Life Isn't Fair—Wait, What?
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A few days ago, several of my grandchildren were taking turns jumping on a trampoline.
Each person could jump for the duration of one song that was playing on Pandora. As life would have it, songs are not always the same length. Thus, one child had a very short time to jump.
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" she screamed. "I GET MORE TIME."
"ONE SONG. THAT'S THE RULE. SO, GET OFF," another demanded.
Instantaneously, an argument ensued.
Instead of intervening, I sat back to watch how my cherished wee ones would handle this on their own. The heated exchange continued to escalate until the 5-year-old in the group walked over to the tramp and, with the wisdom of Solomon said, "You are right, it isn't fair. Life isn't fair and we have to be okay with that. Now, please get off the tramp."
The offender glared at the peacemaker, got off the tramp and stomped away. The next child got on and life—in all its unfairness—continued.
It's a lesson that we learn over and over again; life isn't fair.
We learned it in play when someone refused to share a special toy. We learned it at school when we didn't get chosen to be on a certain team. We learned it at work when a raise was given to someone else. We learned it in traffic when we got cut off. Life is NOT fair.
Nearly everyone intuits that life is unfair. Yet, we react so emotionally when we don't get what we want or think we deserve. Why is that? The likely reason is that we think life should follow our script. You know what I mean, right? The script that we create. Our own design plan that is set in stone; the one that is best for us and therefore best for everyone else. Here are a few examples of man-made scripts:
- If I do everything right, the world will be right
- What I think should happen will happen
- When I work hard, I will be rewarded
- I will give and then I will receive in even measure
- When I am good, others will return goodness
- If I am attracted to you, you will be attracted to me...
Dear reader, all of these scripts are flawed because each is based on the false premise that you are the Creator of life. I know you want to be in control, but that is not how you were made. Nor is it in your best interest.
Instead, let's recognize how God's in control.
God is the creator of life and He knows what needs to happen so that you will flourish. He sets the laws and rules that govern life in a way that will help you become fully human. He sets the perfect course for you and only asks that you trust Him.
This is incredibly difficult to understand much less embrace because life's injustices are so frustrating; so irritating. That being said, life's annoyances can actually be beneficial because they often stimulate one's moral fiber and strengthen one's reliance on God. And this is actually a good. It helps us become the person God wants us to be.
Here's another positive spin on an unfair life. It is unevenly measured and it lacks in sameness precisely because God wants life to intrigue and excite us. He doesn't want us to become bored or placid. Rather, He wants to nudge us into the discovery of His greatness on earth.
How can you learn to be alright with life's unfairness? Here are a few ideas.
1. Change your perspective about unfairness. Look at it as a way to become more virtuous, rather than a source of frustration.
2. Change your reaction to a perceived injustice. Instead of becoming emotional or overly passionate, stay calm and ask yourself what God is trying to reveal to you in that situation.
3. Change your attitude. Ward off the victim mentality that makes you think that you are always at the short end of everything and that God is out to get you. Rather, believe that God is nudging you to be more human and Christ-like. He is allowing you this frustration in hopes that you will lean in to His grace and mercy.
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