Are You Afraid You're Missing Out?

Somewhere between Christmas and New Year's, I pour a great cup of coffee and read through all of the holiday greetings that arrived during the month of December.

It is always good to receive 'the annual' news from family and friends and to learn about new babies, awesome travels and work status or residence upgrades. Halfway through this year's stack was a card from a work acquaintance of mine who is in her mid-twenties.

The card described a twelve month highlight reel filled with glamour: advance degree completed (graduated in the top 10 percent of class); extensive travel in the U.S. and abroad; swanky flat in a major urban area; exceptional job (which pays very well); and the purchase of a new puppy that doesn't shed. It was hard not to think that she was totally happy and content.

It was hard not to compare myself with her at that age. It sure seemed like she had been granted elite status in life and that I had been given much less. (FYI—in my twenties, I was teaching elementary physical education to over 700 students in a rural community and living pay check to pay check in a small apartment.)

FOMO—fear of missing out—has become a leading cause of depression in today's world.

It is a sense that your life lacks meaning and accomplishment. FOMO gives people the impression that their physical appearance, academic accomplishments and social status don't measure up. A recent study describes the condition as ‘‘the uneasy and sometimes all-consuming feeling that you’re missing out—that your peers are doing, in the know about, or in possession of more or something better than you.’’ Under this framing of FOMO, nearly three-quarters of young adults reported they experienced the phenomenon."

FOMO is what I felt after reading my friend's card. Her news made me feel inferior and (momentarily) it made me sad. It also made me want to check her out on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter to verify her claims. (Truly, I was hoping to find a chink in her chain. How bad is that!) FOMO was drawing me into the vice of envy.

Let's get real.

Envy is one of the seven deadly sins because it is toxic to our well-being. It is a capital sin that refers to the sadness at the sight of another's goods and the immoderate desire to acquire them for oneself, even unjustly.

There is nothing good about envy. Yet, we are all tempted by this vice. Individuals waiting to find their true love become jealous of those who are engaged or married. Married couples become envious of other married couples who seem to have their act together. Parents become covetous of the talents of other parent's children. It's a vicious, nasty game of comparisons that creates ill will and divisiveness.

Are you a person who fears that you are missing out?

Does your soul contract rather than flourish when you learn of the good fortune of another? If this is you, consider the following actions.

STOP! Force yourself to disengage your curiosity in everyone else's business. Step away from the 'whoa is me' cliff  that  portrays everyone else as perfect and content and living life fully. End the comparison game.

THINK. Begin to see the reality of life. Become objective about what is truly happening in your own existence as well as that of others.  Think about the blessings that surround you. Consider your own accomplishments—no matter how trivial they may currently seem. Contemplate God's plan for you remembering that He is your creator and you are His lovable creature.  Gain perspective by channeling your inner Frozen (you know—let it go, let it go...). And pray. Pray. Pray. Pray.

ACT. Make a decision to limit or completely avoid social media. Replace the time you normally spend checking your accounts with a long walk or a DIY project or some volunteer work in your parish or neighborhood.

By the way—after reading the card from my young friend, I called her and set up a luncheon date. Guess what she told me over soup? She was jealous that my husband and I had shared nearly 40 years of marriage; that we had 3 kids and 9 grand babies. She told me she would do anything to have a meaningful relationship with someone because her life was more lonely than fulfilling.

Looks like we both need to stop fearing we missed out.