5 Things Everyone Should Know How To Do Before Getting Married

Calling all eligible bachelors and bachelorettes!

I have been working with young adults in one capacity or another for the past 20 years, counseling, leading, teaching. I have been the campus minister for a university. I am also the mother of several young adults. It has been joked by my pastor that my house is a satellite campus for the closest Catholic college, because, so frequently, I have young Catholics staying with me.

Some of my young friends are well prepared to launch into the world, to marry, and to build a home. Some, not so much. The truth is we never know when or exactly how God will work in our futures. Will you marry? If you do, when? And how will you earn a living? You may be in a certain career now or be studying for a particular field, but estimates say that people change careers 5-7 times before they retire.

The best we can do for our lives is to be prepared, to pray, and then be ready for wherever God leads us. 

St. Mary MacKillop said, “Pray to be ever ready for God’s will even when it takes you by surprise.”

Spending a lot of time with young Catholics has inspired me to compile a list of skills people should know before launching, getting into a relationship, and certainly before getting married. Knowing these things will ease so much conflict and confusion as you sort out your new independent life. As any marriage counselor or honest married person will tell you, most arguments start over very practical things (like bills or the broken dishwasher) and not deeply theological or doctrinal things.

So, avoid the potholes by studying up ahead of time and growing your practical life skillset. Here are some places to begin:

1. Basic Cooking Skills.

No one expects you to be Chef Ramsey or Julia Child. But knowing how to make a few decent meals really well will make your life easier, your nutrition more balanced, be easier on your bank account, save you a dozen phone calls to your mother asking how to make rice, and will certainly impress your dates. To that end, buying a few kitchen basics such as a crockpot or instant pot will help so much and are worth the investment if you are serious about growing in this area.

2. Car maintenance and basic (super basic) repairs.

Do you know how often to change your oil? If you get a flat tire can you deal with it on your own? Do you own jumper cables? How often do you get regular maintenance or do you just wait until all the lights on the dash freak out? Your car is one of your biggest financial investments. Taking that seriously and caring for it well is a sign of maturity. Remember in Luke 16:10, Jesus instructs us that the person faithful in the little things can be entrusted with greater.

3. Taxes.

As the saying goes, the only two things you can count on are death and taxes. For most people taxes are straightforward and don’t need a preparer. If you can handle it on your own you will have a better understanding of your financial pictures and save yourself quite a bit of money. And again, save that call to your parents asking which form you should file and what amortization means. If your taxes are more complicated and you do need a preparer, be as involved in the process as you can. Learn to save your receipts, balance your books, and make profit-loss comparisons. 

4. Speaking of money, bruh, do you even budget?

Knowing how much you make, where your money goes, how to manage your investments, and how to save for the future will save you so many arguments in your marriage and so much stress as your responsibilities increase. If you are currently in debt, think about decreasing that as much as possible before you tie the knot. According to financial guru Dave Ramsey, the number one issue couples fight over is money. Eighty-six percent of couples who got married in the last five years started out in debt. Reduce that irritation sooner, rather than later. If you don’t know where to start, take a financial literacy course through your local community college or online with Ramsey.

5. How to Fight.

No, I don’t mean self-defense. What I mean is do you know how to fight fair? Can you have a disagreement with someone you love about a serious topic, expressing yourself clearly, with conviction, but also with charity? Are you skilled at listening with the intention of connection and not just for what you will say when the other person stops talking? Do you know that the goal of communication is for each person to feel heard and not necessarily for both people to agree? Can you disagree without being disagreeable?

If you need growth in this area (and don’t we all?) my favorite resource is Danny Silk’s book Keep Your Love On. A very practical and approachable guide to communication and boundaries that will help you to identify ways you can better communicate in all the relationships in your life and love those around you even better.

Of course, if you are already in a relationship and aiming for marriage and have growth to do in any of these areas, it’s not too late. These are topics you could certainly pursue as a couple, growing together and growing forward. Begin today in preparing for your future, whatever that may be.