When I Finally Tried Online Dating...It Worked!

Since I was a teenager, I remember having the self-assuring confidence in my gut that I knew exactly how I would meet my future spouse - or rather, how I would not meet him.

Throughout my high school and college years, I maintained that I would never use a dating app to meet a potential spouse. I’m not sure if this certainty came from my parents’ story - striking up their first conversation while on the stairmasters at their community fitness center - or my affinity for the romantic literature of Jane Austen, but I was positive that the story God would write for me would be as poetic as those in the books I read. This would require my future spouse and I to have a spontaneous encounter out in the world - at a museum, party, or Sunday mass - not through a screen. This meeting would weave both of our interests together and reveal something essential about our compatibility that could not be discerned from an online profile.  

For a while, my predictions were true. 

I did meet people to date and felt affirmed in my certainty each time I was in a relationship that did not originate online. See? I thought to myself.  I don’t need apps to meet someone.

Then, I began a dating fast after the end of an intense relationship that led to a famine of sorts. After the relationship ended, I did not go on another date for three years. This was a fruitful time of personal development that my soul needed, but I became frustrated when I finally did feel ready to date again. I put dedicated effort into meeting someone out in “real life” by attending Catholic young adult events, joining groups that interested me, and even trying a round of speed dating, but became disappointed when none of these activities resulted in a romantic connection. 

Friends and family suggested online dating, but I rejected it every time. 

My stubbornness and pride would not allow me to let go of the decision I made as a teenager - that I would not use a dating app to meet my future spouse. I am meant for a greater love story than that, I told myself.

The months went on and though I was fulfilled in many facets of my life, I still felt pulled to date. Yet, I was burnt out and discouraged from attending so many events. I wanted to socialize without the self-appointed pressure that I needed to take advantage of every opportunity to meet someone. I also acknowledged that I needed more experience dating. While I would have loved for the next date I went on to be with my future husband, I knew that was not statistically probable. If I wanted to get to that point though, I needed to go on dates.  

I relented on my vow and signed up for a CatholicMatch subscription, but not without an internal bargain. 

I would try it out for six months and if I didn’t meet anyone, I would be done with online dating. When I made my profile, I still viewed online dating as a checkbox to tick off rather than a legitimate means of encounter. I wanted to get some practice going on dates and prepare for that moment when I would meet my future spouse - which would of course happen right after my subscription ended. I would get the online dating thing over with and prove to myself and everyone else that I was right, that I would not meet my future spouse online.

While my initial intentions for trying CatholicMatch did not come from a positive mindset, God did not wait for me to become my best self in order to introduce me to online dating. Even while I was using the site, I still experienced the frustration of wanting to get the six months over with. Slowly, I began to thaw, and I came to see CatholicMatch as a way to engage with people I may not meet otherwise, even if I attended every Catholic event in a 50-mile radius.

When Tanner sent me a message, I was one week away from my subscription’s expiration. 

By that point, I appreciated the benefits of CatholicMatch, but I maintained my decision - I would not continue using the site, at least for now. However, the light-heartedness and authenticity of Tanner’s profile and the tone of his message convinced me to go on one last date. We met a week later at a rooftop bar and ordered beers and soft pretzels while watching planes from the Air and Water Show fly overhead. I did not know that he would eventually become my fiancé, but I became open to a new vision for my future, one where I let go of my plans and let God reveal His.

Despite my stubbornness, God found a way to write a story for Tanner and me that is more beautiful and poetic than anything I could have imagined. Even if you think online dating is not for you, be open to the plot twists God may have in store. Regardless of your convictions, you never know how God will introduce you to your future spouse and you may be proven wrong in the best way.