I Don't Know How to Date

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A few weeks ago, I sat across the table from a very handsome, articulate, and single 27-year-old man who has a long history of wining and dining women. His reputation as a lady's man preceded him. Yet, he contacted our Office for Marriage, requesting a meeting to talk.

He took a sip of his coffee and said, "I hope that you can help me. I really don't know how to date."  I'm sure he didn't miss the look of shock on my face because I certainly didn't expect this request. Was this the reason for our meeting?  He had to be kidding, right?

He revealed this truth: Hooking up is easy, but dating can be hard.

No. He was not kidding. He admitted that he knew how to hook-up: how to live shallow self pleasure; how to brag about his conquests; and how to move on. What he didn't know was how to cultivate a friendship that progressed into an exclusive relationship that ended in a lasting and beautiful marriage.

The more he talked, the more I realized that this young adult lacked the skills to find and live the true love that he saw in his parent's marriage. He said that his parents taught him that true love is more than a body using another body. They showed him that lasting love is worthy and noble. Their witness created a desire in his heart to find one woman, be with her for the rest of his life, take care of her and raise a household of crazy energetic kids.

Despite their example, he truly didn't know what to do (and more importantly what NOT to do) when he is with a woman who makes his head turn. And that is why he called. He had wised up to the fact that casual sexual encounters decreased his chance to get married. He was ready to condemn prevalent cultural messages to manipulate for one's benefit. He wanted to do it right going forward.

How do we teach people to truly date? What practical advice can we offer them?

Let me ask you something... if this man called you, what would you do? Would you know how to accompany him? Are you equipped to reach out and teach him how to joyfully and chastely love another? Could you help him pursue a godly union with practical methods and ongoing support?

If your answer is I don't have a clue, then I would like to offer a few awesome resources.

The first is to Google Kerry Cronin, a philosophy and theology professor at Boston College. The second is to spend time investigating the Culture Project. And the third is to stroll through CatholicMatch's information.

1. Help them find a good "dating coach."

Dr. Cronin is known as the "dating doctor" at Boston College. Her full-throated recommendation to replace the hook up culture with old-fashioned dating is very compelling. One need only watch a couple of her YouTube videos to understand why she is getting through to young adults. She is clear, funny and gentle in sharing the truth about God's plan. Most importantly, she offers specific, measurable steps that can be followed by nearly anyone.

2. Point them toward a community of like-minded people.

The Culture Project offers a fresh approach to young adults who want to know how find authentic love through intentional dating. The Project places the dignity of the human person at the forefront of every relationship.

It accomplishes this with attractive videos, pointed blogs and a troupe of vibrant individuals who radiate God's charity and joy. This project offers practical insight on how to replace selfishness with selfless concern.

3. Offer practical material and courses on dating.

CatholicMatch offers a the variety of practical resources that can round out your preparation to help young adults lean into God's exceptional plan for love. Purchase or download the basic booklets and watch the robust video courses that reshape one's outlook on dating, love and marriage.

I was thankful that the aforementioned resources had crossed my desk and that I had actually taken the time to review them. They prepared me to meet this man and respond effectively.  They allowed me to pair the truth about marriage in God's plan with hands on examples on living it in today's world.

How about you? Are you ready to respond creatively when someone asks you how to date rather than hook up?

Find Your Forever.

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Catholic dating site in the world.

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