I Received My Annulment Decision

As we exited church after Mass, I ran into the deacon who was guiding me through my annulment process. We shook hands and smiled. “Keep your patience, brother,” he said.

It had been about six months since we submitted all the material (questionnaire, forms, witnesses, etc.) to the local Tribunal, and now we were just waiting on a decision. I would’ve loved to know what was going on behind the scenes, to get a decision right away. But, at that point, all I could do was “keep my patience.”

As James 1:4 says: “Let endurance have its perfect result that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” Easier said than done, of course. But I felt like God had been showing me through the whole process that all I’m called to do is be faithful, take the necessary steps to apply for the annulment, and then…just be patient. Honestly, what else could I do?

I opened my inbox.

Yesterday, I opened my inbox to find an email from my deacon. Almost a year after submitting my petition, my annulment had been granted. The grounds? “Lack of due discretion on the part of the petitioner and the respondent.” That is to say, we were young and unwise and had little idea what we were getting into.

I thought I might feel a little sadness, and I did. But it wasn’t the white-hot misery of the early days of my divorce. It was a soft gray, an overcast sky, a cool October storm. And like a storm, the feeling rolled in, then quickly dissipated. That’s because in the years leading up to the annulment decision, I had done a lot of inner work to find healing and let go. That was a good way to spend the waiting period.

During that time, I had a lot of questions. Would the Tribunal grant my petition for nullity? Would they determine that my marriage was sacramental after all? If so, how would I accept the decision? And honestly, I sometimes questioned why I was trusting this seismic decision at all to a small group of people I’d never met.

How to handle the waiting period.

Maybe you’re in that waiting period too. Maybe you have a lot of questions. During the waiting season, I found that the best way to deal with all these questions and emotions was to try to simply leave them in God’s hands. After all, what good does it do to constantly think about and obsess over the eventual result? As Jesus said, "Which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life's span?” (Luke 12:25)

Though I’m sad that my marriage didn’t work out, I’m grateful it was annulled. And I’m glad I went through the process. Of course, it could have gone the other way. Would I have had the strength to accept a decision I didn’t want? I don’t know. You may be in that place too, and I sincerely pray for you.

All I do know is that, to others waiting on a decision, I recommend what my deacon told me. Keep the patience. Trust that God is at work, even when you can’t see it or feel it. And trust that the God who is at work behind the scenes is a God who loves you and wants the best for you.