Christmas can be hard for singles. Maybe you are tired of being asked the dreaded question, “don’t you have somebody yet?” Or perhaps it feels like everyone else is paired off to happily celebrate the season. (Or maybe you’re just watching too many Hallmark movies!)
Whatever the case, we all know Christmas is not about romance. We are not supposed to spend the holiday season bemoaning our dating life, or resenting the empty seat beside us. Let’s shift our focus back to the reason for the season.
Dive into your faith this season!
Christmas is a wonderful spiritual opportunity for us to grow in our faith. Check out options like BlessedIsShe for women, men’s programs like Exodus90, or browse these wonderful Advent devotionals to get inspired. Classic ideas such as a regular holy hour, the Rosary, Adoration, or frequent Confession are also infinitely beneficial for our souls. The season of singleness offers the particular blessing of time and focus. It’s a season that can feel neverending and lonely, but when you’re on the other side with a spouse and children, you will NEVER have the wholehearted attention to devote to personal spiritual devotions. So instead of complaining about your loneliness, use your extra time well and be thankful for the unique chance to deepen your prayer life.
Get out of the house, date or no date!
It’s easy to fall into the trap of whining and feeling lonely when you’re in your room . . . alone . . . on yet another snowy evening. Changing up your environment and your mindset will cheer you up! Pretty much anywhere will do, as long as it’s not the same four walls you’re always inhabiting!
You can go to a holiday event if you’re in the mood, or simply take a walk around town to see the Christmas decorations. Invite a friend over, talk on the phone, or simply greet the neighbors who pass. It’s hard to feel sad when you’re getting hot cocoa with a pal, taking in the holiday lights, or hiking up a beautiful snowy hill! Obviously, you can always invite a CatholicMatch member along with you, as all of these things make fantastic first dates. But the point is to get out of the house and enjoy the season, regardless of whether you’re alone, with a friend, or on a date.
Set up a lonely-only gathering
I don’t mean a singles’ mixer, although that’s a good option too. What I mean is to create a Christmas gathering for people who don’t have anywhere else to go. For instance, you could invite the newcomer at church who doesn’t know anybody in the area. Or the childless widower down the street. Or your local priests and seminarians who can’t make it home for the holidays.
If we just take the time to look around us, we will see plenty of people who can’t celebrate Christmas the “normal” way. You can provide that Christmas community for them! Set up a cookie-baking party, or a caroling walk, or a white elephant present exchange, or even a grown-up sledding party. Include some hot drinks, a pot-luck, and some Christmas music. You’ll be surprised how much this means to lonely-only’s. Who knows, it might even become an annual tradition. Which leads to the next item on the list. . .
Hone your own Christmas tradition
What do you LOVE about this holiday season? Do you have a favorite childhood memory from Christmas? A tradition you’ve heard of but never got the chance to do? The time to try it out is now! You don’t need to wait for a spouse to start or resurrect your own Christmas traditions. Perhaps you’ve always loved your grandmother’s cinnamon rolls–learn how to make them, and start doing it every year. (Trust me, you’ll suddenly become the top of everyone’s invitation list when word gets around!) Maybe you treasured decorating the Christmas tree with your siblings, or lighting the Advent wreath every night. This author talks about how her dad left cornflakes on the roof for Santa’s reindeer! What tradition might be calling your name? What do you want to look forward to doing, every year, whether you’re single or married or parenting or even widowed? Start doing it now. You are worth the tradition all on your own, as you are, right now.
Return to good ol’ best friends night
Instead of desperately looking for romantic dates, set something up with your best friends of the same gender! No matter how different our walks of life, everyone enjoys a good girls’ night in or guys’ night out. Set up some sort of holiday celebration and invite your friends. Think movie night, a skiing outing, going to see live music, etc. Just make sure you state clearly that this is a girls/guys ONLY party, or you might end up with a houseful of husbands on mani-pedi night. And don’t worry if all your friends are married: it is still totally socially acceptable to have a gendered get-together. Friends aren’t temporary holdovers until you’re wedded, after all! It’s important to have a supportive friend group no matter what stage of life you’re in. Use the Christmas season to remind yourself of that.
Christmas is one of the most wonderful times of the year. Don’t squander it by stewing on your less than ideal dating life. There is so much more to Christmas than just romance, after all! Christmas is the birth of our Savior, the birth of all things new, and the start of a new liturgical year in the Catholic church. What better time to renew your spirit and attitude than now?
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