What Does The Bible Say About Living Together Before Marriage, Is Cohabitation A Sin?
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The Bible speaks a lot about marriage: see Genesis 2:21-25, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, and Philippians 4:6-8 as just a few examples! You don't have to go very far to see that the Bible often talks about the beauty and also the sacredness of marriage. There are also many passages that discuss sexual sins, such as premarital sex and adultery.
But, what about living together before marriage? While moving in together before tying the knot is quickly becoming the norm, as Catholics, we know that we must hold ourselves to a higher standard. But, why?
What exactly does the Bible say about cohabitation? And, what does the Bible say about living together before marriage, or during the engagement? I'll answer all of these questions today. But, in the meantime, here's a hint: the Bible, paired with the Catechism of the Catholic Church, gives us some very clear answers about why living together before getting married is never a good idea.
Is cohabitation a sin?
Living together in itself is not a sin, but cohabitation (living together while having premarital sex) is objected to by the Catholic Church because it disposes all couples who do live together before marriage to mortal sin (partaking in sex outside of marriage), which in turn can be detrimental to our spiritual lives and relationship with Jesus Christ.
There are two values that sacramental marriage points spouses to: the good of one another, and the transmission of life. If two people are willingly choosing to live in a situation that allows them to actively fall into mortal sin, that is failing to practice one of the two values of marriage before their marriage even begins. It is not wrong that two people desire to fully and freely give themselves to another person; the problem is that the desire becomes disordered in trying to merge a free and total gift with a partial and ultimately non-committal aspect of cohabitation.
In Theology of the Body, written by Pope John Paul II, three aspects of Jesus’ creation are held in high regard: the sacrament of marriage, the sacredness of sex, and human dignity of every person. By allowing sex to be part of your relationship outside of marriage, all three points are deeply disrespected at their worst and lazily neglected at their best.
Is living together but not sleeping together okay?
While living together before marriage does not equate to actively sinning, having sex before being married does, and almost always, couples who live together are also having sex. In the interest of staying away from plenty of “what ifs”, specific nuances, and gray areas that do not bring many benefits to the core points of the subject, living together before marriage is a very easy gateway to sinning. And although there are many seemingly compelling secular arguments for living together before marriage, all of them can be gently and credibly refuted.
Is sleeping in the same bed a sin if you don’t live together?
Again, while this action isn't necessarily a sin (depending on the situation) it is definitely a near occasion of sin, which is something every Catholic is called to avoid. And, as we mentioned above, while sharing a bed does not guarantee sexual intercourse is taking place...everyone understands what it means to share a bed with someone of the opposite sex! And, that is something that should be saved for marriage.
What does the bible say about living together before marriage?
The Church’s teaching on living together before marriage is not a new one at all, but foundational rooted in Scripture. In short: living together before marriage does not lead us closer to holiness, Christ, or the values and goods we were intended to live within. And it is not a message against sex - the Catholic Church views sex as a gift which all who are called to the vocation of marriage should gladly take part in. However, just like all gifts which we are given, there is an appropriate way to partake, an order which goes with the gift, in which all other things are also rightly ordered. The following verses in the Bible do not pull any punches and can be stunning, especially when held against the common cultural practices of our society today, namely, living together before marriage. It can be difficult to reconcile that this is not an arbitrary teaching, but rather a commandment from Jesus Christ, in a culture that so nonchalantly holds living together as a “trial” or pre-step to engagement and/or marriage.
Shacking up in the Bible: Four Bible Verses about Living Together Before Marriage
Matthew 15:19-20
“For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, unchastity, theft, false witness, blasphemy. These are what defile a person, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile.”
What this tells us about living together unmarried:
By cohabiting, you're opening up the door for a great temptation of sexual relations, whether you intend to or not. So, what does the Bible say about dating and living together? While you may tell yourself that you would "never" give into those temptations, that may be naive. The Bible doesn't mince words when it comes to the issues surrounding fornication. While it may not be what you were hoping to hear, it is important to consider these passages seriously. God knows what is best for us and His rules are set in place for our own good.
1 Corinthians 6:9-10
“Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor sodomites nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.”
