Stereotypes About Single Women That We Need to Stop Believing

The dating world can be incredibly difficult to navigate as a single Catholic woman with standards and values. The added pressure from friends and family who keep asking if there’s anyone special for you yet add to this difficulty. The mixed messages and different singles advice do not make it any easier, either.

Sometimes, the life of a single woman can be incredibly stressful and difficult. It is time for both men and women to ditch the stereotypes about single women that can offensive, hurtful, and are simply not true. In some cases, these stereotypes can even hinder a man from pursuing a woman if he has already made assumptions about her.

Here are four common and false stereotypes about single women:

She’s desperate

This one can be especially hurtful because it makes a woman feel like there is nothing she can do to pursue her vocation. Many women fear appearing as desperate, flirty, or husband-hunting when spending time with single men. If a man spends time with a woman knowing she is single and assuming she is desperate for a husband, every little move she makes could be interpreted as over-the-top, flirtatious, or needy.

This can hurt women at their very core because it is natural and good for a woman to want to be desired and loved. If every little step towards her vocation (joining CatholicMatch, going out to meet people, talking with men) is viewed as desperate, then she will be discouraged from ever doing anything to meet someone again. A little flirting here and there is good and an important step in letting a man know you are interested. Being open to the vocation of marriage does not equal desperation. 

She’s just waiting around...

It seems that a lot of people, especially in the Catholic world, view single women as sad, needy, or not fulfilled. Some people might think that if she doesn’t have a husband, then she is just waiting around until she finds someone. This is not true. She could be discerning her vocation, working on certain aspects of her character, or waiting for the right man who meets her standards. This does not mean that she is sad, lonely, and goes home to twelve cats at the end of the day.

Single women are still capable of pursuing careers, having friends, and being fulfilled. Being single is not a full-time job, and she isn’t just sitting at home waiting for her knight in shining armor. 

Her standards are too high

This stereotype often comes from well-meaning friends or family who think some single women turn down men too fast and don’t give them a chance.This may be true in some cases, but, in general, it is incredibly important for a woman to have standards and stick to them.

If she has prayerfully discerned which values are non-negotiable in a man, then let her stick to these standards. Especially in the secular world, men (and women) need to be held to a higher standard and taught the truth about dating, marriage, and chaste love. A lot of the time, it is up to the woman to hold a standard and see if the man she is interested in can meet it.

God will send her someone who will respect what she believes in and not ask her to compromise on foundational values. Hopefully, he will share these values, too. Just because men and women are valuing good morals less and less in the secular world, doesn’t mean people looking for a relationship need to lower their standards. 

A first date is like a marriage proposal!

This stereotype comes from the idea that single women are desperate. In this stereotype, a first date is a huge deal, and, as long as you’re a man, the woman will be expecting a marriage proposal not too far in the future.This is false. Single women still have standards, and it is still up to the man to prove he is deserving of her. This will take more than a few dates.

When a single woman gets engaged soon after she began dating, it is not because she was desperate and demanded he propose soon. It is because she was able to do the spiritual and interior work that a lot of people do during the relationship itself, and she was ready and prepared to begin her vocation when the right man came along. 

Finally, just remember that singlehood does not equal sadness. Not every woman who is single is looking for a man. Sometimes she is still discerning her vocation or working on other things first. If she is looking to date, don’t embarrass her or shame her for flirting or going out of her way to meet people.

These stereotypes can be harmful, and it is important to remember that the dating world is already hard enough, and it is up to us to not make it more difficult by making assumptions about single women.