A First Date Survival Guide (For Men and Women)

Well, the time has come… 

You’re going out on a date! 

Maybe you feel like it’s taken forever to get to this point. Setting up your profile, taking personality quizzes, wading through matches, sending and receiving messages. And finally, one of your “matches” is ready for the next level. Which in all honesty, is really just the first level.

The first date. 

Okay, you’re excited. But more than that, maybe you’re nervous. Anxious. Petrified!?

If you are feeling those first-date jitters, take a deep breath. When preparing for a first date, it’s important to keep one thing in mind: take the pressure off. 

Take the pressure off yourself…you don’t need to look like a supermodel, tell all the funniest jokes, or carry the most compelling conversation. But also, take the pressure off the other person too. You might not hear bells and angels singing at the moment they walk through the door (you probably won’t, actually).

Think: what is the purpose of a first date? Rarely do you hear stories of people knowing they’ve met “the one” at date number one. It can happen, but it’s not the norm. The point of going on that first date after making an online connection is to bring it to real-life. You really can’t know much about a person until you see them in person. 

So the first date is really just the first step in meeting someone. Will it be awkward? Yes. But that’s not a reason to panic. Here are some tips on conquering those first-date jitters, for both the men and the ladies.  

Before the Date (For Men): 

Have a plan, but don’t go overboard.

Assuming conventional roles here, where men are more likely to ask women out on the first date, be specific and intentional in your invitation. Call it a Date (with a capital D). Decide on a day and time for the occasion, and have a couple location ideas to suggest. Pick something that is casual enough for a first meeting, and not too intense (more like chatting at a coffee shop, instead of a plus-one to your brother’s wedding…or skydiving). 

Dress for the occasion.

Whatever the norm for the location you’ve chosen, dress for that. Don’t wear a button up shirt and dress shoes for a casual walk in the park. Take a shower and comb your hair. Shave, if that’s your thing (I prefer a bearded man though). Look presentable, but look like yourself. The more yourself you feel, the more relaxed you’ll seem (and therefore more attractive). 

Think of some good questions to ask.

The difference between a bad date and a good date is often found in the conversation… or lack thereof. Bring some good ice breaker questions to start the conversation off. Check out this great list for some ideas!

Before the Date (For Ladies):

Tell a friend the plan.

Since online dating adds an extra element of anonymity to the dating game, it is important to stay safe. Make sure you’re meeting in a public place, and tell a close friend or family member the location and time of the date. Some people even bring friends along with them. Do whatever makes you feel at ease! 

Don’t obsess on how you dress.

Your date has likely looked through your profile pictures a few times. If you were intentional about picking photos that reflected your best self, you’ll likely want to be intentional about how you look in real life as well. But, don’t go overboard. Dress like yourself, and dress for the setting. Seeing someone in person is a much better experience than looking at a profile picture. Often this is seldom about how you dress than it is about your mannerisms and the way you conduct yourself.

Bring some conversation-starters.

Women are often gifted with the ability to talk. This can be a blessing on a first date because it often puts your date at ease, but make sure to let your date talk too! To help foster conversation, check out this list for some great ice-breaker questions! 

During the Date (For Men):

Make eye contact.

Your eyes say a lot about you without you needing to say much at all. Looking your date in the eyes brings to life that in-person connection you’re attempting to make, and may even cause some sparks! 

Tell some jokes.

You don’t have to be a stand-up comedian or the class clown, but it helps to lighten the mood if you have a sense of humor. First dates will be awkward—it’s just a fact of life. Embrace the awkwardness by laughing at yourself, showing a funny meme you saw the other day, or sharing a story of something comical that happened to you recently. Women are attracted to men who can make them laugh. Just make sure she’s not the butt of your jokes!

Be a gentleman.

This is pretty self-explanatory, but so important! Holding doors, paying for the bill, and respecting her physical boundaries all speak volumes. I once went on a first date where the guy went in for a kiss unexpectedly. It was awful and unwanted. Don’t be that guy. Remember, you’ve only just met each other! 

During the Date (For Ladies):

Smile and laugh.

When in doubt, smile! If you don’t know what to say, or if things are beyond awkward, smiling is contagious and can put you both more at ease. And laugh at his jokes! Even if he’s not very funny, your laughter can boost a man’s self-confidence and make things feel much more “normal” for both of you.

Put away your phone.

Men are guilty of this too, but I think women tend to use their phones as a safety net in awkward situations. Since women are more apt than men at multitasking, it is possible to hold a conversation while scrolling through your instagram feed…but don’t. Just be present. The presence of your phone will only make your date feel like they are an afterthought. 

Share your joy.

Women are gifted with the feminine genius, the ability to reflect God’s goodness through our very existence in a unique way. Men will admit that women have a certain “aura” that just captivates men. So on the first date, don’t be afraid to embrace your femininity and share the joy that God gifted you with! Be light-hearted, sweet, and genuine. 

After the Date (For Both):

Keep perspective.

Remember that this is a first date. If you aren’t “wowed” right away, that’s normal, and usually isn’t a reason to cut ties already. Sit on it and pray about it for a few days, talk with a friend or two about how it went, and then wait for the follow up. 

Follow up.

If a second date invitation wasn’t made at the end of the first, reach out within a couple days to keep the conversation going, and then ask for a second date when the time is right. If there were some definite red flags or deal breakers, end the exchange with the person in a definite matter. 

With this guide at your fingertips, hopefully you can embrace the awkward but necessary step of a first date with confidence!