Looking For the One? Consider This Personality Type

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What is the ideal temperament for your perfect match? 

If you’ve dated around or simply just looked around, you’ve probably come across a slew of different personalities and temperaments in potential partners. And most people have a certain personality “type” they are drawn towards. Funny and outgoing, strong and silent, life of the party, or deep-soul lover.  

There’s the axiom that “opposites attract,” and yet another thought that “birds of a feather flock together.” Some people find life-long happiness with a spouse who is different in personality, while others marry a carbon-copy of themselves

Many articles found here on the CatholicMatch Institute encourage the deeper learning of your own temperament and personality in order to make you a better, wiser dater. Through this self-learning, you often discover what types of temperaments and personalities you are best suited with. 

These are all certainly effective ways to help you find that one lifelong match. 

But let’s consider a different type of approach in searching for that spouse. 

Who is your best friend, and what is their personality like? 

Let me tell you about my best friend. We met our sophomore year of college at a church retreat. Our bunks were right next to each other. We bonded over being from the same hometown and having the same first name. From the moment I met her, I liked her. 

She was a finance major and collegiate athlete with a laid-back, melancholic personality. I was a family studies major and ballet dancer with a sanguine personality. On paper our interests, personalities, and temperaments are quite different. But our love for Jesus grew alongside our friendship, and we’ve been blessed with over a decade of sharing life together.

We challenge each other in ways of holiness and virtue, while broadening one another's perspectives. I’ve cheered her on from the stands in her athletic endeavors, and she’s been an admirer in my passion for dancing. She helps me see the deeper side of things through her melancholy, while I remind her often to keep a fun optimism to life.  

Now, let me tell you about my husband. 

We met the year after college while doing missionary work. He’s a deep-thinking melancholic and former collegiate athlete with an engineering degree. His love for Jesus and serving the Church inspires me daily, and from the moment I met him, I liked him (like, really liked him). 

He's a planner and an internalizer, while I enjoy spontaneity and external processing. Our different temperaments and personalities both complement and challenge our relationship. We call each other to higher standards, work as a team in almost everything, and push one another out of our comfort zones.

I've charmed him into enjoying the arts, and he's inspired me to follow the world of sports. We’ve grown to appreciate the unique passions of the other. Our different temperaments balance us out, especially in raising our family.

The point here isn't that he's my opposite, but that he's similar to my best friend.

The uncanny similarities between my best friend and my husband soon struck me one of the first times we all hung out together. I remember thinking to myself, “wow, I’ve found an incredible, handsome, male version of my best friend….sweet!” 

And not to say that they are exactly the same in everything (obviously men and women are intrinsically different), there’s something to the fact that their brains are very similarly wired. Knowing how well my best friend and I get along gave me a deeper sense of peace in choosing to marry my husband. If that type of personality is a good fit for a friendship, then a similar personality type in the opposite sex might just be a great fit for a marriage.

And here's the best benefit of it all.

Because my husband and I operate from different mindsets at times, whose brain do I pick when I need help seeing things from his perspective? My best friend's.

I often call her up for help when my husband and I struggle seeing eye to eye. Because of their shared melancholy, she often understands the process he's going through in a disagreement. She puts words to his internalization and relates her own thought processes from similar situations. It's almost like getting an inside look into my husband's brain.

So, in considering your "type," think about the personality of your best friend.

Maybe you and your bestie are similar in your temperaments, and that's why you get along so well. If that's the case, then look for a match who's similar to yourself, too. You might be better suited with people who are more like you, whether in friendship or in romance.

Or, maybe like me, you and your best friend are opposites. Why not set your sights on a match whose personality balances and compliments your own? Either way, a good place to start is by determining the type of temperament you're looking for, and either narrowing that down in your online dating search or your in-person dating pool.

But as always, this is not a fool-proof method to finding love. We must always make room for God's surprises in life, too!

And once you think you've found "the one," make sure to get the nod of approval from your bestie.

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