Let Your Personality Guide Your Relationship

True story: I once attended a video-game themed wedding.

Not long ago I was privileged to attend the wedding of a dear friend of mine from college. Now, my friend is a person of very marked personality, as well as being both creative and possessed of a sense of humor, as is her husband. Consequently, they decided what they wanted was a Skyrim themed wedding (that’s the fantasy video game, for those who are unaware).

This meant the bridal party and any of the guests who wished to do so appeared in medieval dress, with a queenly mantle for the bride and a black-and-silver tunic for the groom. The reception was decorated with banners and trinkets related to the game, with the tables labeled after regions in the game world, and the wedding party entered the reception hall to the thundering notes of the game’s main theme (the bride and groom engaged in a little mock ritual combat here). One of the guests served the role of minstrel by going around to the table singing and strumming a lute (ukulele, actually, but close enough).

It was all a lot of fun, making the experience stand out as uniquely as the personalities of the two protagonists. Even the bartenders commented on how much they enjoyed it (the drinks were listed as their game equivalents, with an accompanying translation chart).

One of the reasons it was so enjoyable was because it was so them.

Now, some might (and I’m told some did) object that styling a wedding after a video game was trivializing or disrespectful to the sacrament.

But note this: the wedding ceremony was a perfectly orthodox and very beautifully done Mass, with the proper form and vows, conducted inside a gorgeous old-fashioned church. The only element of the chosen theme present were the costumes. But these, being medieval garb, only added to the reverence and dignity of the wedding. One almost felt it was strange that anyone didn’t marry in a medieval dress. And really, a wedding could hardly be called medieval-themed if the ceremony weren’t perfectly orthodox.

Thus my friends were not only able to create a memorable reception, but wove their distinct personalities seamlessly into the very ceremony itself while making it appear all the more reverent.

Orthodoxy allows things to be unified, but not necessarily the same. There's room for preference and personality.

Mr. Chesterton commented on the unifying nature of orthodoxy, as contrasted with the unifying nature of modernity.

He said modernity was like an umbrella, rendering everything uniform and bringing it down to the lowest common denominator. Orthodoxy was like a tree, every branch and every twig different and distinct, but all growing from the same stalk and all drinking light from the same leaves.

The wedding of my friend was a perfect example of this: exactly according to form and yet totally different from any other.

It is easy, especially in this day and age where religious orthodoxy is so rare and piety so discouraged, to be tempted to wrap ourselves into a hermetically sealed box, fearing to let in anything that isn’t clearly and obviously safe, and to think that this is the ‘correct’ way to be Catholic in the modern world.

It would be a tragedy, and no credit to the Church, if it were so. To put it simply, God made you to have a certain personality, and He does not create to no purpose. The deepest likings and dislikings, the way your mind strikes up against reality, in short, your particular God-given character is part of the raw material from which you are to produce the required fruit.

Catholics should feel free to be themselves, with all of their distinct traits.

With that in mind, I’ve often thought that Catholics, of all people, ought to have the most distinct, individual personalities.

We are at once told that our God has blessed creation and called it good and given clear boundaries beyond which our thoughts and actions ought not to go, as well as an easy means to rectify it if they do. We ought to be more fearlessly ourselves, more strikingly unrestrained in our personalities. than anyone else in the world.

Of course, we have to keep the commandments and accept the dogmas. But though we are often reminded of this condition, we tend to miss the other side of it: that provided we do, we are free of all else. You see, to know where the boundaries are is also to know where they are not.

As Mr. Chesterton said, he who keeps the commandments may break the conventions.

Naturally, relationships are all distinct too. And there isn't a right way to date as long as you're acting with virtue.

And this applies in our relationships as well. When two people fall in love, it is with each other’s personalities. The more those personalities can be embodied in the relationship, and the more they can be woven together, the stronger it will be.

In other words, don’t be afraid to think outside the box in terms of how you go about courting your potential spouse, and whatever you do don’t pay much heed to anyone telling you the ‘correct’ way to date.

Only keep your end in mind and act with virtue, and your relationship may proceed however it suits the two of you, whether that means dinner dates interspersed with mutual prayer times or meeting through online multiplayer to court each other ‘in character.’

Try to weave your own personalities into both your dating life and your prayer life. You will find both growing stronger, for the roots that bind you to God and to your spouse will be put down right against the foundation of your heart.

As for what this will look like, well, only you can know that. Ask yourself what you would do if only you could or if only it were permissible. And then ask: “Is it right? Is it prudent? And is it possible?” If you can answer yes to all three, or at least to the first two, then go ahead and see what happens.