Talking to Friends with the Single Blues
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So, I'm in this great relationship.
One unexpected difficulty I have faced since being in a relationship is navigating conversations with my friends about my relationship. We all know those girls who can’t stop talking about their boyfriends, and I found myself stressing about becoming one of them.
To complicate matters, I then started to worry about talking to my friends about my relationship when they’re suffering from the single girl blues. I can distinctly remember times in my life when friends have been in relationships and, pretty soon, that’s all they wanted to talk about, and any topic that I tried to bring up was somehow diverted back to so and so’s new boyfriend.
I realize that there’s nothing wrong with being excited about your relationship, but it also can be tough to listen to a friend go on and on about it when you are single and struggling with feelings of loneliness and doubting if you’re ever going to find anyone. So, below are a few suggestions for those of you in a relationship who are trying to figure out what to do if your friend is struggling with the single girl blues:
1.) Read your friend’s mood.
If she is a close friend, you should be able to tell when she’s in the mood to talk about relationships, and when talking about boys is just going to make her feel more depressed. If she is struggling with the single girl blues, be encouraging. We all need a shoulder to cry on once in a while. Remind her that the season of singleness is just that, a season. God hasn’t forgotten about her or her vocation. He may be asking her to use this time to concentrate on something else.
Remind her of the freedom she has in being single. Her time is truly her own and she can and should take advantage of that. Urge her not to fall into the waiting trap—God does not intend for any single person to waste their time waiting for a future spouse that may or may not show up at any given moment. We are meant to live our lives and grow in holiness. Inspire her to join that church group or to go on that pilgrimage!
2.) You can always ask if she’s up for a relationships conversation.
You are friends, and friends are supposed to be able to speak to each other about anything. Just tell her that you’re concerned about talking her ears off about your boyfriend. She will then have permission to tell you when you’re going overboard. Even if she is up for it, try to remember not to let the conversation turn into a monologue. Take a breath, ask her questions and for her input. If you catch yourself monologuing, you can apologize and allow your friend to take over for a while.
3.) Don’t gush, at least not all of the time.
Yes, there does seem to be more sunshine and rainbows in your world, especially when you are newly in love, but your friend might be experiencing thunder showers. Allow your friend to celebrate with you, but don’t get to the point of rubbing it in. No one likes that. Above all, be sure to celebrate your friend’s good news as well. This means that you are going to have to give her a chance to speak and change the subject!
4.) Allow your friend to be the one to bring up the topic of relationships.
If you’re still unsure and worried about dominating the conversation with your relationship news, let your friend be the one to bring it up. Chances are that she will and if she doesn’t, well, then that’s probably a good indicator that she’s not feeling up to that conversation at that moment.
5.) Pray for her.
It’s easy to get caught up in your new budding romance, but do not forget to pray for your friend. Friends care for each other, body and soul. Bring your friend’s struggles to the Lord and ask Him to assist her with them. You can always offer a rosary or, even better, a novena for her vocation. Who knows, maybe those extra prayers to Saint Anthony will help your friend run across the right person’s profile on CatholicMatch!
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