Meet Them In Person

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The art of the wordsmith.

Rich Mullins was my favorite Christian music artist. He was engaged once, but the relationship ended. Rich never married. He died in a tragic jeep accident at just 42 years old. 

Rich was an amazing writer and, by all accounts, he tried to be a good lover too. But loving a real person wasn’t always as easy as writing a beautiful lyric. He admitted this in a song —

If I could make it work in life / Like it works on paper

If the love that I describe / Could be anything but words 

Then I would wipe my eyes / I'd dry this ink 

I'd trade my pen in on a pair of wings / And I would fly 

If I could only make it work in life 

I can relate to this, and I suspect most people can. When I have time to craft a charmingly worded message, I can appear to be funny, attractive, wise, and desirable. But when I’m in front of an actual human being, I might not always say the right thing. I might say something insensitive or awkward, or not say anything at all when the right words need to be said. 

This is especially true for us as people who create dating profiles on CatholicMatch.

When creating a profile, we have the luxury of taking hours to think about how to write the perfect words and present the best picture of ourselves. We try to make ourselves appear witty, charming, and alluring.

But if we are serious about finding a real love relationship, eventually we have to move beyond the profile.

We have to take a risk and meet a match in person. Then what? Then we can’t hide behind our carefully crafted words. We have to just be us.

Christianity is incarnational. “Incarnation” means to turn the word into flesh. Words into reality. Online match-ups are not incarnational. They are simply words and images communicating a hoped-for representation of ourselves to another. But as soon as we agree to meet an online match in person, suddenly our words become real.

Sites like CatholicMatch can facilitate the introduction. Eventually, though, we will have to meet another person in the flesh. That’s where words by themselves fall away and we must courageously expose ourselves to another in reality. Can we make it work in life like it works on paper (or on the laptop screen)?

It’s interesting that Jesus did not come to Earth in the Internet age.

He did not create a profile page to present his best self to those he wanted to love. He didn’t post his teachings as online memes. He showed up in person. “And the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us” (John 1:14). 

Jesus physically touched others and invited them to touch him. He ate baked fish with friends on the seashore. He spit on the ground and rubbed the mud-spittle in a blind man’s eyes. A woman washed his bare feet with her tears and hair. Touch. Intimacy.

We, too, if we really want love, must eventually move beyond words and “dwell among” other human beings. We can connect online, but eventually we have to meet in person. It will not always be easy. Will it work in life like it works on paper? Not always. They may not look the same in person as they did in their profile pictures. You may not either.

But real life is where love is meant to be lived, and you’ll never know until you move beyond the profile page.

Rich Mullins may have been a gifted wordsmith. But he struggled with loving in real life. He could not always translate his lyrical words into flesh-and-blood love. But that’s okay. We all learn as we go.

So if you feel a connection with someone you’ve met online, try taking a risk and meeting them in person. Meet them for a drink or ice cream or a walk in the park. Look at their face and hear the sound of their voice. That’s where reality—and the possibility of real love—starts.

Jesus showed us that love really happens when the word became flesh and dwelt among us. So let’s take a cue from the Lord of love and life, from the greatest lover who ever walked the Earth. Let’s trade our pen (or computer keyboard) in on a pair of wings, and fly. 

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