Surviving and Thriving During Engagement Season While Single

It can come at any moment, and when it does, it often goes on for months.

Suddenly, friends are announcing engagements and posting romantic photos all over social media. They’re throwing bridal showers, bachelor parties, and weddings. It’s Engagement Season and you’re surrounded with reminders that the love of your life is still out there somewhere, waiting for you.

Whether this dreaded season is full of kisses in the pumpkin patch or rings under the tree, engagement season is exhausting when you’re on the outside looking in. It’s a painful time. Especially for single Catholics who know marriage is their Vocation in life.

It’s hard to watch your social media light up with other people’s love. Hard to RSVP to invitation after invitation. It’s especially hard to keep your optimism alive when it seems like everyone else has already moved on to the next stage of life.

So, when engagement season rolls around again in your life, take the opportunity for some intentional self-care.

Don’t be afraid to prioritize your emotional health.

When that guy you dated 3 years ago posts his snowflake-themed engagement photos on Instagram, unfollow him—even if it’s just for a while.

When your best friend tells you that he’s proposing to his adorable girlfriend, wish him joy, but skip the party if it’s too much for you. Trust me, real friends will understand.

Most of them know how it feels to be trapped, even for a little while, in a role that doesn’t fit you. Most of them, no matter how successful in love they are, have been alone at some point.

Your friends care about you, they want you to thrive. If you have to skip a party or two, they will understand. They might even make it easier for you.

Make point to spend time with those friends in a different way. Go out for a drink together or make some time to just talk. Try to remember that as much as you’re frustrated with the state of your own love life, you’re still happy for your friend.

1. Move on from moping.

There’s really nothing more satisfying and healing than a good cry. When you hear that first, or fifth, announcement, go ahead and mope for a while.

Take a hot bath, blast vintage Country music, and just sob. It’s okay. People often say that infertility is a continual grieving process, because you’re mourning all of your might-have-beens. Well, unintentional singleness carries a similar burden. As each season passes you feel the weight of time; and you hope that this time next year, it’ll finally be your turn.

So let yourself mourn when you need to. Don’t bottle it up inside or tell yourself that your pain isn’t real. It is, and you deserve support as you work through it. At the same time, don’t let yourself stay in mourning. “To everything there’s a season” remember. Get up again, get active, and move forward.

Try making a few dates if possible. Send messages to people whose profiles look interesting. Workout, invite yourself over to a friend’s house, or take a trip out of state. Spend time reminding yourself that you’re not alone. You have friends and family who love you. It’s not the same, and it doesn’t fill the ache you feel as you wait for marriage, but it’s important to remember that those people are there for you.

In short, mourn and weep when you need to, but don’t let the pain win. Don’t let your loneliness isolate you from the people who love you. Do things that keep your hope alive.

2. Talk about it.

One of the best ways to connect with your friends is by being honest with them. Let them know how you’re feeling.

Of course, everyone knows at least one person who will always respond with a put down: “No wonder you’re single, all you do is complain.” Or “maybe if you weren’t so picky you’d be married by now.” Those are not the people to open your heart to. Ignore them and save the honest conversations for the friends who genuinely care for you.

Talk to people who have learned how to listen. Most importantly, talk to Christ. There is no one who can listen like Him, and no one who cares as much as He does about your life and happiness.

Spend time with Christ. Entrust all your hopes and dreams to Him and let Him advise you. Sometimes it sounds corny or dismissive to say “just give it to God” but I know that I processed most of my relationship worries and loneliness with Christ in the Eucharist. Prayer really does help. Telling God that you’re angry or miserable or lonely really does help.

3. Treat yourself.

I mean it! Give yourself permission to indulge a bit. Celebrate a personal victory, no matter how small. If you can’t think of even one small victory, create one. Write a to-do list full of things you do every day, then celebrate yourself when you check off all the boxes.

Try a deeply moisturizing hair treatment, a new haircut, a massage, or a trip to the pricey new coffee shop with the decadent pastries. Spend a Saturday watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and soaking in the tub. Go camping with friends or sing karaoke.

Whatever makes you feel cool, interesting, indulged, or just plain special. Sometimes, when everyone else is celebrating around you, a little bit of self-care can make a world of difference.

Remember, this is just a moment in time. Your day of celebration will come and you’ll want to share that joy with everyone. So be gentle with your friends and with yourself.