The Single Person's Guide to Surviving Wedding Season

I went to a wedding last summer and had a mental breakdown for three days afterwards. It sounds dramatic because it was. 

Before the ceremony, I sat in the car. Looking into the rearview mirror, I psyched myself up like a pro wrestler before a match, “You can do this. So you’re single, but that’s totally normal! Who cares that every one of your friends there has 4 kids?!” It didn’t help that my ex-boyfriend and his beautiful wife would also be in attendance. What did I have to show for all these years of being single? A prolific career of writing about being single?! 

You see, going to a wedding as a single person isn’t just going to a party.

It’s not a simple experience for the non-dating, the un-wedded, the “still-alones.” When you get that wedding invite in the mail, part of you celebrates. The other part of you processes the feeling of impending doom and how to not let it “ruin” the excitement. 

The mental turmoil sort of sounds like this, “Oh my gosh! It’s Katie’s ‘Save The Date’! The gold embossing is so pretty. Wow. This is great. Soooo great. Eugh, what’s that weird feeling in my stomach? Okay. Chill out. This is a good thing! Hmm, the wedding is in five months. Can I find a boyfriend in five months? It’s crazy to think they just met a year ago. I bet I’ll still be single in a year from now. Okay, shut up, this isn’t about you. This is a win for all single people! Who knows, maybe I’ll meet someone at the wedding? Or maybe I'll just end up dancing with toddlers during the reception again.”

I know what you’re probably thinking, “Wow, what a horribly self-absorbed girl!” But guess what, you can be genuinely happy for your friends while spiraling down a tornado of despair. You can experience two entirely conflicting feelings at once! Isn’t that great for us? And if you don’t understand, it’s probably because you haven’t sat at a reception table full of strangers under the age of nineteen. 

For singles, wedding season is about survival (and yes, also happiness or whatever.) It’s about figuring out how to mentally be okay while also celebrating your dearest friends and family members. So, that’s exactly what I’m going to give you. A guide to surviving wedding season. Buckle up and write some notes, because I know you have at least three weddings coming up this Fall.

1. Evaluate whether it’s worth going.

Look, I’m not going to give you some aspirational advice on how you just need to “get over yourself” while you’re on the brink of a psychotic break. For many of us, we go through seasons of being a-o-k with our singleness. But with every peak, there’s a valley and man, those valleys can feel like the pits of hell, dredging up many unresolved feelings of anger, hopelessness, and fear. Sometimes these feelings can strike when we least expect it, suddenly throwing us into a psychological battle between how we want to feel and how we actually feel. It can take days to get ourselves back to a state of homeostasis. 

See, when you’re single, you ride waves of having complete trust in God’s will. You’re constantly trying to keep the fear of “never finding someone” at bay and sometimes, weddings can throw you into a place of panic and despair. It’s totally fair to ask yourself, “Is going worth the emotional fallout?” Evaluate whether you’re mentally in a place to attend. It’s okay if you’re not and it’s okay if you choose to not go.   

Now, I’m not saying, “Hey, go live under a rock and never go anywhere that might make you upset.” But if you’re battling extreme bouts of despair, hopelessness, fear, anger, or jealousy during wedding season, it’s a sign you need to get into a healthier place in regard to your singleness. Remember, just because you’re feeling unlovable, alone, or doomed, does not mean you are.

Your feelings are valid, but they’re not necessarily true. Your singleness is not a defect. When you get into that dark place, seek out therapy and spiritual direction. It is possible to go to a wedding without being rocked by your feelings, you might just need to put in some work to get there.

2. Make sure you have friends in attendance.

Ever go to a wedding without a plus one and you didn’t know anyone else at the reception? I don’t even suffer from social anxiety, but the pre-reception cocktail hour makes me feel like a highschooler searching the cafeteria for a place to sit. Also, as 30somethings, haven’t we paid our dues with events full of awkward ice breakers? 

“So, how do you know the bride?” “Work? What’s your job?” “Accounting? Wow.” “What did you order? The bone dry chicken or the half-cooked salmon?” “I sure do hope they play the cha-cha slide.” 

Nobody wants to be that single chick sitting alone, so of course you cling to whoever gives you the time of day, lest you wander the hors d'oeuvres tables all night. And let’s be real, you’re going to see the bride and groom for a total of five minutes before being left to your own devices again.

When you have a friend in tow, the whole scenario changes. In a room full of people who belong together, you belong to your friend. You belong to each other and you can focus on having a fun time together, rather than dwelling on being “single” or navigating an awkward social environment. Instead of the event reminding you of your single status, it becomes an experience you share with a friend. It can be an investment in a relationship you currently have, not a reminder of a relationship you don’t have.

3. Step into sanguine mode.

One of the benefits of attending a wedding with a bunch of people you don’t know is that you can be anyone you want. I don’t mean in a creepy, fake identity kind of way. It’s sort of like going away to college for the first time. Nobody there knows who you are, so you don’t have the pressure of expectation holding you back.

You can be as outgoing, inquisitive, fun, laid back, or goofy as you want! Nobody is going to say, “Hey, that’s out of character for her, how weird” because they don’t know you! The people who have the most fun at events are the ones who allow themselves to. People who don’t allow self-consciousness to ruin their encounters with new people. 

When you head into that wedding, step into your sanguine-self. Think of the friends and family members you’re the most comfortable with and allow yourself to be that version of yourself. When you’re meeting new people, show that you’re excited to talk to them. Ask lots of questions! Typically, people who ask lots of questions in conversations are deemed more interesting, and others naturally gravitate towards openness.

Take the lead the way you wish other people would! Imagine that everyone you meet is nervous and it’s your job to help them feel more comfortable. Crack those jokes, head out to the dance floor (even if it’s with a toddler), and let yourself have fun. You might collapse from social exhaustion later, but hey, you survived the wedding, right?

4. Leave when you want to.

Some wedding attendees stay until the bitter end, but if you’ve had enough or you’re not having a good time—leave. One of the biggest reasons we dread wedding season is the simple fact that not everyone knows how to throw a good party, but we feel beholden to sticking it out even though they won’t stop playing the Black Eyed Peas and Uncle Frank is officially the wedding drunk.

If you’re not especially close to the bride or groom, there’s nothing binding you to stay. Trust me, they’re probably not even going to notice you dipped out. Sometimes, when we embark on wedding season, it can feel like a huge task. If you say to yourself, “I can leave whenever I want,” it can help you feel like you have freedom in the experience. Knowing you can leave can also give you that push to go in the first place. 

5. Remember it won’t be wedding season forever.

There are times in our lives where the weddings just keep coming. I guess that’s why they call it “wedding season.” In a post-pandemic world, all of the postponed weddings have stacked up this year. I know this because I have barely any friends, yet I was somehow invited to three weddings this summer. I can only imagine what it’s like for people who actually have an extensive circle of friends. Emotional warfare. But remember that wedding season is only a short period of time during the year and only a short period of time in your life. You won’t be facing this intensity of wedding season forever. 

Lastly, remember that God does have a plan for you. Even though it’s not your wedding you’re attending (yet), don’t think God has abandoned you in your vocation. Everyone’s timeline looks different. Your path to your vocation is unique to you, your past, your experiences, and where God is taking you.

When you’re wondering what the heck God is doing with your life, ask Him what He’s calling you to do specifically as a single person. The more you pursue where God is calling you to right now, the more you will enjoy and love your single life—yes, even during wedding season.