4 Objections to Online Dating

The debate that will likely never end.

Even as online dating grows in popularity, according to a recent Stanford University study many couples now meet online, —this venue continues to have its doubters.

Citing everything from psychology to personal experience, arguments are made that online dating is unlikely to work on the micro-level and is bad for society on the macro level. While the arguments carry a certain validity, there are also reasonable answers and antidotes to the problems we can encounter while trying to meet people online.

You’ve likely heard the problems with online dating—if you haven’t read an article or heard someone talk about it, you may well have lived it. Or at the very least heard the internal doubts within yourself bubble up whenever you log in to see what’s happening. Here are some of the most common objections…

1. Online dating multiplies rejection.

There’s no question this is true. The chance to meet exponentially more people also means the chance to be rejected by more people.

I have to admit that when I first found CatholicMatch all the way back in the spring of 2001, I was so excited—not just for the chance to meet like-minded people, but for the fact that maybe I wouldn’t have to go through the nerve-wracking process of calling a woman up and asking her out. Silly me. True, it was easier to stir up the courage to write a casual introductory note. But I also got to experience being “dumped” multiple times in the same day.

The answer to this challenge is to approach our interactions online with realistic expectations. If you treat a fun correspondence and even a couple of enjoyable fun conversations as what they are—a casual friendship, then that person going elsewhere won’t be a devastating rejection.

There’s enough of that in actual real-world relationships without blowing the initial communications into something more than they are. Keep those early interactions in perspective and the rejections will still be a mild disappointment, but nothing more—after all, the other person really didn’t know you.

2. Too many matches are long-distance.

Doing a long-distance relationship is hard, especially in the early stages when you’re trying to get to know each other. But they can work. The success stories are littered with examples, including my own. If you’re hesitant about starting a relationship with someone outside of reasonable driving distance, that’s understandable, but you are also really limiting yourself.

The answer here is simple—read through the long-distance success stories. Find out what made them work and what the challenges were. Prayerfully consider what you can handle, but do it in a spirit of openness to the unexpected. My wife wasn’t looking for a long-distance relationship, but she took a chance and found out that I was actually quite interested in the prospect of moving to the Boston area.

I also know many of you genuinely can’t relocate. The most common reason is kids—perhaps there’s a custody arrangement with an ex that can’t be violated. Or maybe it just wouldn’t be fair to the kids to put them through a relocation. I’ve never been in that situation, but I have been on the opposite end—genuinely interested in someone with kids from an area that I found less than ideal. I would have been willing to take the leap. If you’re the person who has flexibility, put that in God’s hands.

3. The odds are against you.

I suppose you could take the statement at the top about a plurality of couples meeting online, turn it around and say that it still means a majority don’t meet online. True enough. The Stanford study says 39 percent will find success online. That’s not a majority, but it’s still pretty good. Certainly, it’s better odds than winning the lottery, as one online dating critic tried to claim.

Furthermore, there’s another study I’d like to see conducted—which is how many of the 61 percent of couples who met offline, still had an online dating presence and had been on at least one face-to-face date with someone they met online. That is, how many people include online dating as a component of their strategy for meeting people.

Maybe you didn’t end up with that person you met online, but perhaps you learned more about yourself and the kind of person you’re looking for in the process. Maybe you went on a date and made a few mistakes that you didn’t make with the person you eventually connected with. These are just a couple of examples where online dating helped you meet your partner, even if they ended up being someone your friends introduced you to.

4. People online want things fast.

Or they only want sex.

This applies more to the dating apps out there like Tinder, which have become glorified hookup tools. People can still lie on their CatholicMatch profiles, but admit it—it’s unlikely a person looking for one-night stands will pay for a monthly subscription to talk to churchgoing prospects. It’s certainly not the wisest use of resources.

Perhaps the best answer to criticisms of online dating is to point out that “online dating”, for as often as we use the phrase and I’ve used it here, does not technically exist. Dating still takes place in person. What we do here at CatholicMatch is really “online meeting people." And if you keep that in perspective, you’ll overcome all the objections and make the online world a vital part of your approach to finding the right person.