What this tells us about living out of wedlock
We all want to participate in the Kingdom of God and so we should be wary of choices that could lead us astray from that goal. Obviously having sex before marriage is one of those choices that does us harm and so it is fair to say that a choice that puts us in a position of great temptation to have sex before marriage (aka living together!) is also not a good choice. While this may be hard to hear, remember, Christianity doesn't call us to do the easy thing, but the right thing.
Galatians 5:16-23
“I say, then: live by the Spirit and you will certainly not gratify the desire of the flesh. For the flesh has desires against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; these are opposed to each other, so that you may not do what you want. But if you are guided by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are obvious: immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, rivalry, jealousy, outbursts of fury, acts of selfishness, dissensions, factions, occasions of envy, drinking bouts, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. In contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.”
What this tells us about unmarried couples living together
This Bible passage gives all of us a very clear warning about the dangers of sexual sin, including premarital sex. As we mentioned previously while living together doesn't mean you are 100% having sex, it does place you in a position where you are much more likely to (while also allowing others to believe that you are). This is the sin of scandal and it is a very real thing. If you are considering cohabitating with your significant other, read this passage first and ask yourself whether it's worth risking your soul over! Also, this a great passage for remembering the power of the Holy Spirit. Don't be afraid to turn to Him if you find yourself struggling with impurity!
Proverbs 6:27-28
“Can a man take embers into his bosom, and his garments not be burned? Or can a man walk on live coals, and his feet not be scorched?”
What this tells us about living together without being married
While this passage may seem a little bit intense, sin is a serious subject and shouldn't be taken lightly! Just as it would be impossible for someone to walk on scorching hot coals or drop flaming embers on their chest and remain unharmed, it is just as impossible for a serious sin of sexual immorality to not harm us.
Is Living Together Before Marriage a Sin? Our Conclusion:
The Catechism of the Catholic Church says, “the spouses' union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life. These two meanings or values of marriage cannot be separated without altering the couple's spiritual life and compromising the goods of marriage and the future of the family. The conjugal love of man and woman thus stands under the two-fold obligation of fidelity and fecundity." (CCC 2363) In short, sex should be saved for married couples only.
Man and woman joined together sacramentally as one flesh is geared toward two goals: the good (read: physical, emotional, and spiritual good) of each spouse, and the transmission of life (read: having children). These values cannot be isolated by themselves because they were designed to be lived out in marriage. Sacramental marriage is the key to their efficacy. And if they are isolated, they have the power to negatively change your spiritual life, thus negatively affecting your marriage.
The Catholic Church does not make up new teachings, but only holds to the original commandments and teachings of Jesus Christ. The teaching against cohabitation before marriage is not something new, but something revealed to us by Jesus Christ. What has changed over time is our societal expectations and norms, not what the Church declares to be best for the spiritual well-being of our souls. And while the teaching is not an easy one, that does not negate the importance of it; it actually points to preserving well the intentions that God has for those of us who are called to the vocation of marriage.
Our faith teaches that a sexual relationship belongs only in marriage, and that sex outside of marriage reveals a lack of respect for the sacrament of marriage, the sacredness of sex, and human dignity. In making the decision to turn away from sin (and from societal norms), you are making a decision with positive both present and eternal consequences. Not to mention beginning your marriage holding it in the high regard it was always intended to be held: “Human beings are not the same thing as the images proposed in advertising and shown by the modern mass media. They are much more, in their physical and psychic unity, as composites of soul and body, as persons. They are much more because of their vocation to love, which introduces them as male and female into the realm of the “great mystery” (Pope John Paul II, Letter to Families).
To summarize, don't live with someone of the opposite sex unless they are your own husband or own wife. While it isn't always easy, waiting until marriage is the right choice. Do this to honor God, but also yourself and your future marriage bed!
FAQs On What the Bible Says About Living Together Before Marriage
What Does the Bible Say About Living Together While Engaged, Is This Any Different?
While being engaged is a great sign that your relationship is headed in the right direction, that doesn't give you the green light to move in (just yet)! Engagement isn't marriage and until you receive the sacrament of marriage, it's important to continue to live chastely!
Is Cohabitation Without Fornication OK?
Living together but not sleeping together isn't a sin in itself but opens the door for a serious sin (premarital sex) to take place and can also lead to the sin of scandal. There are many Bible verses against cohabitation that can address this same issue.
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