What Adam and Eve Teach Us About Living Alone

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"I can't live alone," she told me with conviction.

"And why is that?" I asked.

With a hint of indignation, she said, "You know why. God created me to live in community and not alone. The Bible tells us that right away in Genesis. It's against my God given nature to be alone."

She has a point. Human persons are created for the other. They are meant for relationship. God wants his children to establish meaningful connections with others. No argument from me. But—I'm not sure that means that someone can't live alone. Obviously, lots of people do.

It's my take that this young lady doesn't like living alone. She senses a longing to be with another that is consuming her thoughts and emotions. Being alone is driving her spirit down a path of desperation and gloom.

I get that God created us to be with others; that we are made out of love for love. But he also created us to be uniquely individual. In fact, the second story of creation spells that out clearly as it depicts Adam alone in the garden long before Eve comes on the scene. From this account we learn about original solitude and the necessity to first know one's self as a creature of God before entering into relationship.

What does original solitude mean?

Original solitude is a fundamental part of Saint Pope John Paul's adequate anthropology that is part of his Theology of the Body. It refers to the fact that each human person stands alone in the world as a creature made in God's image and likeness. From it we learn that we are not animals, nor are we God. Rather, we are persons with a body and a spirit. We are similar to animals in that we have bodies. And we are similar to God in that we have a spirit. But we differ from both animals and God too. So where does that put us? Alone—straddling two realities; a spiritual being within a material body.

The young woman lamenting her life alone (and other young adults just like her) doesn't like this position. She knows it is not good to be alone and that it is good to have a helpmate. Yet, she doesn't know what to do about it.

This is where marriage ministers can be helpful. With our assistance, young people can learn that there is much to be gained from the experience of solitude. We can help them see the rationale for living as a single.

The 3 lessons Adam teaches us about being single

1. Work for others

If we return to the second account of creation, three key lessons emerge. The first involves physical labor, as is shown by the fact that God created Adam and immediately put him to work cultivating and caring for the garden. Though it is not fun, learning to work hard in service of something other than yourself is a vital skill to hone while single.

2. Be subordinate

Here's the next lesson; learn how to be subordinate. After Adam cared for the garden, God told him about a tree that would kill him if he ate its fruit. He had to accept his role as less than God and be willing to follow his lead. Again, this is not a pleasurable lesson to learn. Yet, fundamental to the single experience.

3. Don't expect instant gratification

Ready for the next? Responsibility. Adam's next task from God was to become a caretaker of all the living creatures. He had to learn about each species and then name each one. This had to take great effort on Adam's part. Imagine how much time it took to meet each animal, watch it move, name it only to be disappointed that it wasn't a suitable partner! Perhaps this is the most tedious lesson to learn during one's solitude; responsibility and invested time doesn't always pay the dividends you think you should get.

Here's what I adore about the second story of creation. Through hard work, subordination and responsibility, God readied Adam for Eve. His solitude prepared him for the ecstasy of meeting Eve. It equipped his body and spirit to fully embrace the gift of the other and become a gift in return.

I empathize with all singles who felt the pain of being alone. (How I remember the years when I watched my friends marry and I was wretchedly without a match.) It is tough to embrace the experience of solitude. But, those who take on the lessons from Genesis will learn that being alone is different than being lonely. They will move forward and find joy in singleness.

 

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