The Dating Website Said My Friend Was “Unmatchable”

My friend Brent signed up for an online dating site back when Internet dating was relatively new.

The site required you to fill out a fairly lengthy questionnaire in order to determine your personality and desires so they could match you with someone similar. 

After spending three hours online filling out the survey, Brent received a message saying he was in the 14 percent of people who were “unmatchable.” Ouch. 

Today he’s a priest. No joke.

So are some people truly “unmatchable”? I don’t think so. I’ll tell you why…

My friends and I never could figure out why Brent was deemed unmatchable. I assure you he’s not a freak. He’s tall, handsome, creative, intelligent. I never saw his responses to the questions. Who knows? 

Maybe he was too honest. Instead of the standard “I’m laid back with a sarcastic sense of humor” maybe he wrote “Sometimes I can be a jerk but I’m always trying to improve.” He must have answered in the exactly imperfect way and the computer program could not figure out what to do with him.

But that’s the problem with depending on a computer program, isn’t it? A software system may know how to analyze a lot of data in order to help you mitigate risk in choosing a mate. But software could never really know my friend. 

After Brent’s disheartening attempt at online romance, which never moved beyond creating a profile, he moved on with his life.

He met women in his Catholic social circle and dated a few. They were mostly just normal relationships where both felt mutual attraction, had fun, had arguments, bonded, and then decided it wasn’t right for them, no hard feelings.

One of mine and Brent’s mutual friends, David, was a rock-and-roll drummer. He played gigs at clubs in Los Angeles as he pursued a music career. One day, he broke up with his girlfriend and told her he felt called to become a monk. It hurt them both, of course, but to David, it wasn’t weird. It’s just where he felt God calling him.

David was not “unmatchable” but he discerned he was called to a different kind of life.

Brent observed all this. He was deeply and genuinely religious. He loved new-wave music, classic literature, and the occasional cigarette with a tumbler of whiskey. He also loved the Catholic Church. 

I moved from L.A. a little while after all this. A few years later, I asked a mutual buddy how Brent was doing. He said Brent had recently been ordained as a priest. Several other friends confirmed this and reported that Brent seemed happier and more peaceful than they’d ever known him.

So was that online dating site’s computer program accurate? Was Brent unmatchable?

The fact that he became a priest might be an argument for that. But I don’t think so. 

I think Brent, like any of us, could have eventually found someone he clicked with and he could have chosen to marry and start a life with her. God always gave him the freedom to do that. 

I don’t believe God’s will is one specific thing and if we miss it, we are out of His will and favor forever. God and His love and grace are much bigger than that. 

God’s will is not a tiny circle you can draw on a page and you have to stay inside that circle to please him. I believe God’s will goes off the page and stretches way beyond what we even know.

We do know God’s two greatest commandments: Love God and love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:37-40). If you are doing those two things, whether you’re single or dating or married or divorced, then the Scripture says you are in God’s will. 

As Saint Augustine said: “Love, and do what you will.” 

That’s what my friend Brent did. Now he’s living out a great love story, between him and God and others. 

Ultimately, Brent’s story makes me realize that nobody is truly “unmatchable.”

We can choose to match with another person or match with a consecrated religious life. Either option is holy and good. Either way, when we love as God calls us to, we match with Him and everything else flows from that.

So don’t be discouraged. Keep seeking God, keep growing and improving yourself, keep enjoying the place you’re in, whether single or married or otherwise. And always try to be open to the possibility that your perfect match may not be what you originally expected.