A Catholic Guide to Dating in College: 5 Habits To Make (And 3 To Break)

Dating as a college student is hard.

During this transitional phase in life, so much is changing already; you’re studying, you’re becoming increasingly independent from your family, often moving frequently, and you’re discovering who you are going to be as an adult.  

Finding and maintaining a relationship during this stage of life can be incredibly rewarding, but also extremely difficult. Especially for a practicing Catholic.  

To find success with dating in college, here are 5 habits to make (and 3 to break).

5 habits to make: 

1. Receive sacraments regularly.

Mass

It is important to receive sacraments regularly in order to maintain a healthy spiritual lifestyle. Just like going to the gym regularly helps us maintain a healthy body, attending Mass regularly helps us maintain a healthy soul!

God gives us so much in life to be grateful and thankful for. He loves us unconditionally. Attending Mass regularly is a gesture of love and thankfulness to Our Father for giving us the gift of life. In addition, Mass is a meditative and grounding experience where we can be connected to Jesus through the Eucharist.

Confession

It is also important to attend confession as regularly as possible if you plan to receive the Eucharist when you attend Mass. Though it may seem scary if you are not used to going, confession is such an important part of our faith. We face so many temptations on a daily basis, especially as college students. 

Attending confession heals the wounds of sin and refreshes our souls. It feels so good to atone for the things we have done wrong, and start over again with a clean slate. Confession also helps to put us into a positive and hopeful mindset, and gives us motivation to do better for ourselves. 

Actively dating requires us to be aware of our own flaws (as well as our assets). When seeking a relationship, we want to bring our best selves to the table.

2. Join clubs and activities.

Many college campuses around the world, even secular colleges, have Catholic campus ministry centers and clubs that host Mass on campus. Attending Mass and social gatherings with other young Catholics is a great way to make friends and find success in dating!

Newman Connection is a nonprofit organization devoted to unifying Catholic college students through campus ministry. They have nearly 1500 Centers, Houses, and Clubs located at various campuses across the United States. Finding one of these clubs on your campus and joining could be a great way to meet new friends or potential love interests.

Joining other clubs based on your interests is a great way to make friends and date, as well. Having hobbies makes you an interesting person that other people will want to date. Maintaining an active social life makes you more attractive. Plus, there is never such a thing as having too many friends!

3. Be clear about your intentions.

As devout Catholics, we seek relationships with purpose. When you do start dating somebody, it is important to establish your intentions. While it might seem obvious to us that the purpose of dating is to find a spouse, that is no longer “the norm.” College students today seek to date to have fun and have casual sex. The fact that you are seeking a monogamous, committed relationship leading to marriage is a beautiful thing, but it does make you unique in the modern secular world.

To avoid confusion, you should be upfront with the person you are dating about your faith and your intentions. This does not mean that you need to enter into a committed relationship or engagement after the very first date. It simply means that you should communicate to the person you are dating that you want a relationship leading towards a Catholic marriage. Make no assumptions!

Eventually, you should also discuss whether or not you want kids, as well as share your religious habits, political beliefs, and other deal-breakers. Concealing any of these major items while in a relationship is a serious red flag. Lying is a sin, and will only lead to bigger problems for both of you down the road. Honesty is the best policy in dating and relationships.

4. Date yourself first.

Dating yourself is not as cheesy as it sounds, I promise.

College is all about learning independence. For most people, it is the first time they live away from their families. You are expected to take on a whole host of new responsibilities, all while learning to take care of yourself, feed yourself, and do your own laundry. There is no better time in your life to learn about yourself and develop your own sense of identity.

Having a strong sense of self and identity is important when you are dating. Firstly, knowing who you are as a person means that you have confidence. And confidence is incredibly attractive.  

Having a strong sense of identity is also an important part of being Catholic. Knowing right from wrong, and what God’s law teaches us about how we should live our lives, is so important to having a successful life. Living a successful spiritual and personal life also will make you more attractive to other, like-minded people.

5. Pray every day.

Establish a healthy habit of praying every day, multiple times per day. Whenever you face struggles or you have a major decision to make, take it to God. Prayer connects us directly with God and Jesus Christ. It humbles us and makes us consider not only what we want in the moment, but what God wants for us in the long run.

Making a habit of praying the Rosary every day is also a good idea. Meditating on the Rosary equips us for spiritual battle against Satan. It also instills in us personal virtue and peace. You can even pray the Rosary with various intentions, such as finding love or realizing your personal vocation. 

Ultimately, prayer is an essential part of daily life when you are Catholic. It should also become an essential part of any romantic relationship you have. Solitary and joint prayer has been proven to strengthen dating relationships and marriages. God is our Father and He is there to support us through prayer, no matter what we are struggling with.

3 habits to break:

1. The “Hook Up Culture”.

The most dangerous influence facing young Catholics in the dating world is the hook-up culture. The secular media and culture will lie to you that it is “empowering” to engage in one-night stands and ‘friends with benefits’ relationships. According to The American Psychological Association, engaging in sexual hook-up culture has devastating effects on many people’s self-esteem, confidence, and happiness.

This is because human beings were made by God to desire monogamous relationships with one another. Seeking anything else but this kind of relationship directly conflicts with God’s plan for us. In addition, when we engage in hook-up culture, we are using another person for selfish gains (and often allowing ourselves to be used as well! )

Dating requires us to recognize and value folks of the opposite gender as whole and valuable people, body and soul. The hookup culture reduces people to their most base sexual desires, and neglects to consider the whole person.

2. Cohabitation before marriage.

When you are in a relationship, it is incredibly tempting to want to move in with your partner. Of course! When you are in love, you desire to be close to that person. Sometimes it may seem more convenient, or cost-effective, to live together as well. But living together before marriage can put your soul in serious peril, and will actually increase your chances of divorce dramatically!

When you are in a dating relationship and trying to maintain chastity with your partner, you will often face temptation. Living together before marriage puts us in a constant state of being near the occasion of sexual sin.  

Sexual desire is not a bad thing, but it has its place inside of a faithful, Catholic marriage. As 1 Corinthians says, “if they cannot exercise self-control they should marry, for it is better to marry than to be on fire.” Because the soul desires closeness to the one we love, you will feel increased temptation to break chastity if you choose to live with your partner.  

There is a clear link between cohabitation before marriage and divorce. This is because of the “sliding vs. deciding” effect that couples fall into after moving in together before marriage. There have been numerous psychological studies over the years that have proven that cohabitation increases the odds of divorce. According to Psychology Today, the divorce rate is “1.31 times higher for women who cohabitated prior to marriage.”

3. Be careful about who you hang out with.

Dating is all about getting to know new people and deciding whether or not you could see yourself spending your life with them.  

This is why you should be careful of who you decide to date or be friends with. Have you ever heard of the term, ‘birds of a feather flock together?’ Well, it is true. If you choose to spend your time with people who use drugs or engage in other sinful behaviors, you will most likely wind up following suit. Or, even if you don’t, people will assume you do based solely on the fact that you hang out with them.  

For this reason, if you are interested in finding a partner with like-minded values, you should be careful about who you decide to associate with.