10 Ways Women May Chase Men Away

Ladies, it is time to have an honest conversation.

At one point or another, each of us has probably acted in a way that turned a man off or chased him away. Embarrassingly so, I know I have.

One of the things that is important in being a good, healthy dater is taking responsibility for ourselves. Let's together consider and look at behaviors or actions we may have engaged in, that can turn men off or away from us.

Women and men are very different, yet very unique creatures. 

When it comes to things like dating or chemistry, we all have different experiences and desires in what we are looking for in a serious relationship or future marriage.

As a woman, I know what are the types of things that are an attraction killer for myself and what I am looking for. Of course, that varies with women, just as it would for men.

Sometimes, when I think about dating and relationships, I consider what the experience is and feels like for men. I think it can be a helpful practice to become a better dater, and have more respect and understanding for the opposite sex.

So when I share these 10 ideas, it is not necessarily because I have deeply studied the topic or am an expert. It is because as I have dated, it has led me to think about the other person’s experience as I am getting to know and connect with him. And in all honesty, I have made some of the mistakes along the way in dating.

1. Being Guarded

Ladies, just be yourself. Don’t put on act or try to be how you think a man wants you to be. Just be your authentic, beautiful self. Being guarded or having walls up prevents a nice man from getting to know the real you.

2. Trying Too Hard to Impress

Related to the above. A man wants to connect with you, and what you feel connected to or are passionate about. Simply because you love it. What lights you up? What do you care about? What brings out your warm, loving, playful side?

3. Too Much Masculine Energy

As women, we are good at so many things. Running our lives, careers or households, we can sometimes bring that energy into dating and relationships. Don’t lean forward with that same intensity. Allow a man to lead.

4. Having an Interview Instead of a Date

Stop turning dates into integration sessions. It does not honor or respect men, but it also makes you appear insecure, desperate, and showing up guarded. Instead ladies, show up open and curious on a date with a man; looking forward to getting to know him more and making a great connection.

5. Futuristic Thinking

Ladies, we all have done it! Let’s be honest, take responsibility for ourselves, and behave differently moving forward. “Oh my gosh, is he the one? Does he like me? Is he going to ask me out again? What would our children look like?” 

Let’s commit to stopping this! Be fully present with a man, not caught up in the future, but fully alive in the current moment.

6. Revealing Too Much, Too Soon

This might feel a bit harsh, but I say it with loving kindness (also because I have done this before). Oversharing with a man too soon is usually a symptom of our neediness and a sign we don’t live fulfilling lives on our own. 

Share and reveal more about yourself over time. Lasting connection needs a strong foundation, so allow it to strengthen over time.

7. The Wrong Type of Vibe

Dating should be and is fun! Don’t make it labor-some or more difficult. Be light, curious about the man you are getting to know. A woman who is happy in her own life and open-hearted in getting to know someone, without heavy attachments or expectations from the get-go, is the best place to be, ladies! There is plenty of time to get to know a man, so don’t think you have to learn everything on date #1!

8. Having Weak Boundaries and No Sense of Self

I think sometimes women don’t recognize when their boundaries are weak or non-existent. There is a difference between boundaries and walls: boundaries are on the inside, while walls are on the outside. Boundaries help guide you and keep you safe. Walls are formed from weakness and fear. They don’t guide you; they block you.

Know the difference between the two for yourself; it is a good practice to know.

9. Leaning Forward

Don’t put all your energy and attention on a man; it stifles and suffocates him! When you are on a date with a man, yes you should be focused on him, but when you leave, it should be all about YOU. Becoming overly obsessed or attached to a man is never attractive and yet, we all have done it.

Focus on living your rich, beautiful life. Match a man’s energy as it comes to you.

10. Not Showing Your True Feminine Heart

Ladies, your beautiful, unique feminine heart inside you is your greatest attraction magnet to the right man for you. For a man to open and share his heart with you, he has to feel and know your own heart first—and then accept his. 

Don’t close your heart off. If you bump into your own fears or insecurities, it’s okay. Acknowledge them, take responsibility for yourself, and move on. Your precious heart is what draws a man’s heart toward you.

Hopefully this list brings you clarity and confidence.

So, do your best to avoid these all too common mistakes women can make during their single and dating years.

I think there are plenty of other things we could add to a list like this...but this is at least a good place to start. Ladies, if you catch yourself doing any of the things mentioned above, pause, and ask yourself if this is an action that might be doing more harm than good for your relationship.