Warning! Don't Date Someone Like This. Just Pray (Hard) for Them

I met an...interesting person the other day.

My husband and I were sitting in a crowded airport food court eating a quick sandwich before boarding our flight to Louisiana. Very few seats were vacant and it was obvious that people were searching for a place to sit.

Most individuals seeking a chair were very mannered. They would ask, "Is someone sitting here?" or "Could I sit next to you?" However, one person in the area had a different tactic. He sauntered to the place he was going to sit and announced, "You are very lucky that I am joining you."

What chair did he choose? The vacant one next to me.

The man was in his late 20s or early 30s. From Texas, he sported a LARGE cowboy hat, shiny boots, and an over sized belt buckle that appeared to have an inlay of precious jewels. He was groomed and svelte; his smile was infectious; his eyes were a brilliant green. Let me just say, he was very attractive.

"Actually, this is your lucky day because you chose to sit next to me!" (Not one to back down from a robust personality, I engaged him with what I like to say is witty banter.)

He responded, "Ma'am. This is going to be a conversation to remember. Where are you from?"

We were off to the races. Pleasantries were exchanged (where we both hailed from, where we were traveling to, what the purpose of the travel entailed...).

He shared that he was a 'pole' man; a person who strung high voltage wires on very tall towers. According to him, he could rappel any structure in a matter of minutes, connect lines of cable in record speed and find his way safely to the ground with enough energy to enjoy the night life at his location until the sun came up.

I must admit that he was a great storyteller and that it was delightful to listen to him. He was one of those people that you were instantly attracted to. He had great eye contact, a soothing voice, an easy laugh and a physical presence that pulled you in.

At one point, he asked what I did for a living. And that is when the conversation hit a fork in the road. Upon learning that the last 30 years of my life were dedicated to sharing God's plan for marriage and family life for the Catholic Church, he suspended his southern charm and became defensive.

His next comment revealed his change in demeanor.

"Ma'am. The stuff you share is simply bull(#*!*). There is nothing good about permanent relationships. They suck the life out of you. They are like a millstone around your neck. You gain nothing from giving yourself in marriage to another person. NOTHING."

He told me about a few failed relationships that had cemented his philosophy of radical independence. In short, he made it clear that he was not to blame for anything. The woman in every case was. He did everything right. She did everything wrong. He was just too perfect to become a match for anyone.

The most polite response that I could come up with was, "I am sad for you."

To which he responded, "Don't be. I am doing much better than you are because I don't have to depend on anyone but myself." Within minutes, he finished his sandwich and the conversation. He left to conquer another tower.

As he walked away, I couldn't help but think that I had just met a real-life Gaston from Beauty and the Beast.

Despite his confidence and stately manner, he was an arrogant man who seemed interested in the sentimentality of love. His narcissism was a clear indicator that his heart was kept under lock and key, never to be penetrated or touched.

It is a tragedy when either a man or a woman finds themselves living in total independence and control. I say that because God creates us for much more than an encounter with only ourselves. He designed us for loving exchanges with others, and desires that we surrender our being in self-giving. Denying this reality hardens one's heart and leads to a lonely, arid desert.

No amount of extreme work projects or wild night life adventures will fill the void that this guy is heading for. He may have presented himself as a man who had it all. But, in reality, he possessed so very little.

If you encounter a person like this, what should you do? Here are my suggestions.

• Talk with them. Let them tell you their story.
• Ask good questions to help them get to the root of their isolation.
• Resist being pulled into their drama because they are charming. Drama is a poor dating foundation.
• Protect your person—don't let them turn you into an object for their use.
• Remember you can't fix them. But, you can certainly pray for them.