Your Guide to Staying Hopeful During Your Single Years

There are many hardships associated with prolonged singleness.

Being single year after year can wear on a person spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. However, one of the more difficult struggles single people deal with is the ability to remain hopeful that they will indeed find a suitable spouse and marry.

I met and married my husband at the age of 42. I remember what it was like to feel as though God completely forgot about me and was going to leave me alone for the rest of my life. I also know what it was like to fight the good fight of faith and look for little breadcrumbs of hope that God heard my prayers and would still work a miracle on my behalf.

This fight is not easy, and it is fueled by hope.

Replenishing hope as an older single confounded by the desert paths of prolonged singleness can be a daunting task. But it is not impossible. Below are some practical tips that I employed myself when I was in the “singleness trenches.” Perhaps one or two of them will prove helpful to you as you seek to refill your spiritual provisions.

1. Find Success Stories

When I was single and trying to figure out if marriage was even God’s will for people—let alone me—I scoured the internet searching for testimonials of people who married later in life. The purpose of this was two-fold: first, to gather evidence that it was possible to marry later in life. Second, to glean some truth of what the person’s story bared witness to, i.e., what helped them find a spouse, how did they maintain hope and survive prolonged singleness, and/or would God help me as well.

These unsung faith heroes who overcame doubt and trying circumstances may be in and around your community as well. When I was in my mid-thirties, the resources for singles on the web were not as vast as they are today. As such, I had to be creative in how I found support. 

I remember there was a woman at work who married in her early forties. I struck up a conversation with her on the topic and asked how she met her husband, managed singleness, etc. In addition, I looked for other opportunities to speak with people who had married later, thus successfully overcoming prolonged singleness. All these encounters served to bolster my faith and hope that I, too, would someday marry. 

The witness of other people’s faith will encourage and inspire you that marriage is indeed possible; God did it for them and He can make it happen for you as well. “For nothing will be impossible for God.” (Luke 1:37)

2. Turn to Scripture

As I came to believe that it was God’s will for me to marry based on the scriptures and Church writings, my feelings did not always follow. Maintaining hope that I would marry was an unrelenting battle for me during my prolonged singleness. One technique I employed was to make flashcards with scriptures about hope. Sometimes I customized the scriptures into prayers by inserting myself and marriage in the verses to personalize them.

An example of this is a flashcard I made utilizing Genesis 2:18: “Lord, you have said that is not good for man to be alone. I am alone. You knew that this would not be beneficial and can be remedied with a spouse uniquely suited for me. Please help my situation change to one that is good.” 

On other flashcards, I just wrote the scripture verse. Examples of verses that really spoke to me were Sirach 2:6-10 and Lamentations 3:25-26.

"Trust in God, and he will help you; make your ways straight and hope in him. You that fear the Lord, wait for his mercy, do not stray lest you fall. You that fear the Lord, trust in him, and your reward will not be lost. You that fear the Lord, hope for good things, for lasting joy and mercy. Consider the generations long past and see: has anyone trusted in the Lord and been disappointed? Has anyone persevered in his fear and been forsaken? Has anyone called upon him and been ignored? (Sirach 2:6-10)

"The LORD is good to those who trust in him, to the one that seeks him; It is good to hope in silence for the LORD’s deliverance." (Lamentations 3:25-26)

I encourage you to find scriptures that speak hope to your heart and mind. Sayings or adages can be utilized as well. The goal is to weather the emotional storms that naturally come as part of prolonged singleness. These flashcards help remind us of God’s truths, of the help and hope that is available to us in Him. 

3. Prayer Partner

In the midst of prolonged singleness, asking a trusted friend who believes in your married future to be a prayer partner can be a lifeline. This person could not only pray for your future spouse, but also pray for you to maintain hope and for your heart in times of despair.

I did this when I was single. I asked a woman from a church group I was in if we could talk, and we met at a local coffee shop. I explained that I was struggling with hopelessness about getting married and that I really did believe it was God’s will for me to marry. I asked if she could pray for me to find a husband and to have hope. She agreed. 

I encourage you to reach out to someone you know, someone you may not know that well, or someone online. There are also monasteries and convents that you can contact, sending in prayer requests via their webpage. I encourage you to send our religious brothers and sisters your prayers, as we all can never have enough people praying for us!

4. Other Catholic Singles/Friends

Maintaining friendships and a social life is vital when you are single, especially as you grow older. 

The life of a single who desires marriage really has two pieces or tracks to it. On one hand, you are doing everything you can to put yourself out there and find a suitable spouse. On the other hand, you still are living your life, meeting your needs, and filling your soul. Having friends and connecting with other Catholics is part of this. 

These acquaintances and friendships can prove to be quite valuable. They provide camaraderie, socializing, opportunities for activities and networking, and help one deal with the loneliness of a single life. 

I, too, participated in groups during my single years. As a single in my mid-to-late thirties, I developed new friendships as most of my friends from school had married. I still have several friendships from this time. Should there be no groups in your area, I recommend looking online for opportunities as well.

5. Develop a Plan

When I was single, it was genuinely a mystery to me why others found relationships and marriage easier than I did. Some folks just did not have to work or struggle to meet a suitable spouse and marry. Do you feel the same way, too? 

But this reality does not mean that marriage cannot happen or there is no hope. It requires, however, more focus, planning, and effort. 

Developing an action plan allows you to do everything within your power to meet someone, while also trusting God to do His part. Your plan can include opportunities to meet new people, ways of interacting with the opposite sex, prayer for assistance and guidance, and genuine reflection on any obstacles that may be contributing to your prolonged singleness. 

As you know, prolonged singleness is hard.

There will be tough days. However, this does not mean there is no hope. By employing one or more of the above tips, you will have help to buoy the rough waters that will and do come. And then you can continue along with your hopeful journey to finding a suitable spouse.