You're Cooler Than You Think!

A conversation I'll never forget...

“Do you ever wonder why the British brought sparrows to America when there were already colorful native songbirds everywhere?”

My new boyfriend was silent for a moment, probably because he hadn’t expected me to answer the phone with this opening line.

“Repeat the question?” he ventured.

I did, watching the red cardinals and brown sparrows flit outside my window. (Thus my thought on how sparrows came to America.)

He answered something like this: “Well, I think it’s because they were settling the new colonies, and in a new world, they like a glimpse of home. Although sparrows are less fun, let’s be real.”

We are now married. Soulmates. Weird soulmates, yes. But we’re so happy being our weird selves!

This type of out-of-left-field conversation isn’t very common in the dating world, which is kind of sad.

Why? There’s an unspoken code of conduct, an expectation of how we should be that holds people back. This image usually revolves around behaving the right way, looking the right way, and saying the right things. There’s nothing wrong with putting your best foot forward, but it still should be your foot. Not a foot that’s tried on a million shoes, analyzing to death and trying to find the perfect Catholic dating shoe to attract the most people.

Where’s the individuality in that?!

So I’m here today to tell you: you’re cooler than you think. While I’m a big proponent of self-improvement, there’s no need to refurbish yourself into a different person than how you’re made. You, as you are, all your quirks and preferences and little eccentricities, make you exactly right for the individual path God created for you.

Why would you force yourself to fit an image you hope will bring you better dating luck? Even if you get more dates, you won’t feel comfortable, no matter who you meet. At some point, you would say to yourself “I just can’t be myself around this person.” You’d be right, because that person would be dating the image you’re trying to be. You want them to date you, not something you’re projecting.

The best way to find a good fit for you . . . is to be YOU!

Your personality, your little quirks, your hobbies, all make you more attractive. It’s simple, really. Doing what you love and enjoying what makes you tick will light up your life. And others, especially potential dates, will notice! 

What might this look like? Lucky for you, I have a whole list of examples. And before you say, “that’s just stuff you made up!” au contraire, young grasshopper. These are all real things I’ve seen in friends, family, and acquaintances.

• A friend was so excited to take his new girlfriend to the shooting range that he set up a two-hour safety training seminar first. The same boyfriend also rented night vision goggles and let all of her little siblings try them out.

• I once spent a good chunk of a car ride learning how to recite Shakespeare with the most accurate dialect still used today. It happens to be a strong Southern accent. I know this because one of the carpool ladies had studied theater, particularly medieval scripts.

• A childhood friend developed a passion for weddings in her teen years. Nowadays, she not only decorates for friends’ weddings, but she also works in a wedding dress shop and creates their displays and booths at shows.

• My husband and I used to watch Bob Ross painting tutorials on dates. We’ve even followed along together because I adore painting and he loves a challenge.

• A good friend just graduated with her herbalism degree, quite an uncommon field these days. Her knowledge of plants, gardening, and natural remedies is impressive, and she lights up when she can use that education to help someone with anything from a dying houseplant to a serious injury.

• One middle aged in-law is an avid stargazer. He attends and hosts “Star-B-Q’s,” travels across the states to see eclipses, and last summer he set up his mini trailer and giant telescope in a friend’s yard so family and friends and little kids could see the stars and the Milky Way. It was like going to a children’s museum! 

• My dad raises Highland cattle, and he loves them so much my mom calls them “The Other Women.” He even carried a calf into my room once when I was sick! 

Are these things unconventional? Yes. Are they endearing? YES!

These unique interests make these people happy, positive, and excited. When someone lives out their passions and shares them with the world, other people notice. It’s infectious and it’s very attractive. Who doesn’t love to spend time around someone who’s passionate and enthusiastic about something?

Be that person. You already are, even if you’re not really showing it yet. Don’t be afraid to embrace the quirks and hobbies and passions that make you, you. Don’t worry about honing your pick up lines, hiding your colorful personality, or dampening your quirks to fit a vague expectation. Really, you are cooler than you think you are! It’s time to start believing that.