A Catholic Dating Checklist

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Trying to figure out if you're on the right track?

I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself. When I start something new like a job or a hobby, I want to make sure I’m doing it right. A lot of us feel the same way in our dating relationships.

Whether you’ve been dating for a few months, a few years, or you’re looking to get into a relationship, it’s important to have an idea of what a healthy relationship looks like. That’s what this Catholic dating checklist is for!

You can use this checklist as a way to see areas where your relationship needs to grow. While every Catholic relationship should include these things, if you’re missing something, don’t worry. That just means it’s something you need to work on.

After all, every relationship can do better in all of these areas. Love grows over time and so do the items on this checklist. 

The most important thing to ask is not “do we do all these things?”, but if my significant other is someone who I could do these things with. Then work on growing these parts of your relationship.

1) Do you go to Mass together?

I’m sure you were expecting this to be at the top of the list. Not only does the Mass have significance for us as Catholics, it also has significance for Catholics in a dating relationship. Mass is when we come together as the Body of Christ. We call it “Communion” because we are unified in the sacrament. Entering into this union together is important for your unity as a couple.

If you’re already used to going to Sunday Mass together, try going to a weekday Mass together too.

2) Can you pray together?

This is different than the first one. When you go to Mass, you are technically praying together, but praying alone together is also important for your spiritual relationship. Hearing how the other person prays and praying in front of them is a great way to share your walk with Christ together.

It doesn’t need to be anything long, intense, or profound. Just a few simple words to God at the beginning or end of a date can make a huge difference in your relationship. This is especially important if you’re seriously considering marriage.

3) Can you share your emotions?

If you already pray with each other, this next aspect should be easy. Make sure your relationship is a place where emotions are allowed to be openly shared. Human beings are the only animals that can talk and feel. Those two things go hand in hand.

It’s important to know what you’re feeling so you can communicate it and be able to understand your partner’s feelings. Knowing how to navigate emotion is key to a healthy relationship.

4) Can you share your thoughts?

Even if you haven’t been in school for 20 years, you still need to use your brain. Make sure you and your partner have conversations about the world and other important things. You don’t need to be philosophers or theologians, but you do need to challenge each other to think and be open to the thoughts of the other person.

5) Can you share your creativity?

The left-brain readers got really excited about that last one. Right-brain peeps, this one’s for you. We were created to image God, which means we were made to create. Having a hobby or doing something recreational together helps you both image God better. It’s especially important if you’re preparing for marriage: a sacrament where you are literally going to create something together with God.

6) Can you be open about physical intimacy?

I saved this one for second to last because it’s kind of intimidating. Openness about physical intimacy can relieve a lot of tension in the relationship. This doesn’t need to be an intense conversation starting out, but being clear on how you and your partner understand different physical gestures can break through some serious barriers.

My fiancé and I have benefited greatly from this kind of openness. When I’m upset, I feel comforted by a hug or a touch. She is comforted in other ways. Knowing that about each other helps us love each other better. Knowing the way your partner receives physical affection will help you love them better, too.

Another aspect of physical intimacy is openness about boundaries. Even if you both know what the Church teaches about chastity, everyone is different and you need to establish boundaries that are specific to you. Being honest about physical affection will only serve to benefit you in the long run.

7) Do you love each other?

The most important item on this list is: do you love each other? Love covers your gaps on the checklist, not because it turns a blind eye but because it motivates you both to grow in areas you aren’t the best at.

Love means to desire the good of another person. This means you’re willing to sacrifice and grow for the other person. The reality is, you could do all the items on this checklist, but if you don’t love each other like that...it’s all for nothing. 

It’s important to restate that this is all a growing process. Even if you hit all the items on this list, that doesn’t mean you have a perfect relationship. Every couple struggles with something. Checking all of these boxes doesn’t give you a perfect relationship, it gives you a relationship that makes you and your partner more like Christ.

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