Tips for Finding Love Later in Life

If you haven't dated in a long time, starting over can be daunting.

Entering the world of dating after a failed marriage or after losing a spouse can be a daunting task even for the more stalwart among us.

The pain of separation caused by death and divorce can take a long time to heal. And yet, here we are because we want to experience the love of a spouse again. With the encouragement of friends and family, we say okay, maybe I’ll find someone to love again. It’s a big step to take. Some of us gingerly dip our feet in the waters, while others wade into the pool of suitors with gusto.

Seriously, the last time I dated was in the early 80’s.

There were no dating sites, mobile phones hadn’t yet been invented. When we swiped left or right, it was to ward off mosquitoes. Mail was something delivered by the postman and messages were written on little pieces of paper and secretly exchanged after school or at Mass.

As you can imagine, getting back into dating in a world where so much has changed, is not for the faint of heart.

Take courage in knowing that some things haven't changed.

Each and every one of us is looking to love and be loved. No exceptions! Yes, we’re a little out of practice. Some of us more than others. But they say, it’s like riding a bicycle. You learn to woo someone again. You remember what it was to engage in a little flirting with someone you like. You start to get comfortable going out on a date and being vulnerable again. It’s all good.

For some of us who have been wounded badly, it takes time to let down our defenses and trust again. In time, God will heal us—perhaps that healing will come through another’s love for us. We learn to push past the fear of rejection or betrayal. With enough practice, we gain back our confidence with the opposite sex. And it’s all worthwhile when we meet someone who puts back together that which we might have lost when our hearts were broken.

Here are some ideas to help you "get back in the game."

Wait—wrong choice of words, but you know what I mean :)

1. Remember what makes you happy.

Think back to the time when you were single and did what made you happy. Find that happy place and start doing the things you enjoy again. A happy person is an attractive person.

2. Start small.

It takes time to build trust in a relationship, especially after you have been let down big-time. Start small. Open your heart to trust someone in small things. Eventually you will find that there are good men and women out there who are worthy of your complete trust.

3. Be yourself.

You want your future spouse to fall in love with the ‘real you’, not the mask you are wearing. God made us all attractive to someone. Cultivate patience and trust Him.

4. Branch out.

CatholicMatch is a great place to meet like-minded people. But, so is your parish, the soup kitchen, the library, the supermarket. Greet people at church. Challenge yourself to smile and talk to people you meet wherever you may go. That nice grandma you meet at the nursing home just might introduce you to her wonderful son or daughter.

5. Be on the lookout for new opportunities.

Where can you meet hundreds of Catholic singles in one place? Oh wait, I know—the Catholic Singles conference in October. When opportunities come your way, grab them with both hands. Wonderful friendships are built at these conferences and some even result in marriage.

Remember: our God is the God of second chances.

I hope that each and every one of you finds your love, whether it’s for the first time or the second or even the third. Pray that God would give you the courage to be bold and that He would open your eyes to the opportunities around you to love people. And if you come to the Singles Conference in October, be sure to say hello to me.