t try to be somebody else when you are messaging online. Use common language and vocabulary that you would normally use in a face-to-face conversation, and don’t misrepresent yourself. You’ll find that in doing that, you will quickly run out of things to say, and may even lead somebody on accidentally.

Connect over your faith.

If nothing else brings your profiles together, there is always the fact that you share similar faith and values. You are both on CatholicMatch, after all!

People love to talk about the things they are passionate about, so bringing up faith may be a great way to foster a connection between you and your new match.

Example:

Hello Gina! I see you like to attend The Latin Mass. I’ve recently started attending it my local parish, and I have to say I love it! How did you get into the traditional mass?

Do not give up.

Though your messages are great, you may become discouraged if you don’t get responses right away. However, don’t take it personally if somebody does not respond to your messages. They may be busy, or may not have seen your message yet. Who knows? Perhaps they are also nervous about how they should respond.

As you go ahead in your dating journey, here is a short prayer to say to keep hopeful and strong.

Dear God, thank you for all of the blessings you have brought to me in my single life and how you have prepared me for what the future may bring. Thank you for deepening the desire in my heart to find a loving partner who loves God first. Lord, I pray that I will not be impatient in my waiting for the right person to come along, but rather that You would teach me to be patient and make me emotionally ready for the person that You would choose for me.

Amen.