Are you avoiding online dating right now? While it’s becoming more and more common, if you’re one of those people who feel an internal pause or slight discomfort when you think of trying it out, you’re not alone.
I know there is a litany of excuses when it comes to avoiding online dating. You may think it’s awkward, it's an unromantic way to meet others, people online just serial date, it’s hard to move from the virtual world into the real one, and finally, I HAVE tried it and it didn’t work. Whew. That’s a lot. Let’s unpack a few.
"It's Awkward..."
First off, as someone who met her now husband of 4 years online, I can say that, yes, it was a bit awkward; from the initial message to the first phone call, to the actual in-person meet up… But my challenge to you is this: isn’t the whole beginning chapter of dating someone just plain nerve-racking and awkward? It’s a small hurdle to jump (and an unconvincing excuse) for something that has the potential to be incredibly rewarding.
"It's Unromantic!"
Meeting someone online may be the launch point for your relationship, but it’s not the foundation. How you met is simply a question you’ll answer 15 years down the road when your kids ask. What happens after you meet? That’s the space that is ripe for romance and can be the bulk of your story, whether you met online or took a graceful fall on the city sidewalk only to be helped up by the man of your dreams (that’s how it’s done in the movies, right?).
"It's Just for Serial Daters."
Online dating has a reputation for being a place for serial daters, aka people who message a seemingly infinite number of people and play the field online. Who wants to start falling for someone only to realize they’re sending similar messages to about 10 other people?
Another common complaint is that people are slow and perhaps unwilling to transition from the virtual world to the real one. This is understandably frustrating. Who wants to live in a never-changing online relationship?
Just remember, as in other areas in life, there are people who make things less enjoyable (think of the drunk guy sitting behind you at a sporting event or concert), but there truly are good people out there with genuine intentions, as well.
So, how to find those people?
This is where you have agency and influence. Simply creating an online profile, while a big step, isn’t enough. Be intentional. Decide what days/times you will commit to your profile. If it becomes clear that someone you’re messaging is only partially interested, cut off that chat and move along. Be open to someone you might want to initially write off. Challenge yourself not to serial date and scroll endlessly over profiles. Decide what you want out of your online dating experience and make it evident on your profile.
Reflecting on my own online profile (the one where I met my husband), I remember that I was frustrated by exactly some of the above concerns. After some thought, I edited my profile and specifically wrote that the best way to get to know me was to ask me out in person, that I was there to meet one person (not 5), and I wanted a serious relationship. It was amazing once I made that tweak in my profile, the men that fell off and the others that stepped up and did just what I wanted: asked to meet in person. One of them (the cutest in my opinion) is the man I’m married to today.
Try, Try Again!
Finally, what about those of you who have tried online dating, had some bad experiences, and now feel jaded by the whole process? I want to validate how hard it is to have a negative experience and then willingly put yourself back into that same vulnerable position where you got hurt (or just plain fed up and frustrated). While that pain and frustration may be there, don’t let it become an overwhelming obstacle to moving forward. Give yourself the opportunity and chance to experience something really good. I truly believe that God knows who the specific person is He has in mind for you, and that online dating is simply a tool to help you meet him or her.
Shed the old experience, start anew, and try to assume a posture of receptivity, and refer to online dating for what it is: a venue to meet someone. A glamorous and romantic venue? Perhaps not, but trust me, when you’re married and knee deep in children, the venue in which you met truly won’t matter.
Don’t allow any negative stigmas, past experiences, feelings of embarrassment in what others might think, etc., hold you back from trying something that might just work. Give online dating a try (perhaps again), and see what happens. You may be, just like I was, happily surprised.
