What Should I Say in a First Message?

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When you contact another member, be as personal as possible.

Some people receive a lot of messages every day, so it's important to make sure that yours stands out.

1. Start with something from their profile. 

If you don't know what to say, start by mentioning what you saw in their profile that made you want to contact them. Maybe it was something you have in common, an interesting hobby that you want to learn more about, or something you saw in one of their photos—whatever that was, mention it!

This lets them know that you took the time to read over their profile and that you're genuinely interested in them (as opposed to being interested in anyone/everyone who happens to respond).

2. Next, ask a couple of meaningful questions.

Don't jump straight to an invitation to meet in person or communication offsite in your first message, as this can be overwhelming and alarming so soon in the conversation. Instead, pick out something from their profile that you'd like to learn more about, like a hobby, a past experience, or a family pet. When you do this, you're giving them an easy place to begin writing a response and helping the conversation to flow easier in the beginning.

Your first message should not be a huge paragraph with your life story.

People get overwhelmed at seeing a block of text, or when they feel that they know too much about your life right off the bat. A few sentences should suffice to mention something from their profile and to ask a question or two.

Who should send the first message?

Remember, a message is simply striking up a conversation with someone. It is not a marriage proposal nor is it even a request for a first date. Because of that, it shouldn't matter who sends the first message. If you would strike up a conversation with someone after Mass or while you're in line for the grocery store, you should not shy away from sending a message to someone who interests you online.

Note: If you are a woman, and don't think you should send a first message because you want a man to lead in the relationship, consider this. A man can't lead in a relationship if he doesn't know a woman exists. Or he may know a woman exists, but may assume she is out of his league or that she is not interested in him. Just send him a message. Saying hi is not leading or pursuing. It's expressing interest.

Have more questions about online dating? Visit our FAQ center or shoot an email over to support@catholicmatch.com

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