Why is it important to stand out from the dating crowd?
We hear the phrases “stand out” and “get noticed” and “be different” a lot in the romantic world. Why is that something single women chase?
Kind of a dumb question, right? Odds are, you are looking to get married. Standing out will up your odds of getting noticed by more men, online and in reality, and you are more likely to meet someone who would make a good spouse. So of course single women want to stand out from the crowd!
The “crowd” is not bad, by the way, just stereotypical. You know, the stereotypical Catholic single who goes to Mass frequently, prays well, wants to get married, and is very nice. But nothing really seems unique about her upon first glance, right? Contrary to appearances, she (like every person) is unique. But maybe she’s just not good at showing it yet. Enter this article!
You likely read the post 5 Ways For Single Men To Stand Out in the (Catholic) Dating World. Now, Let’s talk about five ways for women to (also) stand out in the Catholic dating world!
1. Practice what you value.
This starts with knowing what your values are in the first place! Since you’re here, you clearly value Catholicism to some degree. What goes along with that? For me, in the dating world and to this day, I outlined to myself four principle values I always wanted to keep: faith, family values, respect, and self-discipline.
Having these values named and defined for myself was amazing for my own growth. It also had fantastic effects on my dating life, because I knew I wanted those same things in a significant other, too! What was left for me to tackle was finding practical ways to practice those values in my daily life. Here are some ideas:
- Do the writing exercise I talked about above, and list out a few core values which are really important for both yourself and a potential someone special. If you’re stuck on trying to define things, turn to the cardinal virtues for ideas.
- Educate yourself on your Catholic faith. Studying where our faith comes from, what it means, and researching points of confusion will only benefit our spiritual life. It will also help you in prayer, and point you in the right direction of your vocation.
- Find and do spiritual practices that you love. My personal favorites are the Chaplet Of Divine Mercy, the Rosary, Saint Therese’s Story Of A Soul, and short daily prayers scattered throughout the day. See if you can tie the meaning of your practices to the few core values you particularly prize.
- Center your daily routines on what you value. Daily prayer, daily Mass, cultivating contentment, and working to root out your vices can look different for everyone. The important point is you are working to implement the beliefs you profess, and to make yourself better.
- Brainstorm how you can contribute to your favorite works of mercy. If you have a heart for feeding the hungry, look into volunteering at a food shelf or joining a church meal train. If you are really passionate about protecting the unborn, find ways to support the pro-life missions in your community. (You get the idea.) If nothing else, pick a couple of things to include in petitionary prayer. For instance, I work hard to always pray for the unborn, the sick and suffering, and the poor souls in purgatory.
2. Be an INTERESTING lady.
I think we all know the value of being a lady who has good manners and standards of behavior for herself (and others!) Behaving well and valuing manners is an important part of attracting gentlemen who prize chivalry. Now, to really stand out in a crowd, tack on the “interesting” part! What makes you, you? Make the most of it!
Hobbies, work, education, knowledge, interests, and ministries offer innumerable avenues to make you a more interesting person through what you already love. A good friend of mine recently dove into the world of politics for the first time, researching and listening to speakers who share her values. This made her even more interesting than she already was! Maybe you raise a certain type of animal, or are really into a stamp collection, or have a background in geology.
Whatever you enjoy, make sure to actively pursue it in your life. Then, include it on your online dating profile! Nothing is more attractive and makes you stand out more than passion for your own life interests.
3. Communicate clearly.
Women in particular are notorious for sending mixed signals, and yes, sometimes we don’t even know what we want. But do your best to get over that, and instead communicate clearly with the men pursuing you. As the Bible says, let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no (Matthew 5:37). If someone asks you for a date and you aren’t interested, don’t simply make up an excuse or say your schedule is busy. Instead, be up front and tell him “No thank you, I’m not interested.” If you are interested, say, “I’d love to go!”
And, also, respect yourself enough to ask for clarity if it’s not offered. For instance, if someone asks you to “hang out” and you’re not sure what his intentions are, simply respond to him with a question of your own: “Do you mean a date?” This will offer you an answer, and give him a chance to step up to the plate instead of being vague. Being able to communicate clearly, as well as being brave enough to ask for intentions from the other party, will set you apart from the vague almost-dating culture.
4. Flirt.
Yep, I said it! Let me expound: know how to flirt, and be discerning with whom you are flirting. We talk a lot about intentional dating and pursuing marriage on this site, as we should—and most Catholics I’ve met realize the importance of dating for the purpose of sacramental marriage. But let’s not forget the lighthearted and fun side of romance!
Men love it—and I repeat, LOVE IT—when their significant other flirts with them. Flirting shows you are interested in him, can be playful, and don’t take yourself too seriously. Obviously, you don’t want to flirt with every man who crosses your path or shows up on your message board. But when you really like someone and are both pursuing romance together, flirting is a good thing! It helps you feel out the “spark” with this person to see if you have some chemistry together.
There is nothing wrong with some playful teasing, holding hands, or a cheeky wink. Take your serious dating with a healthy side of lightheartedness, and you will definitely stand out in the crowd.
5. Embrace being female.
Since I’ve talked before about the importance of keeping healthy and fit and the impact of your appearances on your romantic life, I won’t go into details on those here. Instead, let’s talk about embracing your feminine qualities and living them out in your daily life. Traditionally, feminine qualities include things like having creative outlets, a nurturing spirit, a kind attitude, and a caretaking heart.
Classic feminine creative outlets include cooking, sewing, dancing, playing music, and the like. However, don’t discount things like painting, organizing, gardening, writing, and even cleaning!
Creative outlets are really anything you do that takes something and improves it, or turns it into something better. A nurturing spirit requires you to work on the virtues of patience and gentleness—two traits that will exponentially improve a future marriage and motherhood. Working to cultivate a kind and positive attitude will help you with cheerfulness, being charitable to others, and accepting God’s will each day. Again, what could be more Christian than that?
Finally, a caretaking heart is the culmination of all of these things. Women are created for motherhood (spiritual or physical) and that means to have a heart made to take care of others. You can start right now with the people in your life. Naturally, this doesn’t mean being a doormat or everyone else’s workhorse, but it does mean taking our natural self-focus and instead, focusing on the good of others.
Who are you made to be?
If you want to stand out in the dating crowd, everything really comes down to this: becoming a better version of yourself. (Thank you, Matthew Kelly!) When you become more who you are supposed to be, who God is calling you uniquely to be, you will automatically shine brighter to everyone around you. What could be better for your dating life?
