Is Online Dating Even Smarter Than You Think?

The stigma of online dating continues to disappear.

Decades after the first online dating sites began, we are now seeing the fruits of marriages from spouses who met online. And shiver me timbers, the results are shining!

Even way back in 2013, this study of almost 20,000 people found not only that one third of married couples met online, but also that they were often happier in their marriages than others surveyed.

More recently in August of 2019, Stanford University’s Michael Rosenfeld discussed how online dating is replacing the traditional meet-through-friends relationships. He states how the large online dating pools generate interactions between people who normally would never meet in real life, which gives way to some great relationships. (I’m living proof: there was zero chance my husband and I would have crossed paths without the Internet!) 

As if that wasn’t enough, Marriage.com published these findings: couples who meet online have lasting relationships and also have increased marriage rates. This same article cited a University of Chicago study which showed married couples who met online were both happier and less likely to get divorced than their counterparts who met through work or friends.

So it’s safe to say the social stigma of online dating is disappearing.

Only the desperate join online dating? Nowadays, it’s unusual for a single person to not be using an online dating site.

Online daters are weird and have no social skills? Try explaining to an online dater how writing messages and asking for phone numbers requires no social skills.

Nobody older than thirty joins a dating site? Take a gander through all the CatholicMatch success stories. (My personal favorites are about widows and widowers who find love again in their old age!)

Let’s face it: online dating has revolutionized the search for love.

But how has this happened?

Now for the fun part. I think online matches are increasingly successful due to a specific set of traits and skills online daters have. Let’s unpack what exactly these might include!

• Online dating opens up the right pool of people! I joined CatholicMatch because I wanted to date people who shared my beliefs, and that wasn’t happening in my rural Lutheran hometown. Online dating introduced me to this whole pool of people who all shared Catholic views!  Business Insider discusses in this article how self-selection might be influencing online dating success. For singles seeking committed Christian marriages, that’s great news! This article states how people who join online sites are often directly interested in committed relationships or specific values to begin with. So, for daters, that means a big part of “the weeding process” is already done for you! Remember, you’re looking for the right pool of people, not just any pool of people.

• Online daters (especially on religious sites) share a positive outlook on marriage. Branching off that last point, there’s a reason you’re on CatholicMatch, right? I’m guessing you’re not looking for decades’ worth of casual flings. If you’re looking for a God-centered relationship potentially leading to marriage, your chances of meeting others who share that mindset skyrocket on Christian dating sites. Thus, you’re starting out with a better chance of success than peers who simply don’t know what they want.  Having the right outlook about relationships and marriage goes a long way in pursuing dating via the online world.

• Meeting online forces better communication practices. Before you can get to the first date, you actually have to talk to each other over messaging—and often over phone calls, too. Practicing clear communication helps daters learn more about each other, each unique situation, and how they think and feel about both. With better communication skills, daters have higher success in connecting with other singles as well as determining who is and is not a good fit for them. Not to mention communication is a keystone of building a great marriage!

• Online dating creates a problem-solving mentality. This is especially true with long-distance relationships or other various obstacles. Compatibility is often heralded as a cornerstone of online dating success, but honestly, I think problem-solving skills are more important. So you live far away from each other? Have opposite work schedules? Come from different cultures? In order to pursue a relationship (sometimes even a first date!) through any of these obstacles, daters have to work together and come up with solutions. Compatibility is great, but a lot more rides on a couple’s ability to forge ahead through difficult situations. Obviously, this skill set would bountifully bless any subsequent marriage!

• Online daters actually have to CHOOSE dates. That’s the whole idea of moving offline to phone calls, Skype chats, and dates. Online daters can’t really default to a halfhearted, well-at-least-you’re-here type of relationship. Why? Because online messaging isn’t just going to slide accidentally into a lukewarm “sort of dating” thing. If an online dater wants to go on real dates, the only way forward is to ask for phone numbers and set up meetings! Choosing to explore a relationship, calling a date a date, and braving potential rejection all fosters intentionality. Intentionality, a.k.a. steadfastly pursuing what you want, leads to better dating, discernment, and ultimately more marriage-minded relationships. (On the flip side, there is a real danger of never being able to get serious with your online match due to “what if there’s a better person right around the corner?”)

So maybe you’ve been dating online for a long time, only recently joined, or are considering making your profile for the first time. I think the statistics speak for themselves—even if you don’t meet your spouse online, there are many benefits in trying it out.

If nothing else, you can take these skills and ideas into any real-life match too! So if you’re waffling about joining online dating, or you know someone who is, don’t be afraid to move forward and flourish. Who knows what will come of it?