Are You Dating With the Right Purpose in Mind?
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What exactly is it that makes a dating relationship successful?
If you’ve ever asked an older couple about the secret to a long and happy marriage, 9 times out of 10 they’ll say something like “communication is key.”
This advice is so popular because it works. In most facets of human life, learning to communicate is vital to making sure things run smoothly. It makes sure that you are being heard and that you know how to hear other people. Too often, we assume other people have the same thoughts, feelings, and intentions as we do. This can get us in trouble, especially when dating.
Communication is simply being honest with yourself and then being honest with others. When it comes to dating, we need to be honest about our purpose.
Dating with a purpose is inevitable. We all have a purpose for dating, it just might not be a healthy or virtuous one. The question is how to make sure we are dating with the right purpose. Below, I’ve listed ways to date with the right purpose. It’s up to you to be honest with yourself and your motivations for dating, and talk about them with your partner.
Dating for heaven.
This is our ultimate purpose for living. Every person is called to holiness, which means everything we do in this life needs to be done with heaven in mind. Sometimes we forget this universal call applies to our dating relationships, which can be detrimental to our relationship with God and the other person.
Dating for heaven means you have this attitude: No matter what, we will be holy. This attitude will lead to moments of sacrifice, because holiness imitates Christ who sacrificed Himself for us. This might mean you sacrifice your immediate desires, comfort, or even the relationship itself.
A man dating for heaven will sacrifice his immediate sexual desires. A woman dating for heaven will talk about her flaws, even if it’s uncomfortable. A couple dating for heaven will part ways if they discern together God is calling them in another direction.
Even though it includes sacrifice, dating for heaven ends in joy. Christ sacrificed and suffered more than we ever will, but He did it with joy because He knew the Resurrection was coming. Loving sacrifice in a relationship will always end in joy, whether in this life or the next.
Dating for marriage.
Heaven is our ultimate purpose, which should encourage us to date for marriage, because marriage is a foretaste of heaven. It is true, marriage has its share of sacrifice and hardship, but those sacrifices lead to intimacy and joy.
Dating for marriage doesn’t mean discussing it on the first date. It also doesn’t mean only dating when you’re ready for marriage.
It means acknowledging that your relationship isn’t just for you. Marriage is for the good of the spouses, the good of their children, and the good of the community around them. The love you have for each other is an icon of the love of God.
God is Three persons in One, not two. The love between the Father and the Son breathes forth the Holy Spirit. Similarly, your love needs to breathe into others. Both of you need to understand this responsibility and be willing to take it on.
Dating for a person.
Dating for heaven and dating for marriage are on the grander scale. A more tangible, day-to-day purpose is dating for a person. This is where the discernment part of dating comes into play.
You don’t have to discern whether you were made for heaven, because you have a soul. You don’t have to discern whether you were made for marriage, because you have a body. What you do have to discern is whether or not you are called to this specific person.
If you both have the purpose of dating for heaven, there’s just one question left: Will you help get each other there?
This question goes beyond physical attraction and beyond compatibility to get to the real purpose of marriage: being saved by God through your spouse.
This is a hard question to answer without prayer because you can’t see 50 years into the future. What you can see, however, is how much closer or further from heaven you are since you started dating. That helps with discernment, especially if you’re honest with yourself.
The best part about discerning for marriage, though, is that you have a natural discernment buddy. In His infinite wisdom, God doesn’t let us go through this huge life decision alone. This is why communication is key. It makes sure you keep dating for a purpose.
For a more in-depth take on this topic, be sure to check out our online course, The Ultimate Guide to Purposeful Dating!
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