How to Handle Dating Anxiety with Faith
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Why does Jesus so often say, "Do not be afraid"?
One of Jesus’ oft-repeated words were, “Fear not,” or, “Do not be afraid.” It is said that the phrase, “Fear not,” or variations of it are mentioned about 103 times in the Bible.
Fear is paralyzing. We feel anxious, and start to panic. We stop thinking rationally. Our minds run wild and imagine the worst possible scenarios. If left unchecked, irrational fear can and does destroy our faith in God. It affects us emotionally, spiritually and eventually takes a toll on our health.
Fear magnifies the “storm” we are facing and reduces (in our eyes) God’s omnipotence.
Over the years, there have been occasions when I have lacked faith and let anxiety rule me and steal my joy.
After my marriage annulment, when I started dating, I was very anxious and compensated by trying too hard. Every message that I sent out that went unanswered was a blow to my ego and made me despair about finding a soul-mate. When I did go out on a date, it was awkward and strained because I was trying too hard to impress instead of relaxing and being myself.
In hindsight, it’s hard to be yourself when you don’t like yourself very much. It took time to heal from the wounds inflicted by words that broke my spirit. I feared being rejected. I feared that I would be alone. These fears drove how I interacted with dates.
In time, I learned to accept myself and to view myself the way God views me. He loves me with all my imperfections and when He brings someone into my life, she will love me for who I am, warts and all.
The only thing that helped to quiet my fears and insecurity was trust in God's faithfulness.
Matthew 6:30 – 34 and Isaiah 41:10 helped stabilize me on days when I felt down. I began to pray the rosary daily and some of the reflections and prayers before each decade of the rosary helped take my focus off what I wanted for my life.
Instead of being consumed with my fears and desires, as I began to petition God for the virtue of resignation to His will. As I also prayed for the virtue of patience in adversity and for the virtue of hope, I found my attitude toward the situation changing. I began to have the assurance that whatever happened, God would always be by my side. That was a monumental shift for me.
I’m sure that you, dear reader, have experienced situations in your life that have caused you fear and anxiety.
It’s part of our fallen human condition. That said, we still have to consciously guard our hearts. It’s quite easy to fall into the trap of believing the lie that God does not love us or care about our wellbeing or the wellbeing of our loved ones.
My friends had to remind me when I was depressed that I had bought into the lie that God did not care about my situation because I did not see an immediate answer to my prayers. When I did not get responses to my messages on CatholicMatch or the girl I liked did not return my phone calls, I learned to say, “My peace and joy comes from Jesus. He knows what is best for me. Jesus, I trust you.”
Perhaps you are anxious about one of your children who has gone astray. Or maybe you fear being alone for the rest of your life. For some of us, any little change in our daily routine makes us anxious.
Here are some suggestions to help you cope and get to a place where you can deal with your fears in a rational and healthy manner.
1. Name your fear and surrender it to God.
I’ve found that writing down how I feel about a situation is very helpful. Offer it to God and lay it at the foot of the cross. Once you offer it to Him, it belongs to Him.
2. Take care of your physical health.
If you find that your anxiety is affecting your mental or physical health, seek medical attention. Severe depression warrants a visit to a mental health professional. There is no shame in that.
Take good physical care of yourself. Have your blood pressure checked and get your doctor to prescribe any medication you might need to get that sorted out. People who are anxious often skip meals or lose their appetite for food. Conversely, to mask the pain, some will overindulge in food. Avoid extremes and do your best to get on a healthy diet. Seek out a friend to whom you can be accountable.
3. Do not isolate yourself.
It’s very tempting to nurse your anxieties in private. Be transparent about your feelings with trusted friends. Force yourself to go out and live as normal a life as you can. I made it a point to leave the house and visit friends and go to the movies and to the gym.
4. Consider praying one of these Scripture passages.
- Philippians 4:6-7 hangs on my refrigerator door to remind me every day to offer up my concerns to God, who will in turn, guard my heart and mind with His peace.
- Pray Psalm 23. It speaks of God, our good Shepherd who cares for and comforts his people.
- When we worry about what the future holds, remember what God says to us in Matthew 6:34.
- 1 Peter 5:7 encourages us: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
Debilitating fear is not of the Lord but from the evil one.
1 John 4:18 tells us that perfect love casts out fear. When we fully grasp how deep and wide and unconditional is God’s love for us, we will no longer fear the ghosts of the past, our present troubles or what the future holds for us.
Please join me in praying for us all.
“Heavenly Father, our Good shepherd, you care for us more than we will ever know. You know our every thought, even before we speak it. We ask you to release us from our fears and fill us with your peace. Amen.”
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