Do I Need a Break From Online Dating?

Online dating fatigue—it happens to the best of us.

But there’s a difference between just feeling a little tired of the process, and actually needing to take a break. How can you tell the difference? 

Let’s discuss some reasons why you might want to take a temporary break from online dating. Even better, let’s also talk about how and when you might want to rejoin!

Essentially, there are definitely good reasons to take a break from online dating, just as there are really good reasons to join it in the first place. You joined to meet people, focus on faith-centered dating, and pursue some romance that could, eventually, lead to the marriage God has planned for you.

Awesome! I’ll be the first to say my online experience was great. But not everyone shuts down their profile because they’re in a relationship. And that’s normal.

What are other reasons to leave? They center in two areas: people take a break because of outside influences, or intrinsic factors like emotions and gut feelings. The first is clearer and easier to understand, but no less difficult.

Outside factors for taking a dating break: 

Perhaps you need to work through a crisis in your normal life, such as a health or career problem, without distractions. Maybe a past trauma, mental or emotional wounds, need to be addressed through a counseling program before you date. (People often discover their need for this after they’ve been dating a while, so don’t judge yourself or others here!)

Obviously, some people are seriously discerning other vocations in a formal way, such as seminary, postulancy, or spending an extended time in a religious community. Another reason is if you are raising little kids who would be harmed by the introduction of “maybe parents” into their lives. Perhaps you need to go through the annulment process after your divorce in order to be free to marry within the church.

All of these things and many more fall into the outside factors category. They’re usually pretty clear cut, and often involve a situation you can point to and say, “this needs to get taken care of first.” Despite the frustration of such roadblocks, there is a perk, too: because your roadblock is clear-cut, it’s easy to know when you’re ready to rejoin online dating again!

Once your annulment has been approved, or you’ve discerned out of seminary, or your kids are at an age of reason, it’s like a green light. There’s your pretty direct sign to jump into the online world once more.

That’s not the case for the intrinsic category.

Intrinsic factors for taking a dating break: 

Let’s be honest, this category is a lot trickier! Most veteran daters have at least one go-round in this category, if not more. Perhaps you’re feeling overwhelmed by the normal life stressors, and something simply has to give. Maybe online dating has become a drudgerous chore, devoid of the normal charm and fun.

Maybe you feel the vague need to pray about embracing singleness (without joining a seminary or something.) Maybe you feel like your dating patterns are keeping you from romantic connection, and you need a reset. Maybe something just feels off, and you can’t put your finger on it. 

The hard part is trying to discern whether you’ve got a good reason to take a break, or if you’re plain old discouraged. These second-guessing feelings can crop up out of the blue no matter where you are, so how do you know when they’re serious?

My advice here is to look at the time and frequency of your online dating. For instance, let’s say you haven’t met someone who’s a good match—but you’ve only been online for a couple of months. That’s discouragement, and possibly excessively high expectations for what online dating can do for you.

However, if you’ve been online for a couple of years and been out on a dozen first dates, taking a break might help you refresh and reset. If you’ve been online on and off for years, perhaps your spotty presence simply has prevented you from meeting some of the right people. 

See what I mean? These vague feelings can be tricky! If you’re dealing with this, take a good look at the rest of your situation. Couple that with your feelings to make a good decision about whether or not you truly do want to take a break from online dating.

The same applies for rejoining!

Look at how long you’ve been offline and whether or not your feelings and prayers have changed. Maybe you’re excited and get butterflies again when you think about jumping back into the game—that’s a good sign! Maybe you’ve identified that you’d been boxing yourself into a personality type, and that’s been limiting your matches.

Or perhaps you just needed to take a few months to relax and focus on yourself. Great! When your feelings change and you think you’ve had a reasonable break, you’re all set to start anew. 

When in doubt about any of this stuff, remember: online dating should be an enjoyable process centered in prayer. God will direct you! When you question yourself, go straight to prayer, and also to wise counsel from people you trust. (They’re always helpful!) Then, at some point, just decide, act, and trust that God will lead you in the right dating direction.